They are people.
I hate that site. I loathe it. I find it abhorrent that so many of us find it acceptable to take pictures of people who didn’t ask for their goddamn picture to be taken and post it online so the unsuspecting person can be mocked and ridiculed. By the world.
We have so much ugliness around us right now. Hateful speech has been given a shiny new legitimate coat to wear. News outlets refer to Neo-Nazis and white supremacists as the “alt-right” which is so much kinder and gentler. The bigoted and racist have been emboldened and are airing their ugly thoughts as if they are legitimate. They have crawled out from under rocks and out of their caves as if their voices should be accepted and respected.
I can’t fix the world, but I will be goddamned if I am not going to try.
When I see or hear someone saying something ugly, I am going to call out the behavior. Not in a loud, confrontational way, I will do my best to be direct and calm.
For instance, the people of Walmart. I know this site has been around for years. I have never been comfortable with it, but I dismissed it as “that’s how motherfuckers are”. In light of the ugliness of the recent election, I am finding it more difficult to dismiss shit like the People of Walmart site.
A Facebook friend posted a series of pictures of people with disproportionate body types, unexpected clothing choices, and a few exposed butt cracks. You’ve seen the pictures, you know what I’m talking about, right?
The number of people commenting astounded me. All of them were laughing or ridiculing the subjects of the pictures. All of them.
I responded to the pictures and said that I thought it was mean to ridicule and mock our fellow humans.
I was told that I had no sense of humor. I was told that I was too serious. Hahahahaha that one cracked me up. Too serious? Obviously, this is a FB friend and not a real life friend. Then, the original poster’s friends piled on. I was told that I was probably “one of them”. I mean, I guess I could be. I’ve been to Walmart. Someone could have taken my picture and posted it.
I responded that we have enough ugliness in the world and that perhaps making fun of our fellow humans isn’t helpful. I also pointed out that perhaps some of the subjects of the pictures might be mentally ill or hurting in some way. Or they are just expressing themselves. Either way, shaming them is cruel. I said that I’d rather be “one of them” than to treat other people disrespectfully.
I was told again that I was too serious. The person who said I was probably “one of them” responded “lol if they are mentally ill they need to be locked up and not scaring normal people.” She took my breath away. People make me so sad.
Is this what we’ve become? Other humans should behave in a way which doesn’t make us uncomfortable? If they do, they should be locked up?
I didn’t respond to that woman because I think she might be a lost cause. The original poster invited me to leave the conversation. I wished him peace and I backed out. I said what I felt needed to be said. There is no point in arguing with people who only wish to defend their position.
I’m not saying I’ve never been cruel. I’m not saying I have never been callous. For all that is holy, I know I have. I’m not defending that behavior and I’m not proud of it.
I am done with looking the other way. I don’t care if it’s a cruel picture posted on the internet or something I hear in person. I am pointing it out. I won’t be loud. I won’t be insulting. But I will be direct.
This isn’t easy for me. I don’t like confrontation.
HAHAHAHAHAFUCKINGHAHAHAHA. That is an understatement. I loathe confrontation. I’d rather cut my pinky off than have a confrontation. And that is very nearly true.
I am sure there will be times when I will be too afraid to say anything. I’m working on that.
I am proud that I was the lone voice in a long thread of vitriol. I’m proud that I didn’t feel ashamed when I was told I was humorless and too serious. I was proud that I didn’t let my anger get the better of me and respond with anger. Because as much as I hate confrontation, I have a definite line. Once the line gets crossed, my fear leaves, and anger takes over. What a sight to behold. I don’t lose my shit often, but when I do the explosion is impressive. And mostly incoherent.
I am sad that so fucking many of us still behave like the mean kids in high school. Do you think that these mocked people might already be dealing with shit we can’t imagine? Do you think a person who is born with an odd body type already has shit to deal with? And we’re good with the whole goddamn world mocking them? I really don’t see how speaking against this indicts my sense of humor or marks me as one who is too serious.
So, what do you think?
Perhaps, if we call out ugliness when we see it, we can affect a change.
I think people will dig their heels in and defend themselves rather than examine their behavior. But maybe some people will examine their behavior. I know I have. I have been told before when I’m being insensitive and it does sting. We don’t want to think we’re being a bad guy. But if we’re honest, we have to admit that sometimes when we respond defensively, we are admitting that we’re being an asshole. None of us are perfect. We all get ugly sometimes. What matters is that we recognize our own ugliness and take steps to change our behavior.
Okay, so maybe this wasn’t the best “Happy Thanksgiving” post ever.
I hope you are all having a wonderful Thanksgiving. I am thankful to be with my family today. I am thankful to not be at work. I am thankful for all of you.
Normally, Dude gets posted on Saturdays, but we wanted you to share in Dude’s first Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgiving!
It’s been my unfortunate experience that people who tell you you’re being too serious or to get over it are absolutely avoiding any responsibility for the hurt they are causing. They blame the victim for bleeding instead of dropping the knife.
Good for you, standing up for people. And thank you.
Yes, that is exactly true. And thank you. 🙂
I think those people that said mean things were being bullies and insensitive. It took courage for you to stand up to the bullies! Good for you!
Thank you! I felt really good because I didn’t get upset over it. I think my emotional maturity might finally be coming in. Haha.
In the early half of the last century, people flocked to carnival freak shows, or watched “geeks” bite the heads off live chickens. I never figured out if it was curiosity, a “Thank god it isn’t me,” response, or just a perverted type of entertainment. Regardless, I agree with you it is unnecessary, invasive, and cruel. And. . . mocking someone with a disability? Despicable!
Exactly…and now we’re going to have a president who does just that. Sigh.
I had never heard of that site. People can really be awful, and I agree we have mostly regressed back to “mean kids in high school” or maybe even junior high, which was meaner in a more direct way. I can’t understand it, this urge to just hurt people when you can. But I am glad you at least tried to get them to think. And WTF “lol if they are mentally ill?” In my own mean moments, I wish that people would receive that which they are so cavalier or hateful about. Directly. I have thought that a lot since the election. Then I realize that probably makes me even meaner than they are. We all need to speak out and not just let things slide, that is partly why we are here in this awful place…
I agree so much. I will keep speaking out, even if it’s painful. And try to not be hard on yourself. Our thoughts are our thoughts..mine are horrible sometimes..what matters is what we actually say and do. xoxox
Bravo! Absolutely spot on. It is blatant prejudice which would not be tolerated if it was aimed at a colour or race. Ridicule is so hurtful and says so much more about the bullies that it does the bullied. Happy Thanksgiving.
THAT is exactly the point Randy made! Swap the person out for someone in a wheelchair or anyone in a marginalized group and it wouldn’t be acceptable. But people on the fringe or the overweight are fair game. It’s horrible and mean.
Happy Thanksgiving to you, too!
This post brought two of my favorite Live-Your-Life-With-Grace quotes.
1. (My favorite) “Speak your mind even if your voice shakes.” ~Maggie Kuhn
2. “I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.” ~ George Bernard Shaw
I absolutely believe we have to speak our minds when we see cruelty, in justice, or just straight up bullshit. It’s the only way sane, caring people are going to make it through the next four years, but once we’ve spoken, I’m not sure we have to wrestle with them. I think we will need to grab onto a solid skill of speaking, listening, and then, if necessary, deftly stepping out of the fray.
I think you modeled all of this quite well when you left the POWM Facebook argument. Bravely done, carry on! And keep writing to keep the rest of us aware of our need to carry on!
These quotes are more helpful than I can possible tell you. Thank you so so much.
Well said. Another favourite quote that applies is ” Never argue with idiots. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience “. And sadly, that may be the reason for America’s new president.
Oh, I love that quote, too!!
Thank you. Thank you for this post. Well said and RIGHT, THE FUCK, ON!!!!!
Thank you!!! xoxoxox
I recently saw a post on FB that had flattering photos of Melania and Ivanka, and not so flattering photos of Hillary and Chelsea, with an ugly grade-school level comment above them about being dogs. I reported the post to FB as it being hateful, but FB replied that it didn’t violate their community standards. Well, it violated my standards! The guy who posted it was a friend of a friend – I didn’t really know him – and I just quietly unfriended him. Now I wish I’d been brave enough to comment that it was an awful post and was he trying to imply only beautiful woman are worthy? Uggg – yes to not being quiet anymore!
Those posts are so horrible. Just horrible. Don’t be hard on yourself for not saying anything. It’s not easy and we’re all doing the best we can. For every time I point something out, I am letting a dozen go by because I don’t have the courage to say anything. It’s a process.
Thank you. Once again, you are spot on. God bless you, and gave a wonderful Thanksgiving.
Thank you so much..and have a wonderful holiday!
Thumbs up, girl. And to Pam’s posted quotes. And to all the folks who take the “If you see something, say something” beyond a bag left on the ground. There will always be small people but let’s not allow our disdain for them morph into the same sort of self-righteous bigotry of which we accuse them. Don’t wrestle those pigs…speak clearly then walk away, and be nicer as a result. It’s all we can do.
OMG you touched on something so important. Becoming self righteous is NOT helpful. You are right. It might not be easy to be kind, but it is better all around to be as kind as possible. That is not the same as accepting the behavior. But we are all a family..this whole world. If we acted like it, we could solve so much. So very much.
Remember when we used to take photos of stuff we liked? Family events, trips to the zoo to see fabulous animals from far away, vacation moments? And we were happy to share them, right? “Can I look through your photo album?” We owned those snapshots and were proud of them. What the hell happened? I admit I’ve stared at a few very unusual shoppers at WM over the years, but take photos of them and post them online? No. Can’t say I ever wanted to do that. Can’t imagine having the gall to do that. Could you walk up to one of these individuals and say, “Hey, you are such a fucking freak that I’m gonna post your pic so everyone can join me in laughing at your sad ass!” ? If you can’t say that, don’t take that pic. If you feel “safe” behind the anonymity, maybe don’t act. It won’t stop all the shaming, but it might reduce it. Stop and think. People just need to slow the fuck down and think a minute. Happy Thanksgiving to all my American friends!
I love this so much!! YES! Pictures used to be for bringing joy and preserving memories…not as a way to emotionally torture other humans.
Good for you, Michelle. Speaking up to a group can be one of the hardest things to do. When they’re bullying? WAY harder. I’ve read some blogs lately that I haven’t been comfortable with some content (one was Melania bashing) and although it was written in humor it was still mean. I don’t think she deserves that just because of who she is married to. She is an individual. That said, I just clicked away and didn’t say anything. I missed an opportunity to show compassion.
But back to this people of Walmart—I’ve never heard of it. I don’t have the occasion to shop there because I don’t buy in bulk or for kiddies anymore. If I did though, I would be afraid someone was taking my picture and posting it for laughs. Not cool!
I feel like facebook is one big school playground.
They wouldn’t take your picture, these pictures are usually people dressed in really bizarre ways or have very disproportionate body types. I agree with you. I had my thinking adjusted when the naked trump statues were out. I laughed at them at first, but someone pointed out that it’s cruel to fat shame people, regardless and I had to agree.
You know what? You just woke my ass up. I don’t know why I thought that site was funny. I’ve looked at it a few times over the years, usually following links like you do, and shook my head in wonder. But you are 100%right, an I just got my self schooled. Thank you. (Except for that one guy who had a tutu on his pet snake. He knew exactly what he was doing.)
Okay, seeing a tutu on a snake is just cool. And good on you! I LOVE it when we get a shift in our thinking. That has happened to me so many times over the past few years.
I’m so glad you wrote this.
First of all, I haven’t been on FB since the election, but I do remember those posts of people – in emails as well. I have often wondered how a person even had the nerve to hold up a phone and take a picture of those unfortunate souls.
I, too, hate confrontation and would rather cut off a pinky than be involved.
BUT, it is the time to do it now more than ever. I am wearing a safety pin on my jacket for the sake of being willing to defend anyone who is being harassed or made fun of. I don’t mean physically defend because I would be thoroughly lousy at that, but I mean emotionally defend. I hope I’m up for the task.
I admire you Michelle, for sticking to your guns. You have an awesome sense of humor, and the only reason people are telling you to not be so serious is because they feel the need to defend their sorry asses.
In Canada we have our Thanksgiving on the second Monday of October, but I sure miss the Thanksgivings in the US.
Happy Thanksgiving to you, all your readers, Randy, (and Dude – who is so DANG funny). 🙂
Thank you so much! And I love Randy’s Dude pictures. They always make me smile. Dude is laying right next to me as I type this. haha.
Good on you. I saw this stuff on my hubbies fb last week & I was horrified, what an abhorrent thing to do. These people might never go out again, they could even commit suicide, its the worst kind of bullying & we have a responsibility to stand up to bullies. I deleted my fb account some years ago, best thing I did..x
Exactly. Who knows how a person will react if they are humiliated in front of the world? Do we really want to be responsible for that? Do we really not care?
You’re right. They’re people, just like you and me. I’m sure I’ve been made fun of since my stroke, because I don’t walk right, but I’ve never actually heard it. I get mocked online a lot because I stick up for what I think is right in places where the trolls lurk, but I’ve learned to, as my father would say, consider the source, and not really care what they say. I still call them out when I have something true and relevant to say, if I feel like it at the time.
I guess my two reactions to quote from others about this would be:
First, from my childhood hero, Joe Walsh: You can’t argue with a sick mind.
And second, from Emily Yates: Try not to be a dick.
https://emilyyates.bandcamp.com/merch/try-not-to-be-a-dick-sticker
Happy Thanksgiving. I am so damn thankful that I’m not where I was last year at this time. As fucked up as this year has been on so many fronts, for me last year was worse. On the 22ond of November last year there was the fire in the horrible old foundry building where we were living, and they turned the electricity off. This was a place with no kitchen, no shower, no hot water, no heat, and the bathroom was 40 yards down the corridor (which really wasn’t fun for someone who walks as slowly as I do) and then all of the sudden there was no electricity. No lights, no internet. That was last Thanksgiving. So far, I’m liking this one better.
Good on you for standing up to thoughtless cruelty. Some people cannot be reached, and calling them out with as much dignity as you can muster is the best that can be had with them. You may not be able to engage, but you can note your disapproval and get away before you get too much hate on you. You deserve better. We all deserve better, even the trolls, although I haven’t had much success in getting them to see it that way. So I guess it’s back to what I keep reading over and over these days:
Resist!
I am so pleased you are in a better place now! And yes, I am totally in “resist” mode right now. Happy Thanksgiving, my friend!
Right on! People of Walmart is just a fine example of mean girl behavior, and that type of nonsense has really taken over FB. I backed away a lot prior to the election because people that I liked posted ugly things, and I just didn’t want to think about it. It occurs to me that my lefty friends posted an equivalent amount of ugliness(probably less, but my view may be skewed), and I didn’t say much then. I’ve been getting rid of feeds that get my dander up, and I think it’s about time to kill off FB for me.
And in defense of the actual people of Walmart, I’m a vendor that spends about 15 hours a week in Walmarts. I’m treated with courtesy and good humor. Yes, I do wonder about the several adult babies that shop in one store (not a slur, that’s their thing), but everyone just kind smiles at them indulgently and life goes on.
If any of us sees someone behaving in a way that is REALLY outside of what we are used to seeing, it’s not surprising that we’d look or even tell someone about it…but that isn’t the same as taking their picture and ridiculing them. I mean, If I saw adults dressed like babies, I’d be looking. haha. I hope you are having a lovely holiday!
I am ashamed of humanity right now. And thank you for trying anyway. I wonder sometimes if it’s hopeless. Moreso now than a month ago.
Yeah, we’re in some dark times.
I am with you. I’d also decided that I was tired of the ugliness, and that I’m going to speak up about it.
And those People of Wal-Mart? I’ve always known they were people. I don’t know what their lives are like or what they’re like, because I don’t know them–and it doesn’t really matter. I went to that site once, years ago when I first heard about it, and never went back. Laughing at people for perceived differences is ugly, and I want no part of that.
I am ashamed to say that it took a few times of seeing it before I realized that I felt ugly for being darkly entertained by it. I am far from perfect, but I learned to admit that and have been working toward change for years now.
Yes, all so true- Fakebook is all about rampant narcissism.
Let’s showcase to the world how fuckin’ marvellous we are.
And what better way exists than to poke fun at people who are, to a narc, less than perfect.
Guess who first introduced me to the Walmart site for a cheap laugh? On Facebook too?!!! That’s right, my truly malignant narc Golden Child sister.
Lol.
I still dig keeping in touch with people on facebook and the funny..I can always find funny there…but there is so much to trudge through to get to it
Yes, you are right- there is much to trudge through.
But I still keep an account too- so there must be something good too, I guess!!!
I have a confession- I went on the Walmart site after posting the comment yesterday- and in fact there was first a pic of a woman wearing admitedly what looked like bandages or toilet paper, but her figure was amazing, Amazing. So I would be proud of that pic if I was her. Then next up, an elderly couple, the woman riding on the trolley like a kid with the husband pushing her along. I thought that was fab. Then there was a man with his 2 kids, and all 3 of them had Superhero capes on. Well, how cool is that!!!
I personally think the most shameful thing to do is going in there to buy a gun, but that is just me I guess.
Just to clarify my post above, I mean that the website on Walmart is trying to ridicule people, but in fact, they’re in the main pretty cool, esp. the ones who clearly couldn’t give a you know what. All credit to them.
A friend of mine had sex with her boyfriend in yes IN the supermarket once. Don’t know which supermarket, mind you. Over the frozen food. She had people reaching over her to get to the frozen peas.
But the people who have issues going on that we can’t know about: maybe their husband beats them, or they are just in pain or a crisis: well, shame on the website for sure.
But hey, psychos are not well known for their empathy, I guess.
OMG in frozen foods. THAT is amazing.
I LOVE it when people are who they are. Yeah, all the pictures probably aren’t meant for ridicule..but it seems the ones that people share the most are.
Yes, absolutely. You are 100% right there. So sad. 🙁
Thank you for speaking up and speaking out! This type of behavior is beyond disgusting to me. In fact it in some ways it is somewhat worse (I mean it’s all bad) than mean girl/asshole at school behavior because at least at school they can’t and don’t hide themselves. There is just something extra harsh to me to have ADULTS who are supposed to be mature making fun of people they don’t even know from behind a computer screen. All types of bullying is horrible and the word is thrown around a lot so I think in some ways people have gotten immune to it. But those types of sites/posts are prime examples of it.
I remember when I was teased (and did some teasing at school-I surely was no angel)–there are things that stay with me to this day. But (at least until sites like these) I knew even back then the behavior would stop after school. Seriously. Get through the crap because you’ll get out of there. Those days are gone. People are targets 24/7 because for some reason it’s become “okay” to sit behind the safety of your keyboard, act like you’re always perfect, and dissect the looks or actions of other people. It’s so…wrong.
Oh, I know. I am amazed by the way adults are willing to behave and I’m not particularly emotionally mature.
I love the People Of Wal-Mart site. Whenever I need an example of fat-shaming, victim-blaming, judging without cause, or invasion of privacy (just because people are in public doesn’t mean they’ve consented to be photographed) it’s a great example of how the internet can be misused.
Yes, I love it.
Specifically I’d love it to disappear.
Exactly! I am always rooting for the subjects of the pictures.
Thank you Michelle- I have always thought of myself as a loving and kind person, however I am very embarrassed to say I have laughed at these photos and have never really thought about the human on the other end. You are right- and I’m so glad you said something.
We all have our moments..I have had so many of my own. I am glad this resonated with you. XOXOX