I suck at so much adult stuff, like getting the tags on my car renewed on time or flossing.
This year, however, I did the grown up thing and got my flu shot.
It was super easy. We get them free at work. The sign up sheet was just outside the door to my room. The needle jabber guy came in and I had to walk about 10 yards and wait for 2 or 3 minutes. Easy peasy.
I started feeling like wide open ass last Wednesday. I was fine Wednesday morning and then, by lunch, I had chills, felt achy, and my brain had filled up with rancid cotton candy.
Fucking shit. This is the flu, isn’t it?
I wasn’t going to fuck about.
I’ve read too many stories of people dying of the flu.
I have a few general complaints about life right now, but I sure as fuck want to be here.
I called the doc and got an appointment for a few hours later. I love my doctor. He’s funny and I hardly ever have to wait.
The nurse took my vitals. My blood pressure improved, my weight was down. and my temperature normal.
I’m being a hypochondriac again. I’m fine. This is dumb.
The doc came in and asked about my symptoms.
Doc: Yeah, you have the flu.
Me: I don’t know. I don’t even feel that bad. Just cold and off. A little achy.
Doc: It’s the flu.
Me: Maybe I just think I feel this way because a girl I work with had the flu and I have hysterical flu.
Doc. It’s the regular flu.
Me: My nose isn’t even stuffy.
Doc: Flu.
They did the nose swab thingy. I have the flu.
The doctor told me that people who got a flu shot seem to be having milder symptoms. He gave me a prescription
for Tamiflu and sent me on my way.
$125. for the Tamiflu generic. For $125., the generic should have made me chicken soup and found the goddamn remote for me.
The remote was in my pillow case. I have no idea.
All in all, I got off lucky.
A few days of feeling like shit with a strong side of cranky followed by a few days of being super tired and maybe a little weepy. Honestly though, the weepiness could be old lady hormones. I think I made up the word “weepiness” because it has that read squiggly line under it. Seems like it should be a word. I would google it, but I can’t right now because I have the flu.
Which brings us to our list.
The top ten best things about having a mild flu:
- People with the flu are tragic delicate flowers who have to conserve strength. While speaking out loud does expend energy, one can draw strength by bravely speaking sentences such as these: “I really wish I could clean out the cat boxes right now. But, I have the flu.” or “I was going to clean the bathroom today. But I have the flu. Could you do it? And could you make me some hot tea first? Perhaps a little more honey this time? Ohhh, yeah, and don’t forget the baseboards in the bathroom.”
- Having the flu gives us time to contemplate what we have to be grateful for. For instance, having a mild case of the flu is way better than your hair being on fire. Which reminds me, one time, a few years ago, Randy set his own hair on fire. He was standing in the bedroom playing with a goddamn lighter and whoosh…the front of his hair caught on fire. He saw the look on my face and put it out pretty quick. The bedroom smelled like burnt hair for hours and Randy is no longer allowed to have lighters.
- It is important to conserve strength, but you can’t just lay there and stare at the ceiling. Especially, if you are burning one of your precious paid time off days from work. Some joy must be had. There is no better time to binge a beloved show or watch something new. I chose to do a little of both. I watched some Buffy because I have to watch Buffy when I am sick and I started watching The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. Holy shit, I cannot recommend this show enough. If you have access to Amazon prime, flu or no flu, watch this show. This show is hysterical and well written. Even Randy likes it and he is hard to please.
- If you return to work after taking Tamiflu and let everyone know you have the flu, they will leave you the fuck alone. I’m thinking about getting the flu at least once a month.
- Flu dreams are interesting. Flu dreams take you to places which would make Seuss and Dali say “This is some weird ass shit.”
- People are more tolerant of your crabbiness. For instance, if someone you work with makes a comment like “you girls are silly” and you respond with “Really, Larry? Girls are silly? How about boys? Would it be appropriate for me to say to you, a grown ass man, that boys are silly?” They kind of smile and mumble something and go away. I think. So far, I have not been contacted by HR. While I do think I make a valid point, the point could have been delivered in a more constructive manner.
- You get some makeup free days. There is no point to putting on makeup. Trust me, your normal makeup routine will not be enough makeup to cover the ravages of a mild case of the flu. I know this because we had our annual company party last night and they give out some fabulous prizes. You have to be there to win. I would have to be a lot sicker to miss out. I started putting make up on in the early afternoon. By the time we left, I had 5 layers on. My face actually felt heavier. I didn’t win anything.
- Chinese food. I don’t know if you guys know this or not, but it’s kind of important to eat Chinese food when you are sick. I don’t know why this is true and have no scientific evidence to back it up, I just know when I am sick, nothing on the planet tastes better than Chinese take out. I would look it up and see what magic makes this true, but I have the flu.
- Extra blankets and lots of pillows make the cold chills worth it. I’ve been fighting night sweats for a while, rolling up like a burrito in two blankets, a sheet and comforter is some cozy shit.
- Flu > insomnia. I slept five uninterrupted hours, my personal best since I turned 50.
I’m pretty much over the flu and going back to work tomorrow. I’ll be tired. Probably, still a little cranky. I’m hoping people will still be looking at me like I’m typhoid Mary and leave me alone.
Now, my advice to you, don’t fuck around if you have flu symptoms.
If you have them, see your doctor or get into an urgent care, then please do. The flu isn’t anything to fuck around with.
Have you read The Stand? Everything you ever wanted to know about flu. Also, a very good book to read while sick. I have no idea why. It’s like the Chinese take out thing.
Nice post. This brings home the point that there is a positive side to everything…including a mild flu. We just have to look for it. 🙂 I think the extra pillows and blankets are my favorite part…plus the extended uninterrupted sleep!
Yes..the sleep is so much needed and so much missed.
I’m glad you’re better. Also, how did you know the misogynist jerk in my office is named Larry? Is that just a thing?
Hahaha..it must be!
I just had a bad cold and became weepy. Just the Olympic commercials and I am in tears!
I think I am over the cold and the weepiness, btw it is a word, or it will be a long 2 weeks of sobbing about skating and skiing.
If it helps..ice skating makes me cry. And we have a granddaughter who skates. haha
Okay, now this is getting freaky! 1. I got the flu shot 2. I have the flu 3. I’ve been having some crazy-ass dreams 4. I made hubby go get me takeout Chinese food. Enough said!
It’s official. We’re twins.
My go to sick meal used to be spaghetti-o’s with meatballs and sprite….now I can’t stomach either one! Maybe I will have to try Chinese food instead….but fingers crossed that I don’t have to try any time soon! Glad you’re getting better!
Chinese take out is WAY better than Spagetti-o’s. Haha
I had the flu a few weeks back and I can confirm the weird dream thing.
I slept through the flu. My dad never got sick when I was a kid but on the few occasions when he did, he disappeared into the bedroom and slept until it passed. I tend to do the same thing.
I’m better now.
Yeah, I’m worn out and crabby today, but much better. It wasn’t a very strong case of the flu at all. More annoying than anything
Weepiness is definitely a word. Google returned “About 56,700 results (0.34 seconds) ” because of course I Googled it for you; you have the flu.
Spellcheck is still doing the wavy red line under it, but who are you gonna believe?
I had to go pick up my meds at the Highland Hospital Pharmacy last week, and I just tried not to breathe while I was there, and washed my hands a lot.
So far, so good.
I hope you are feeling much better very soon.
Thank you for googling for me!! I KNEW someone would.
I am much better. Tired and cranky and ready to go the fuck home right now.
I had influenza B. All I wanted was chicken soup watered down Gatorade and grilled cheese sandwiches. Glad yours was mild – I am still getting my strength back three weeks later.
Oh wow…Here’s to hoping you stay healthy!
I’m tellin’ ya: Licking a snuffy, snotty grandbaby works better than the shot 😉
*knocks on wood table*
Hahah..my grandkids have made me sick so many times. Once, my granddaughter sneezed directly into my mouth.
It’s hard to say what’s more fantastic here: how you handled the douche canoe Larry or Randy going all Richard Pryor in the bedroom. I’m gonna go with catching up on TV. Where I work is where I get the Buffy DVDs, but the work I’m required to do seriously cuts into my Buffy-watching time, and also I’ve read a lot by serious and important critics about how awesome The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel is, and thank you for confirming that it really is that good because I trust your opinion more than theirs.
Anyway I’m glad you’re feeling better and that you got the flu shot. Ever since a friend of mine ended up in the hospital with pneumonia that started as the flu I’ve made sure to get it and encouraged everyone to get it. Also we have this thing at work called Flulapalooza. Originally it was Flustock and then it became Flutamont and there was an ugly incident with Doctors Without Borders providing security and giving out rubella shots. Sometimes they have a women-only vaccination event called Flulith Fair.
Ohhhh nooooooooooo…..Randy jokes. You’re telling Randy jokes. Fluith Fair? Hahahahahahha
You really will love Mrs Maisel. And where are you on Buffy? (that sounded dirtier than I intended) Did you pick it back up again?
I’m definitely back on Buffy–wait, that sounds even more wrong. After a temporary break I’ve restarted watching Buffy and I’m more than halfway through season 4 now.
And while I thought seasons 1 and 2 were great season 3 was just brilliant, and now season 4 is even better and I’m just amazed.
Haha YAY!
Love your Chinese food discovery. Glad it was mild and glad you feel better. I have Amazon prime but not a smart tv to watch it on. Must look into that. Before I get sick!
I don’t know when I discovered it, I just know it is the only thing that will do. Chinese food and flu, they go together
Glad to know you got over the flu pretty painlessnessly…Did you have any bad side effects from the Tamiflu? My son took it before and ended up w hallucinations and a lot of throw up. Not pretty at all. I just want this flu season to be over now. I am so stressed over it, and I’m glad I read your light-hearted post!
No hallucinations, but my stomach was quite upset. I’m just glad it is over with.
No Flu For You! Well, ME. Also, bad Seinfeld something. I do not get flu shots (yet). I have not (yet) had my annual colonoscopies. I do not get “sick” (much). I DID die one Sunday, maybe a month ago? I forget, honestly, but thankfully, I blogged about it when it happened, so there’s that.
I am not so much exposed to vectors, having neither an “office” to work in nor grandbabies to snuggle. I’m so grateful my furbabies can’t spread any of their feline cooties into my immune system! I do love my snuggles with them (when they smush up against my face for better bellyrubs in the middle of my sleep).
Weepiness is absolutely a word. So weird that Google/Chrome/autocorrect doesn’t yet recognize it as such. Then again, Google/Chrome/autocorrect also don’t recognize “grandbabies”, “furbabies”, “smush”, “bellyrubs”, or “autocorrect” either, so I’m thinking it’s time for us to stop trusting them, just in general. YOUR weepiness was definitely NOT a result of flu, though, I’m certain. But then again, I’m not a doctor. I just (sometimes) play one on TV. Glad you’re feeling better!
Go get your colonoscopy. It’s not THAT bad and it’s important. 🙂
You can’t make me! You’re not the boss of me! You’re only 3 1/4 years older than me, anyway! 😛 😛 😛
Primarily, I don’t have health insurance. Once I get me some o’dat, I’ll drink the gallon of koolaid I’ve got waiting for me (yeah, I’d made an appointment and gotten the prep, and then cancelled the appointment, back when I DID have insurance) and get my innards looked at real good. Gawd!
OMG the prep is the worst! Holy shit. It pisses me off so bad that people can’t get the care they need. It sucks that you can’t get preventative tests. 🙁