September is national “courtesy month” and it is also national “blueberry popsicle month”. I don’t want to disparage blueberry popsicles in any way, but I think we take this “month” thing a too far.
I guess we could have national “park bench” month, but not just any park bench, it’s that one park bench at the corner 4th and 20th streets. Not the one painted red, the other one with the broken seat. So, “Broken park bench at the corner of 4th and 20th. Not the red bench month”.
Yes, I realize 4th and 2oth streets would never intersect. But they do in my made up world. I’m also disappointed that broken park bench month is under-represented by greeting card companies. A simple card could just say “Happy Broken Park Bench Month!” and the inside would read “For fuck’s sake, call 
your mother.“
Courtesy month is a great idea. We could all stand to be more courteous.
Me, for instance.
Last week, driving to work in the morning sucked ass. This is the worst traffic time of the year, school starts up and then everyone with a car is in my way. Interstate traffic was start and stop and one morning, I couldn’t take it. I decided to get off the interstate and take a back way into work, even if it meant getting to work late. I hate starting my days stressed out.
Anyway, this car blows up beside me just as I’m getting off the exit and tried to nose it’s way in.
Normally, I would let them merge. Normally, I get a little grumbly about it. This time, though, I thought “Fuck you, motherfucker” and I didn’t drop back to let him in.
I stopped at a light when my phone made the bee boop sound it makes when I get a text. I tapped the screen and read “Thanks for letting me merge, asshole.”
What the fuck?
The person I didn’t let merge was some dude I used to work with. HAHAHAHA. I immediately called him and laughed my ass off. I suggested he plan his merging better, not wait until the last moment which ends up in cutting a motherfucker off.
Had either one of us been more courteous, then this exchange would have never taken place. It did make me laugh. Now, I have to re-think whether or not I agree with the whole “courtesy month” thing. Laughing is goddamn important.
September 6th was “fight procrastination day”.
Disclaimer: It is physically hurting me to not take the easy joke here. I am sorry. I’m going to do it.
Anyway, I was going to write about “fight procrastination day”, but I put it off too long.
Sorry.
Today is “chocolate milkshake day”. I am going to celebrate by not getting a chocolate milkshake and then complaining about how fat I am.
Anyway, the moral is, be nice to your blueberry popsicle. Don’t put off buying your popsicle a chocolate milkshake until it’s too late. Also, don’t sit on that bench, it’s broken.
I’m not really sorry.
Photo courtesy of Sophia Hilmar
I always, always take vacation the first week of school. I do not ever again want to get caught up in the traffic nightmare that is bus drivers on new routes and anxious parents all parked around the bus stop. Much easier to venture out after school has started and way more fun to enjoy my neighborhood with all the kids at school again!
It was SLIGHTLY better this morning. But not much.
I was aghast, wondering how he knew your number!! Whew.
My co-worker spouts off what “day” it is every day. Yawn. But blueberry popsicles hold a special place in my heart. We bought a cabin in the mountains and the water in the hot tub smelled like sulfur. No one would ever want to get in there. We had to buy a very expensive water purifier. The next time someone came to the cabin with us, they opened up the hot tub and said “Oh, my God. That smell.” and we panicked. We asked what it smelled like and they said “blueberry popsicle” and we did the Happy Dance.
Hahhah…yeah, that’s a good smell.
The daily holidays do crack me up. I want to not have a chocolate milkshake today too and complain about my fat but really I want to have a chocolate milkshake and celebrate it’s holiday and not complain about my fat!
i think you’re celebrating better than I am. 🙂
One year, I went through a list of all of the things for which July was the official month.
It included Horseradish Month and “Wheelchair Beautification” Month!
I’m not sure there’s much quality control on what gets a month and what doesn’t.
Haha..there doesn’t seem to be
Ahhh. The joys of rural Oregon.
No traffic jams where I live. Yesterday, I went to go visit my son and someone was backing a boat trailer across the street I needed, so I just flipped the ‘U’ and went to the next street down.
No biggie.
Which is WHY I live as a Ruralite.
I can be courteous ALL month if I don’t have to go to the ‘Big Town.’
I have been the ‘No fucking way you’re getting in my stopping space!’ and the ‘Sure! Slide in there Big Truck!’ driver on many occasions.
It NEVER fails. I let the asshole going 20 in the 30 get ahead of me and the guy who likes to use my rearview mirror from his car is the one I bully for front position.
Usually at night. When they can leave their lights on in my sideview and blind me everytime I check to see how far behind me they are.
I choose Blueberry Popsicle month.
I do Courtesy Month every damn day I walk through the doors and open the gate at work.
I figure it balances out somewhere.
I’m all for it for the rest of Humanity.
However.
😉
I would LOVE no traffic. Love it. But I don’t think I’d be good in the middle of nowhere. I don’t want to converse with people, but I like having them around.
That’s cuz you got your Rubber Shoes on 😉
I’m skipping barefoot through Hell and have chosen the least singed place to endure.
You are WAY tougher than me.
*echoes* “… likes having people around…”
BWah-hah-ha
I don’t think I’ve ever even had a blueberry popsicle. The thing with the guy calling would have freaked me out – but what a funny way for that to end. Better than a road rage chase, right?
I don’t think I’ve had one, either. And yes, the text freaked me out for a second until I realized who it was.
When I read “this car blows up beside me just as I’m getting off the exit” I thought, holy shit, on top of lousy traffic you had a horrendous accident. Did the driver and any passengers miraculously emerge unscathed? What was wrong that caused that car to spontaneously explode? Did you get any on you?
At least the answer to the last question was a very funny “Yes, but in a weird way”.
And your former co-worker needs to know about National Courtesy Month. Seriously, asking someone to let you merge because you’re an asshole who couldn’t be bothered back when you knew you should is rude. He deserved to explode.
HAHAHAH…okay…it didn’t actually BLOW UP.
I realize that 4th and 20th never intersect! Ha!
🙂
I cannot believe you made that procrastination joke. I hope I can find it in me to get over this one day.
I couldn’t help it. I swear.
I want to send that card to my son. That’s fuckin’ funny, that is. Thanks for the out-loud laugh!
Randy is going to make it and put it in my zazzle store!
I’m down for a handful!
At least!
We have a bag of frozen blueberries in the freezer, do they count? Also, is your phone white, by chance? As in “Paging Michelle, white courtesy telephone please.”
HAHHAHA…oookay..weird. The case to my phone IS white.
I was thinking of the Laurie Anderson song Sharkey’s Day:
“Paging Mr. Sharkey. White courtesy telephone please.”
I was going to give you hell about that procrastination joke earlier but I just now got to it.
OK, now the heat is off you and on me. You’re welcome. 🙂
you are true blue!
Well…I GUESS I can take a break from the daily verbal abuse I normally dish out to my blueberry popsicles, but it’s going to be tough. I may have to lay some hate on the frozen peas a little more than usual to compensate.
HAHAHAAH..may I suggest the lima beans instead? Fucking lima beans.
Fucking lima beans indeed. It’s a nice thought, but it would involve me going to the grocery store to berate the fucking lima beans since I refuse to have those chalky green bastards in my house, and I can’t be entirely sure but I think Safeway frowns on customers hurling expletives in their freezer section.
Someone has to do it!
Too funny. As usual. I laughed out loud, disrupting my husband’s phone conversation with his long-winded, long-distance calling sister. I didn’t care. Thanks for the guffaw. It was worth my husband’s hairy eyeball.
Hahahaha…I am glad you laughed!
Funny procrastination day is so close to Labor Day.
Hahaha…right?
I’ve always wanted to have one of those “Day” calendars that tells you what special day it is. But, then again, I’m too broke to celebrate most of them. We are preparing for a special 12 days of Christmas thing at our house this year. Where each of the days leading up to Christmas we will do a special thing. I have kids aged 5.5 and 3, so that makes sense. I don’t know that adults would enjoy it the same unless it involved a different holiday themed drink each night…
Hahah…Yeah, I like the drinking thing.
I dunno, courtesy is all well and good, but there are some people who don’t deserve it and there’s no month that’ll persuade me otherwise 😉 Blueberry popsicles on the other hand… now we’re talking!
I agree. I try to take the high road..but I don’t always succeed.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for celebrating shit. Like, if it means I get extra cake (or in this case, a blueberry popsicle), then fine. But OMG, can we stop with the guilting? This last weekend was apparently National Grandparents Day. I don’t know. That’s not been a holiday that I’ve ever encountered. And my step-mother-in-law (because of course those exist) sent a cranky 11 p.m. text to my sister-in-law (so, her step-daughter-in-law) saying that my father-in-law (so, husband to the step-mother-in-law and father to the sister-in-law) was sitting by his phone, waiting for a call for National Grandparents Day.
Mind you, the grandchildren in question (my niece and nephew) are 4. They don’t know about the holiday. My sister-in-law also didn’t know the holiday was a thing. And finally, WHY THE FUCK DO STEP-MOTHERS-IN-LAW THINK THIS IS THEIR PLACE?
Okay. This comment got away from me, and not least of all because of the family relationship explanation gymnastics. My point: Fine. You want to celebrate Left Hand Pinky Day, have at it. Just don’t guilt others into celebrating your weird little world.
Exactly! I don’t give a fuck about any of those holidays. I mean, mother’s day and all that. I don’t want my kids to feel obligated. I’d rather they just call or visit cause they want to.
I’m now sulking as we don’t have blueberry popsicles on this side of the pond, so they won’t be getting any courtesy from this direction.
Who comes up with these daft days, months etc. anyway? Do they get paid for it? If so I want that job, even though I suspect I wouldn’t last long as my first few suggestions would be ‘Smack an annoying co-worker over the head with a chair day’, ‘Poke in the eye for people that tell you to smile day’ and ‘Re-enact Guy Fawkes night’.
That would be such an awesome job! Who do we talk to about that?
OMG too funny about the text – I thought at first it was some crazy big brother thing where they can get your cell number from your licence plate.
btw: just got home from holidays and thank you for the cd – I LOVE IT – and the title is my mantra these days to get through some tough stuff.
I am so SO glad you are enjoying it! And yeah, the text freaked me out a little until I saw who it was from and then it was just funny.
Obviously you meant 4th Avenue and 20th Street, which could totally intersect (and do in NYC). One of my favorite “holidays” is Be Late For Something Day . . . it was actually on the 5th but I think it would be appropriate to celebrate it today. Oh, and one other thing – I had no idea they made blueberry popsicles. I am going to the store right now to see if I can find some to be courteous to!
Hahaha…did you find your blueberry popsicles?