Category Archives: Life

Happy Clams (Or are they)?

Posted on by under Life

Why are clams happy? And how does one determine happiness in a clam? I’ve seen clams. They don’t seem to display a broad range of emotions.

Devastated clam

happy clam

Happy clam

happy clam

I mean, I don’t want to aspire to such loftiness as being as happy as a clam, but since it is Sunday, and Sundays tend to be gloomy for me, I am looking for reasons to be grateful.

Reason One

I was going to write a whole blog post about this, but I can’t. I’m processing in a big goddamn way.

I left work at noon on Friday because my mom called and they were at the hospital. My dad had a heart attack.

If you have been around a while, then you know my dad is a malignant narcissist.

Everything about this has fucked with me. I will leave it at this. He is okay. He will probably come home on Monday. Maybe Tuesday.

I fed him food. I wanted him to be comfortable.

I think everything is fine right now. He does have congestive heart failure and walks like Tim Conway as the old man on the Carol Burnett show. I don’t think he’s going to be around a super long time.

I am happy because my mom is okay. And my sisters and I don’t have to worry, right now, about dealing with the death of our father.

Which is awesome because death sucks. I fed him a turkey sandwich and felt guilty about every fucking word I ever wrote about parental narcissism.

Because he is frail and I am not.

Reason Two

I have never, even once, heard the Baby Shark song.

Reason Three

Randy made queso fundido for lunch. I also have left over Chinese food for later.

Reason Four

In just a few weeks, we will have five of our grandkids in the same room. The stars have not aligned like this for years. I am so grateful for this opportunity. I’m glad that our kids and all of their spawn will spend the holiday with us.

I guess it is the season for giving thanks.

I’m going to try to keep this trend going.

So tell me, what are you grateful for?

 

 

 

 

 

 

I Hereby Decree

Posted on by under Life

Before starting I Hereby Decree, I want to honor a member of this community who passed. For those of you who have been here a while, you’ve probably seen Harry Hamid comment. Doug from Oakland sent a comment to me last week to let me know Harry died. I’m sorry he’s gone. I’m glad he was here.

I love you all. 

I’m sure you all saw or heard about the stupid president tweeting his “decree” that businesses start looking for alternatives to doing business with China. This is ridiculous, frustrating and is just intertwined with dozens of other words or actions that are ridiculous and frustrating.

I can’t change life right now, but I have decided to issue a few decrees of my own.

I hereby decree that I will start looking for joy more often than sorrow.

I am happy I exist and am grateful to be on this planet. It is glorious to be alive. There is so much ugliness, death and sorrow, but there is so much good. I see stories every day where people are kind and helpful. We need this. We need all of this. I’d rather laugh than cry and I’ve been crying way too much. I know I missed another week last week. I’m struggling. My depression has been winning. I don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel yet, but I do know it is there and that is something.

I hereby decree I will continue to try to make a difference.

After the stupid president issued his decree that we start looking for alternatives to doing business with China, I issued my own decree on Twitter. I tweeted “I hereby decree that everyone on Twitter send me a dollar”.

It was just a snarky tweet, but then the most incredible thing happened. A few people asked where to send their dollar. I had no intention of collecting money for myself, so whenever someone asked where to send money, I requested they send their money to the ACLU.  You guys, my tweet raised $95 for the ACLU and $5 for Planned Parenthood.  I know in the big scheme of things, that is not a huge amount, but what if we all did the least we could do? If we all did the least we could do, we would move mountains.

I hereby decree that I support teachers and all they do.

My older stepdaughter is an art teacher in Maryland. She teaches K-6. She works in a poor district and was allotted $100 to stock a completely empty classroom.

There is an effort to help teachers get what they need on Twitter. The hashtag is #ClearTheLists. Teachers post their Amazon wishlists on Twitter and strangers help stock their classrooms. By promoting my stepdaughter’s list, I was able to get her a few things she needs.

Also, a Twitter friend’s mom works at a craft store and with her employee discount, she was able to obtain 34 POUNDS of art supplies for my stepdaughter. For ten bucks. I am so grateful and my stepdaughter is just flabbergasted at the response. She and her husband have 3 kids and aren’t well off, so this has been a godsend for her.

I hereby decree that I will keep this trend going where I convince myself that I am not in danger. 

Okay, so we are all in danger which is a condition of life. I’m cool with that. What I have to tell myself, every day, is when I go to work I am safe. No one can hurt me. Even if I make a terrible mistake and am asked to leave, my life isn’t over. I know this seems simple, but this is a huge stress for me. I’m not completely successful, but I have been successful enough that I’m not medicating as much as I used to. I will take this as a win.

I hope you all are happy and safe.

I hope that I find my groove again.

Thank you for being here.