Summer is over.

Thank the stars, it’s been a difficult one. We’re all good. Everyone is intact. And that is very nearly true!

I am intact, but my mental health has taken a beating.

My physical health has been a big part of the mental health issues. I had been feeling bad for months, but then COVID came along, everything blew up. My heart rate was wonky. It went from way too low to way too high and kind of bounced between the two for a while.

After a few visits to the ER, we concluded that a change of medicine and getting over COVID would probably fix the issue. I feel like the issues are fixed. My last test came back good and my pulse is back it’s normal rate. I feel better. I was on a beta blocker and I think it just kicked my ass for months. I’m just waiting for my brain to catch up with the news that I’m not actually on the verge of a stroke or a heart attack. As of now, my brain remains skeptical.

At least we ended summer on a good note.

Randy and I took an eight day car trip together at the end of September. In 29 years, we have taken one vacation with just the two of us. This was our second.

We went to the beaches of South Haven, Michigan for a few days, then went further north to North Port. The weather was perfect and the coast was beautiful.

Randy took this picture of me, sitting under a streetlamp just after sunset, on North Beach in South Haven. I’m not usually a fan of pictures of me, but this is stunning.

We ended our trip in Chicago. We saw Nick Cave with his piano and Colin Greenwood, the bassist from Radiohead. We were in the most nose bleediest of seats, but it didn’t matter. What an amazing show.

I could continue telling you about the beauty of Lake Michigan or how gorgeous the Nick Cave show was, but I would rather tell you about the dispensaries.

Michigan is a recreational state and we were there to recreate so one of our first orders of business was to google “Dispensary near me”.

I picked the first one on the list, which was 9 miles away.

It doesn’t take many miles to leave the beach town of South Haven to get to some secluded county roads.

We came upon this compound looking place. Ramshackle house, out buildings, vans and campers. There were multiple hand painted signs at the top of the dirt driveway. I was about to mention to Randy that it reminded me a little of an X Files episode when the nice lady in my phone said “You have arrived.”

Randy: I’m not going in there.

Me: I am totally going in there.

The first building on the dirt driveway was basically a shed with a deck and a sliding glass door. I told Randy I’d just run in and see what was what.

I was not prepared, y’all.

There was a single employee in the shed. He looked like a more morose Adam Driver and wore a full on Tigger costume. Like a onsie type thing with a hood.

I said the first thing I could think of, “Love the outfit, Tigger!”

He said “Okay? Thanks?” in a manner that said “Why would you even mention it?”

To be fair, I don’t live in Michigan. Perhaps, it is typical for dispensary employees to dress in 100 Acre Wood costumes.

I purchased a few items and stepped back outside. There was a couple coming up the deck steps carrying a basket of fruit and vegetables. The dude said “This is the best place ever, isn’t it?”

I did have to agree. It was a highlight of the trip up to that point.

They offered me tomatoes and apples. I thanked them, but declined. We were on vacation, I wouldn’t be doing any cooking, and I didn’t want their food to go to waste.

So, the dude says “Okay, instead I will give you a comic book. I draw these by hand and give them away.”

He gave me a hand drawn comic book filled mostly with porn cartoons.

Hands down the best dispensary experience of my life.

We went to a second dispensary up the coast and, while similar in size, it did appear to be operating in a manner one expects in a dispensary. Also, no Winnie the Pooh characters anywhere.

There was, however, an enormous statue of a woman in a red bikini by the building. You will notice the inner thighs look a little bruised. Randy and I assume they look bruised from all the hands on her legs for pervy photo opportunities.

All in all, my experience with dispensaries in Michigan were a little trippy.

Appropriate, I guess.

It feels good to write down some words after not for so long. I hope you all are well.

Just a bit at a time.

This year has been particularly difficult.

Between injuries, some fucked up mental health issues, and blood pressure bullshit, I’m not at my best.

I don’t do as much as I used to and I’m tired all the time. I thought it was mostly due to getting used to the new medicines. In fact, I discussed that possibility with my doctor on Friday. I told her that I felt like the medications was causing some depression symptoms.

She floated the possibility that perhaps depression was causing my depression symptoms.

Which, you know, makes sense.

I’m super grateful that the panic attacks are still under control. That’s awesome. But it’s not enough. We’re going to try some new medications, but I also know I have to force myself out of the pattern I’ve been in.

I have to force myself to care about more than bingeing something on Netflix.

So I did.

I did a few things.

First, a few weeks ago, when I was driving around trying to decide what I wanted to do for lunch, I decided to get a tattoo that I’ve wanted for years now.

I talked to the nice lady in my phone who tells me where things are and she led me to the closest tattoo parlor.

The tattoo I wanted was very simple. I wasn’t worried that it wouldn’t look good. I didn’t think I’d actually be able to get a tattoo, but I’d at least make the appointment.

I went in and there were two young men who were the artists and one had a client in his chair.

I told them what I wanted and the other dude said he could do it right then.

So, I was in.

The artist who had a young man in his chair asked Alexa to play The Doors. I heard the beginning of Light My Fire, just as I was settling into the chair.

Tattoo Artist #1: Oh man…it would the one song of theirs I don’t like.

Me: Yeah. It’s hard to listen to. Kind of like Stairway To Heaven. It’s just been too many times.

We proceeded to have a lovely conversation about The Doors.

Tattoo Artist #1: So, did you get a chance to see them live?

Me:…

Me: Dude. How the fuck old do you think I am?

Tattoo Artist #1: Uh…no no..I didn’t mean.

Me: Jim Morrison died in 1971.

Me: I was 8.

Tattoo Artist #2: But you were at least born.

Me: You know…I haven’t tipped you yet.

I let the poor guys off the hook. They were both younger than 3 of our 4 children and therefore are babies.

Tattoo Artist #2 did a great job. My new tattoo serves both as a reminder and as a homage to Douglas Adams.

The other thing I did was find an open mic event.

We went a week ago Sunday. I didn’t practice this at all, but I was familiar with the material. I felt pretty good about jumping back in. The audio isn’t very good. Mostly people say they don’t understand the last line. It’s “you must win”.

Anyway…I have been writing some new material and am going to do this again soon.

I’m trying to climb out.

Okay.

So, I haven’t been okay for a while.  This is likely to be all over the place, so buckle up. Maybe, take some anti-nausea medicine or something.

Just after my birthday, I had a panic attack, after not having a panic attack for years.

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