What is better than that? All we have are moments, and one of the best moments is flipping over a pillow and for a few seconds, the pillow is deliciously cool.
I’m trying to appreciate the “cool side of the pillow” moments as much as I can.
That is sometimes difficult for me. Something really cool happens? Yay!!! I’m going to go ahead and detach and not feel anything at all.
It’s not all bad. Sooner or later, I come around.
Anyway, I’ve had some cool things happen lately. Which is nice because I’ve been in a holding pattern. Randy got sick and shit got derailed. I had been working at writing for other sites. It was fun and gratifying and then I just stopped.
Randy is better. I am finding my way again.
I love the absurd. I love it. One of my favorite sites is MockMom. If you like satire, you will love this site.
When I decided to start submitting again, this was the first place I thought of. They were kind enough to accept my piece. This was my “cool side of the pillow” moment for the week.
I read recently that foot contouring is a thing. Like an actual thing that people will pay money for. You pay for someone to stain your feet to give them attractive shadows.
Humans are so weird.
Anyway, I thought it would be funny to write an article about foot contouring for babies. So here I am on MockMom writing about foot contouring for preschoolers.
I hope you are all having a kick ass weekend. Cheers, motherfuckers!
Here are some memes that I posted on the Rubber Shoes In Hell Facebook page.
This has suddenly become my go-to place for keeping up with the latest trends and staying at least somewhat within “the loop”. That dreaded, fucking loop that I’ve been peering at from outside the boundaries. Seriously? “Foot Contouring”??? Once again, I had to look it up. And I burst out laughing! Uh…..all you young and happening cats and kittens—-that’s called putting self-tanner on your feet! OMFG! It’s only a matter of time before we return to the old-school methods and call them “new and improved”! And we “hill sitters” will know the truth. HAHA!
I must now go and check out your piece on MockMom!
I LOVE it when we’re ‘virtually’ sitting next to each other…typing away… Mornin’ Luv 🙂
Good morning, my friend! Our virtual synchronicity is yet another “Cool Side of the Pillow” moment, seeing as how we are three hours apart in time! 😀
Hahaah..I found the whole thing hilarious as well.
Yeah… your viewing is much like the ‘ViewMaster’ ‘eh?
OMG!!
Remember the ViewMaster????
Good Morning!!
First thing I see: Cool Side of the Pillow
First thing I think: Not with Flannel… then it’s the DRY side of the pillow.
I have to admit, though, I dropped the ball on the foot staining for preschoolers. Apparently I missed the ever important words: Stain and Appearance. I thought it was like foot binding… After I commented, of FUCKING COURSE, I realized my misunderstanding had gone public and detracted from your sardonic underscoring of the importance of the preschooler foot contour and the ensuing interactions it would have for building her confidence.
Whoops. Sorry. My Bad.
That’s what I get for dividing my Twitter and FaceBook loyalties.
I LOVE your Memes.
🙂
George? Will you pet my fur? I’m having ‘I’m so stupid I can never show my presence on Facebook again’ thoughts 🙁
Oh, Wait. My goat is my picture.
Whew.
*high fives Michelle and Terri Lee*
Cool Side of the Pillow moment 🙂
You really don’t have to worry about it. I’ve made tons of comments and later realized I misunderstood or whatever…fuck it. Who cares? We’re all just human.
*patting Lisa’s head and stroking her long, luxurious fur the right way*
It’s okay, Lisa, it’s all okay. I have not shown my presence on Facebook for months, other than having to check here and there for a picture of my great nephew. I tired early of the political nonsense and hateful vitriol surrounding this coming election. Perhaps it’s time for George to return and coax Lisa out of her “commenting shame”. Oh, and soothe the embarrassment of her poor goat! HAHA! (I wish I had a goat!)
Do you think if “Crap Hair” really got elected, he’d hang his name on the White House? Now, I shall wander off aimlessly, giving serious consideration to that Baby Feet product.
How long does it take before you can go somewhere without leaving parts of your feet behind? Much research to be done! 😀
*stretches to let Terri Lee fix that last snarly part*
Aaahhh. Much better. Thank YOU!!!
I’m just gonna lie here awhile…
*props up on elbow*
Rage-M? Can you get a flow chart for proper spelling/usage of lay/lie/laid/laying/lying… etc
I LOVED the ‘They’re/Their/There’ one 🙂 and now that I’m not freaking out over the Foot Contouring comments and your contingent love, I’m gonna focus my fret on laying around improperly.
Fuck
It’s Caturday, Y’all.
*rests head back on Terri Lee’s shoulder*
Crap Hair… that’s funny 🙂
OK, I read your piece, and found it excellent (as always) and had three reactions to it:
1. I Googled “foot contouring” (of course I did) and while I was typing it in, it auto-completed to “foot contouring surgery” which I could not click upon because of the fragility of my hope for humanity.
2. I was reminded of a jeweler and his wife in Sausalito who Briana and Jack worked for back in the ’80s, who one Friday informed Briana that they were spending the weekend at a very expensive “retreat” where they were going to be taught how to breathe. Briana responded that she could teach them how to breathe for half the money in five minutes with a bucket of water. She told them that when she was finished, they would be good at it and also thankful for their skills.
3. Your meme about male enhancement reminded me of a friend named Raul who said that he was getting emails from penis-enhancement services and wondered: “How did they know?”
Hahaah…Raul is funny. 🙂
Yes, Briana’s method would work and it is cheaper. Plus, think how fun it would be to dump cold water over people. I would love that job.
Well, many of us women do love our shoes so I guess foot contouring wasn’t far behind! You do crack me up and for that I thank you. And, no wonder you found out about the foot thing first, your blog is named for shoes, right?
Yes! My favorite. I love flip flops. I prefer them not burned up, though.
So is wearing strappy sandals in the sun all day (without sunscreen – cuz who puts that on feet) also foot contouring ? How about the time i wore new navy socks & my shoes got drenched in the rain…and ya, parts of my feet were blue? That shit was all FREE, folks. I fkn live for the second after i flip my pillow – which happens frequently cuz i have insomnia. Im talking pillow rolodex every night.
pillow rolodex. HAHAHAHHAA
Foot contouring. Oh humans, please, please, please never change. There are witty, intelligent bloggers who I know will always be able to come up with things like “wound up tighter than a Rolex with two L’s” that will literally make me fall out of my chair laughing but it’s so much better when they have a target to work with. And as long as there are people out there thinking stuff like, “You know what feet need? *Contouring!* they will have a target.
Also in the winter a friend of mine would open a window and stuff his pillow against the screen about half an hour before he went to bed. He liked his cool side of the pillow REALLY cool. That’s a lifehack you can use. Or make fun of.
Hahahha..I actually find that brilliant…it’s just that they only stay cool for a few seconds. Not long enough to fall back to sleep.