This is what I’m going to start saying to myself when I start babbling. Stop being a drug store sign.
Let me explain.
Joey had four friends spend the night last night. They used the fire pit and didn’t burn the house down and the didn’t wake us up once. The kitchen and deck, however, are annihilated.
Last night, I told Joey that I would make breakfast for them. Randy and I have been up for a few hours already. I’m not even going to think about waking the boys for another hour.
My stomach wasn’t waiting until mid morning to eat, so we went out for a donut. Rather, I rode along in the car wearing shorts, a stained t-shirt, and no bra while Randy went in and fetched the donuts.
As I waited for Randy to return with my jelly filled donut, I read the sign in the drugstore parking lot across the street. I thought if I were actually responding to that sign as it changes messages, it would be like talking to a crazy person.
Drugstore sign: We’re open!
Me: Awesome. That will probably be convenient for many people.
Drugstore: We have ice!
Me: Okay. That reminds me. I need ice.
Drugstore: We have propane!
Me: I don’t need propane.
Drugstore: Happy 4th Of July!
Me: You too.
Drugstore: We have ice, buns and propane!
Me: Maybe you shouldn’t have the propane. I’m starting to get concerned about the propane.
Drugstore: We have whooping cough vaccines!
Me: Okay, then.
Drugstore: Support our troops!
Me: What? With the whooping cough vaccines?
Drugstore: PROPANE!
Me: Seriously. I’m calling the authorities.
Drugstore: We have GRAPES!
Me: I like grapes.
Drugstore: Check out our CRAFT BEER section!
Me: Well, now you’re just bragging. Let’s go back to the propane issue. You seem too excited about the propane.
Drugstore: PROPANE!
Me: I think you have anger issues or you are a pyromaniac. Either way….
Drugstore: HAVE A NICE DAY!
Me: DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!
Sadly, that conversation sounds like way too many of my real life conversations, only in those conversations, I’m the drugstore sign.
I would like to think by now, I’d be able to keep my nervous babbling to a minimum and sometimes I can. Mostly, I can’t.
So, I am sure in the near future, some lucky person will be the recipient of this sentence: Fucking hell, I’m totally being a drugstore sign right now.
Maybe I should rethink this.
Happy 4th of July!
PROPANE!
I now have Propane going round and round in my head to the soundtrack of ‘Cocaine’.
I blame you.
🙂
DAMMIT! Wellll….now I do, too.
You’re welcome, ha ha ha
Hope the donut didn’t spontaneously combust and the teens cleaned up after themselves.
…equally likely….
Hahahahha!
The donut was awesome and the teens…well…they did clean up a little and it was fun watching the five of them huddled around our tiny kitchen table talking about life and the world. I also learned that Joey’s friends are now comfortable enough to say ‘motherfucker’ in front of me. haha.
And all this time I thought it it was me that had those voices running around. I’ve tried telling them to shut up and leave me alone for awhile, but unlike the kids, they’re not afraid of me.
Yeah..those voices can be stubborn.
Im easily distracted
now Im thinking WAIT HOW DID YOU GET THE KIDS AFRAID OF YOU???
Mine? not so much 🙂
I think they just indulge me. haha.
I woke up with anxiety in high gear…this made me laugh.
Also, yes, I need propane!
Yay! I am so glad you laughed.
This made me laugh! Never thought about those signs that change, and now I want to find one to see what it says! And isn’t ‘propane’ a funny world in itself! Thanks for the earworm too KK 😉
This made me laugh! I never thought about those signs that change, now I want to find one and see what it says. Thanks for the earworm, too, KK 😉
Right? I STILL have Eric Clapton in my head
I like to share 🙂
I like to share 🙂
propane and propane accessories
Really…all your propane and propane adjacent needs.
In the late ’80’s we were staying in a building that was being redone near the corner of MLK Way and West MacArthur, sort of behind the MacArthur BART station. This was at the height of the crack epidemic, when the OPD temporarily stopped calling the neighborhood “the ho stro” and was calling it “crack-Arthur”. My friend Jack got ahold of one of those lighted, scrolling signs, and started programming it to say some of the most amusing things we could think up. As our space had once been a store front, it had perfect windows in which to display the sign. I don’t remember all of what it said, but I do remember it flashing “Jack’s charm and finishing school” over and over.
Hahaha…that is brilliant!
You need to find a way to connect each odd thought into one overall topic. I can get genealogy, cereal, masturbation, CBS, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer into one conversation that makes sense.
I can rarely connect thoughts.
Practice, it can be fun
Practice…yep.
Is it CVS? That just sounds like CVS to me.
Nope…a Walgreens. But I think they’re related.
Ahh, another thing we don’t get in Western Europe: those signs look so charming! (also: those signs that let you change the letters around)
I have to admit I’m a drugs store sign sometimes. I’ll add it to my list of issues I need to work on ;p
Come to think of it: we do get them on highways, but then they just say boring stuff about traffic conditions. 🙁
Hahah…yeah, we have those, too.
It might be easier if we just call it an adorable quirk?
Yeah, I think it’s time to like, go home and take a little rest. Because those signs have gotten to you! You don’t want the men in the white coats to come, do you? That’s what happened to me last time I talked to one of those signs…
I dunno…I’d get to sleep and people would bring me food.
About a year ago I put up a picture of a drugstore sign that said “COLD BEER!” My comment was, “Cures what ails ya.” Then a friend of mine said, “Cures what ALES ya,” and I said “GODDAMMIT I SHOULD HAVE COME UP WITH THAT.”
And now I have a co-worker who brought in Dove chocolates. The wrappers have little inspirational messages for you to read while you’re eating the chocolate. One said, “Inhale deeply.” I think they’re trying to kill me.
HAHAAH…that made me laugh…and after the goddamn day I had today, laughing is MUCH welcome.
I’m guilty of being a drug store sign, at least in my ADD addled head. My brain is constantly announcing unrelated things. It goes a little like this:
Breakfast! Shit, I forgot to change the laundry. It probably smells like mol-How does the dog shed this much? I should start making blankets. Crap. I took my last antidepressant yesterday and now I have to drive to Walgr-Why am I reading other blogs when I have my own post to work on? Cheesus, it’s hot. I should water the gard-what’s burning? Shit! Breakfast!
That sounds so familiar.
I love the sound of it…maybe there is a western songster somewhere that can work with it. In the meantime, I too will try not to be a drug store sign (whatever that is!).
Ohhhhh…a song…
Hilarious!
Thank you!!
Sounds exactly like my inner conversations… AND my sure-I’ll-ride-along-to-the-store outfit.
Hahaha…I think we were related in a previous life.
Earlier today my neighbour across the hall tapped on my door to mention ONE SMALL THING aaaannnddddd I became a drug store sign! She only got away by dashing inside while throwing apologies my way. As I shut my door, I actually said aloud, “Why did I say those things to her?” WTF! Is this part of mentalpause? M, you’re making me fear your future posts…
Don’t be afraid!!! Just go with it. What choice do we have? hahaha.
At first when I looked at the picture, I saw “WE HAVE ICE BUNS AND PROPANE”, and I thought to myself, maybe the propane will be used to thaw the ice buns. Because who wants icy buns, right?
Hahahah! So yeah…maybe there is a method to their madness.