I have talked about my dad so much on this blog that I got tired of it. I’m totally cool with that. When I started working through my discovery of the affects of parental narcissism, it was fucking always on my mind. So, I wrote about it. A lot.
One of Randy’s friends said something to him about my posts. Not in a mean way at all, perhaps slightly concerned. He said something to the effect that I was writing quite a bit about my father and narcissism. I mean, it was more of an observation than anything.
I have never even told Randy this, but I freaked out. I questioned everything about writing this blog. You are so goddamn self involved. Obsess much? You’ve made no progress at all. You are probably boring the shit out of people. And you’re a little pathetic. Cut it out.
I thought about it, though, and I considered how much better I dealt with life once I started working through my shit. I considered how much I was changing. Or not so much changing as coming back to who I am.
The point is, I have written a shit ton about my father and I don’t like him. I guess on one hand, I would say that my relationship with my father is complicated. But that isn’t true. Our relationship has always been very simple. He doesn’t care about me. I resent him. I’m sad that I don’t know what it’s like to have a father who loves me. (want to hear something funny. That last sentence? I ended it first with “them” instead of “me”. My brain constantly tries to protect me and dissociate. I’m convincing my brain to let it go a little. I can handle it.) I’m also at a place where I can table most of that shit. It is what it is.
My mother, on the other hand, I adore. She is kind, loving, and supportive. She also lacks self confidence. I come from a long line. My mom and I are different in many ways, but the ways we are the same are exactly the same all the way down to the nerve endings.
You know how mothers dispense advice? My mother mostly does not. But if she does, she follows it up with “Don’t listen to me. You know I don’t know what I’m talking about.” I love her like frozen crazy.
I also understand her. I mostly feel like I don’t know what I’m talking about.
Which is a weird segue into telling you guys about something I’m thinking about doing.
Facebook live. I’m not entirely sure how it works, but I know it’s a live streaming thingy. I’m thinking about giving it a shot.
Speaking of shots. My plan is to have 2 or 3 in rapid succession and then do my live video. Because what is funnier than a toasted middle aged woman slurring? I mean besides Chewbacca mom.
I’m going to need your help, though. I don’t know what the fuck to talk about, so I thought you guys could send me some questions. You can ask me anything you want and I will give you an answer. If it’s a bullshit question that I don’t want to answer, then you’ll get a bullshit answer.
I have no idea how this will turn out, but I won’t care when I make the video because I’ll have a buzz and that’s not so bad. At least until the next morning when I wake up and my first thought is “What the fuck were you thinking?” In all fairness, it won’t be the first time I’ve asked myself that question. Or the fiftieth.
This is still just a hazy idea, so I don’t know when it will actually happen. Give me something good to talk about. I will let you know when I’m ready to go.
I was on Your Tango last week and Better After 50. This was my first time on Your Tango, so that’s kind of cool.
Here are some memes I had on my Rubber Shoes In Hell Facebook page.
I think you’re very brave… I come from the same family culture except add in multi generational addiction. I appreciate badass women who tell it like it is and then don’t apologize after they’ve said it. Rock on sistah!
Thank you so much! xo
*hugs Michelle*
Silly head talk.
That’s all it is. Thanks, Daddy.
Your ideas are brilliant! I’m just here for a second cuz I’m late for work AND pissed at my boss AND trying to keep three of the voices placated by promising them a good blood shedding later.
So… ‘How do you change your thought patterns from Murder to Meh?’
😉
More important: Where does Hubby hide the bullets?
Hahahah..love the questions!
Michelle – if you talk the way you write (and I suspect you do!) a live chat would be fun. 🙂 I think people really connect with you and want to know more about you! Why not take us on a walk of your neighbourhood? Or to your favourite place?
looking forward to it 🙂
‘Favorite’ Button
😉
Thank you so much! I don’t know how much walking I’ll do. I mean, I’m clumsy when I don’t have two shots of tequila in me. My gracefulness does not improve with the application of alcohol.
How bullshitty can we go with questions? I love bullshit answers from an artistic bullshitter.
They can be as bullshitty as you want.
Ok, so I’m recently separated from my narcissist husband. Still on the very edge of processing the last 25 years of dysfunction. We have 2 kids, age 21 and 19. My therapist asked me the other day, “How is your husbands relationship with the kids?” This really made me think. He does love them and they know this, but does he relate to them in any substantial way? Not sure. Anyway, this long intro brings me to my question. You said your mother lacked (lacks) self-confidence (that’s me!), and how you saw that growing up. Now as a mother, how are you different in dealing with your kids? I want to have a healthy relationship with my kids as they become adults, and hopefully steer them away from some of the mistakes I’ve made. So, thoughts?
I have no clue what you should talk about on FB – I have zero imagination when it comes to that sort of thing. But if your other stuff is any indication, it will be good. Of that I feel certain.
I like what Sarah said about badass women telling it like it is and not apologizing afterwards. So true. A challenge even with a gentle audience. You are indeed brave.
Congratulations on surviving your narcissist. Some don’t.
When you’re ready to facebook live, make sure I know. I’ll be there! You won’t have to do anything except talk and be yourself, and people will LOVE it.
I’m waaaay too chicken to try facebook live. Even on shots of tequila.
Unless music was involved, very loud music, and I was playing all the air-instruments to it.
I didn’t like my Mother and don’t like my sister. Both’d rip me off the minute my back was turned. Fuck ’em. Took a lot of therapy to get those two out of my life and I don’t miss them. Like you’ve said, sometimes no contact is the answer. It is.
I need to quit bringing these two up. 😀
how about your Dad top 10 things he does that annoys the crap out of you but does not have anything to do with you 🙂 basically just make fun of the jerk
Or you can talk about bananas
So, my mom and my dad are both narcissistic fuck nuggets. I have a theory. People with bad parents get our grief and suffering while they are alive, and we need to talk about it.
People with good parents get their grief when their parents die, and they need to talk about it. No one thinks they are self involved when they wail and grieve and endlessly tell stories about their dear departed wonderful parent. We sit and listen, and pat their hand, and give them kleenex. For years.
But us? In that first catagory? We are served a big dish of shut the fuck up you make me unvomfortable. No one wants to think about little kids getting hurt. Especially by people they know. So they would prefer we could just keep it to therapy.
But throwing yourself on your wonderful mothers coffin? Completely admired.
Also, don’t take the shots before the Facebook thing. If you do good and you’re loaded, you won’t give yourself credit. If you do bad, you’ll blame yourself anyway. Drunk people aren’t funny. Real people are.
I’m going through the process of dating after divorce, my last kid moving out with the exception of having my adult autistic kid live with me for the rest of my life. How do you handle the new world of the second time around in your mid-fifties? I’m sure I’m not the only one except maybe for the autistic kid part.
Ohh, I want to see you on FB live!
I have learned a lot about narcissistic personality disorder through reading your posts. I’m not tired of reading about it at all.
Your comment about your mom reminds me of my son. Every time he voices an opinion, he finishes the sentence with “or something, I don’t know.” I’d like to break him of this habit without being critical, and I’m not sure how to do this.
Wow…I have been reading your posts for few months now. Interesting Michelle how I can relate to what you write about narcissism and the feelings you express about your father. Mine past away last year and it really feels like he is still around manipulating me with his verbal abusive paranoia. I could write for days non stop about it…You are an inspiration and I don’t feel alone anymore and disconnected as much. Thanks to you and everyone else’s comments. I will keep reading your posts.
I’ve only read a few of your posts, so I don’t know you well enough to ask questions or give an opinion. But I know about narcissistic parents—only mine was my mother. Sometimes you have to write it out a thousand times over, write it out, speak it, think it, just work it out in your mind to process all the fucked up things that you didn’t really understand growing up but that you see as an adult were just WRONG and not the way a parent is meant to treat a child. So write it as many times as you need to, and fuck anyone who tells you you do it too much.
Hi Michelle. I’m not tired of you writing about your dad. It’s obviously important to you, and I care about that. If there was an elephant standing on your foot, you’d want to say something about that (although I don’t know how you could go about writing about it). That was silly.
Have you heard the new Peter Gabriel song about Muhammad Ali? It’s on YouTube and it’s called “I’m Amazing.”
As far as the Facebook Live thing goes, I hope you don’t have to be on Facebook to see it, because I’m not. You probably don’t; I’ve watched videos there before without an account. My question is where did you hide the squirrels?
How about your favourite clothes? Besides the monkeypants
Michelle, you’ve stirred up your gang with your FB live thoughts. I think it’s a great idea, I might just go back on FB for it.
I love your writing about your dad. I’m still not sure about mine. When I was a kid I was his wingman when he went picking up women while my mother sat at home with my younger brother. Does that sound like one?
So please,please write about everything that you like and comes to your mind. And talk about it too. It would be freaking awesome.
Fact: I have never not loved anything you’ve written about, including the narcissist posts.
Question for your live stream: When did thongs become flip-flops and g-strings become thongs? It took my brain years to reprogram that shit.
I have no idea what Facebook Live is or how it works–in other words I have no idea what I’m talking about–but you have to do this. You are a survivor of narcissism. And more than just surviving you’ve succeeded, even if you don’t see yourself as a success.
There are people who will benefit from you sharing your story not just through blog posts but as yourself, live, responding to questions. Maybe slightly drunk, but, hey, if that helps you get through it…
Because I think this will help you too. It will help you to know there are people who like you and who care about what you have to say.
And I got nothin’ as far as questions but maybe I’ll come up with something.
I would not called you self-involved, but the blogging world is a great place for the self-involved.
In fact, internet culture in general is.
This is the age of Kanye West,
Come to think of it, you might not be self-involved enough to really make it. I don’t know anything about the live streaming thing but I will watch you when you broadcast while drunk.
it’s your blog. write what you want. clearly your readers appreciate it
I had a realization this morning on a related note.
You are not here for the people who don’t get it. You are here for the people who do.
And there will always be people who don’t get it. Some of them will shrug, others will be hateful, but regardless… you’re not here for them.
For so long, the mindset for creatives has been about reaching the largest audience possible, making it big, getting famous, making tons of money, being a success on those terms. As my business gets bigger and my husband and I turn down opportunities that would reach larger audiences and get us more money, I know more than ever that I’m not about reaching the largest audience.
I’m about reaching the right audience.
My mother is NPD. You’ve helped me a great deal. I’m your audience, and I’m who you’re here for. Me and all the others who get it.
When people shrug, or are hateful, just don’t respond. You don’t need them to get you, or to love you. Wish them well in finding the Creative that does the thing they need. It’s not you, and that’s okay. 😉
Lani,
“You are not here for the people who don’t get it. You are here for the people who do.”
This is what I need to learn.
Thank you.
Fiona
As someone who has not been on Facebook since December (and not unhappy about it, as I first thought I’d be), I would consider returning to see you, LIVE, no holds barred! I don’t have any questions though, at least, not yet.
Am I the ONLY one here who, upon first seeing the title to the above post, thought you were quoting Donald Trump? I was expecting this to be a post on Brexit and the narcissist with the golf course in Scotland! My apologies to Scotland, by the way. We didn’t deliberately send him over to you! Honest! (Even if it does get him out of here for a while.) 🙂
If you get back on FaceBook you have to Friend me!!!! It’s IMPOSSIBLE to stalk you.
*wiggles eyebrows*
😉
That’s ok, we got lots of mariachi bands and Mexican flags out of it. And he’s now known as Trumpy McTrumpface. He and BoJo will make a fine pair as we all hurtle to hell in a flaming handcart.
*Favorite Button*
😀
Trumpy McTrumpface sounds WAY too cute for the likes of him! Over here, those with rational minds call him, “Asshole”. It doesn’t have quite the same ring to it, does it? HAHA!!
Don’t worry about the facebook live thingy, they are always off the cuff and go in fits and starts. Your readers will love you no matter what. I guess the hardest thing is you reading the comments and trying to talk at the same time, so I suggest a partner to refer you to interesting comments that you may want to engage with. I don’t know what I’m talking about, however, so you may want to discount this completely. Love you!
HAHAHA…yeah, I’m already having all kinds of second thoughts..but I committed, so I’m going to do it.
I think you answered it above: the shots will be tequila? Which brand?
It depends what we have on hand. Randy has been partial to Hornitos black label lately.
Hmmm… gotta try it.
Doesn’t matter to me what you talk about, I’ll be listening! I relate to your topics, humor, age, love of drinking AND cursing! So, keep me posted!
XOXOX okay, I will!
You are extremely brave – I would never do a Vlog (isn’t that what they are called?), let alone a live feed on Facebook. Anything could happen – I could get hiccups. I could fart. I could suddenly forget my words (it happens more and more often these days). However, I’m excited that YOU are going to do it. I loved watching your Listen to Your Mother and your comedy bit from the Erma Bombeck thing – so this should be even better (because…live…and anything can happen!).
Thank you. I haven’t done it yet..I’m thinking about Friday. I haven’t decided yet, though.