Same As It Ever Was

I can’t stop being sick, y’all.

Again, I am writing a post because the last thing I want to do is write. I don’t feel it. Not even a little bit. That scares me so bad. I hate it when everything feels pointless. I need some happy.

Yesterday, I started my fifth round of antibiotics since the first of the year. They made me splotchy and my eyes swelled up. The doc immediately took me off of them and told me to take Benedryl. He prescribed yet another antibiotic. We’ll see if this one makes me sprout wings.

I slept all afternoon and now I’m in that hazy uncomfortable place where my head is fuzzy and my stomach is wonky and I’m not hungry, but I want all the cake. And maybe some applesauce. I also dreamed about King Joffrey this afternoon. It doesn’t matter where that kid is, he’s just always a dick. I wonder if the actor that plays Joffrey catches a lot of shit from people?

I only want applesauce because I know we don’t have any.

I can’t play another game of solitaire and TV is so fucking boring. I’m supposed to rest and drink a lot of fluids but you guys, I am so tired of resting. I’m tired of this bed. I’m tired of my bedroom. I’m tired of taking it easy. I’m tired of feeling like shit.

As I type this, it feels like a little nose elf is up my left nostril and poking around with a little itchy sword. It’s been like this since Sunday night. I have a steady stream of eye leakage so it looks like I’m constantly crying. In truth, sometimes I am.

I went to work this morning before discovering I looked like a pink and white giraffe and had a number of people tell me how very terrible I look.

Little advice….when someone feels like hammered shit, the last thing they want to be told is they look like hammered shit…so don’t tell them how bad they look. 

It’s possible I’ve been guilty of doing the same. I am really going to try to remember my own advice for the future.

I’m trying to focus on the positive. I had a lovely time this past weekend with my mother and my sisters. Baby sister made some pictures for me for my birthday and I LOVE them.

pics

I had a few people point out that Vamos should be Vamonos, but it really shouldn’t. We took this from the song Straight To Hell and Joe Strummer says vamos, vamos muchacho in it. He also does this panting thing that makes me stop and sigh.

I guess I need to pay attention  to the other picture as well. We can do hard things. Even be sick for a few months. I will kick this in the ass.

Just not today.

21 Thoughts.

  1. ..and you will kick this in the butt. I finally did and you know how long that took. I’d actually forgotten what it felt like to be well, but I’m fine now…well apart from the ongoing stuff but I have to learn to live with that. It’s been a truly crappy season for bugs and viruses. On the bright side we should now be immune to everything including the bubonic plague, so let’s look forward to at least ten years of being lergy free…
    🙂

    • Believe it or not, I’ve kept you in my mind. I know you went through the same thing. Did you ever start worrying that there was something REALLY wrong with you? Or is that just my hypochondria?

      And yes…we should get to live forever now. 🙂

      • Oh yes, at my lowest point, before the Doc put me on anti-biotics and codeine I actually thought it was going to kill me, I was so ill and I’ve kept wondering if there was something more to it, but then I heard other people were being wiped out for weeks by it and realised it was just a really vicious virus this season. When you are continually ill for so long it lays you really low and for me, being alone really didn’t help. The problem is that when you’re anxious and depressed your immune system is compromised, so you pick up everything that is going around. It’s a vicious circle; I’ve had a niggly cough ever since, that just won’t go away. I’m hoping once spring comes I’ll be free of all these lergies. The damage the bronchitis has done to my healing muscles though…that seems not to have improved at all. Deep joy!
        Hope you’re back to full strength very soon!

  2. That sucks!

    And, I love the “We can do hard things” picture, but I’d add at the bottom, “without suffering.” 🙂

    So back when I was really sick with Lyme disease (2009-2010) I went to see a naturopath who recommended Sun Warrior brand “Silver Immune Shield” and Priority One brand Bio Vegetarian (google them)…both to keep my immune system boosted and robust. Since then, I have rarely been sick…and if I do get sick, I get whatever it is at like 25% or less so it’s not bad at all. I don’t take them all the time, but definitely in the winter or if I am feeling a little punky…or have been exposed to someone who’s been sick.

    Also? Sleep. Sleep really helps.

  3. You poor thing! You really have been sick for a long time. Do they think it’s different viruses that you keep catching or one that you can’t shake?

    • He didn’t say, but really..he’s not a great doctor. He’s a talking prescription pad. I might go to a ears nose and throat specialist if this doesn’t clear up this time.

  4. I’m trying to heal. Let myself go and some of me just went in it’s own way. Let this be the year of healing. Maybe it’ll stick.

  5. Sorry this is still bothering you. The bugs are bad this year; I almost never get sick (+/- once every other year) and I got it this weekend. So did almost everyone I know. Ugh. Anyway, if your doctor isn’t doing it for you, and you have the actual option to see a different one, even though it means letting someone else you don’t know way into your personal space, I recommend it anyway. Very good doctors can do miraculous things, mediocre doctors are kind of hit-or-miss and very bad doctors can actually kill you. So you might want to snoop around for a good one, if you can.
    As for cheering you up, it’s already dark out here, so it’s too late today, but remember the hummingbirds I told you about? They got set free Sunday in the garden where they were born, and there’s a link to the video of it (that you could see even tonight, come to think of it), AND there is a new hummingbird building a nest in the rose bush on the web cam. They are calling her Phoebe Renata, and the total views count at the bottom of the page is now 19,034,472. Phoebe always helps to cheer me up, anyway.
    http://phoebeallens.com/

    • OOOOHHHHHH…the hummingbird!! I forgot about that. I will definitely check in tomorrow while I’m at working trying to ignore well meaning people tell me how horrible I look…

  6. I hope you feel better soon.

    I lost February to the flu. For the first week I couldn’t eat and for the second week, the only things that tasted right were ginger ale, chicken broth, and cinnamon buns.

    All I can say is that you’ll get better and all this sickness will just be a gross memory.

    The fact that you’re blogging while you feel like this is admirable. I don’t think I’ve blogged yet this year–even when I wasn’t sick. So really, you’re kinda amazing!

    Hang in there.

  7. Being sick totally blows. Your post made me want cake. We don’t have any…so that blows in a completely different way. You did say the word “cake” up there right? I didn’t imagine it? I’m thinking maybe chocolate cake with a buttercream frosting.

    I hope I get some cake soon. But I sincerely hope you are feeling better soon.

    • I DID say cake. And my work friend…bless her down to her feet…is bringing me a cupcake today. That will make it easier to get through my day.

  8. Ah, Michelle — I feel your pain! I went through a bout that started off innocently enough as a sinus infection type thing, then had an allergic reaction (they think) to the antibiotics, which did not get better when I came OFF the antibiotics (I had hives on my hives and looked, oh so beautiful). They discussed shingles, MRSA, more allergic reactions — and finally put me on drugs for all three since no doctor could come to a consensus. I was taking a heavy duty antibiotic, steroids, and anti-virals — and still looked and felt like crap. Then they decided I should see a dermatologist — who was happy to fit me in — three months down the road. Meanwhile, my original sinus infection came back with a vengeance. I think half the time doctors are just giving it their best guess and hoping they don’t kill you.

    I think going to see an ENT is be a good choice — if you think your doctor is a quack, never hesitate to get a second opinion!

    • Thanks, I see to be the right color now. I only took two doses and I seem to be tolerating the new one much better. I still have the itchy nose and I feel like hell, but I’ll be going to work this morning.

      And yes, if this one clears up then comes back, I’m going to a different doctor.

  9. So sorry to hear you are still sick. That totally sucks. I am a big, ol’ baby when it comes to being sick. I don’t get sick often, but when I do I have ALL of a 24-hour bug in a 12-hour time frame. Here’s hoping you kick this soon!

    • Thank you! I made an appointment with an ears nose and throat specialist for Friday. Maybe they can get to the bottom of this. 🙂

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