When I say “everybody” I mean all the different little anxieties fighting for attention.
I would love to say this isn’t a common occurrence, but has been life for a while. I mean, it is better. Once I got past some physical shit, my anxiety got way better. It had to get better. You just can’t stay in crisis mode forever. It is exhausting and then becomes super annoying. I was sick of myself, I can’t imagine I’ve been easy for the people around me. Not always at least.
Even though it is better doesn’t mean it is great. When I stopped taking a medication that cleared up an issue I’ve had for going on two years, my body didn’t just snap back in place like a rubber band. It was pretty quick though. I felt some relief within 48 hours and it got better from there within a few days.
My brain? I think that elastic is way more worn out because it is taking it’s own sweet time coming back.
I had a new anxiety join this morning and y’all it was fucking weird.
When I have to concentrate at work, I listen to music. I have specific playlists for specific tasks. First thing in the morning I listen to my “get this shit started” song.
So, I am listening to my morning playlist and wake up my monitors.
I heard that you were talking shit
I have 3 monitors. I am not sure what size they are. They’re not tiny and I’m not measuring. I woke my monitors and the picture I was faced with instantly made my stomach hurt.
The picture was terrifying. But it wasn’t. Not really. It just looked a lot like my anxiety dreams except presented in a manner my brain hadn’t thought of.
So it’s not just gonna happen like that
Sometimes I have nightmares that involve immersing or being covered in green murky water. There are a number of themes I can count on but nothing like that fucking picture. I don’t want that one making an appearance.
I texted Randy and he said to just change the picture.
But no, I’m not doing that. It is a stupid picture that is actually kind of pretty. I totally accept that anxiety is a buddy that probably will be by my side until I shuffle off. Sometimes you have to put your foot down and push back a little.
A few times I’ve been around that track
I got involved in a few things and switched over to the monitor on my left and that fucking picture startled me.
That shit is
I’m not giving up yet. I’m prepared. The weird ass swirling well picture doesn’t get to win. Also, if I am being honest here, I don’t really know how to change that picture. I have worked in IT for over three decades, but if I get outside my old ass server and black screen with green letters, then I am like a child.
I could probably figure it out, but I avoid learning anything new in my field. If I don’t know something, then I can’t help users with it. I already have enough crammed in my brain.
Also, trying to figure this shit out stresses me out and makes me feel dumb. I’ve already seen the well to hell picture. It isn’t going anywhere.
Bananas.
First, I loved your standup set and I’m so glad it’s something you’re focused on to at least take your mind off medications and other shit for at least a while. I hope that’s still on track to be a regular thing. I meant to say so earlier but, well, sometimes lack of focus is my problem.
And where did that picture come from? Was this the result of an unannounced upgrade? That’s the first thing that comes to my mind because it seems like my workplace programs can’t go more than three months without a complete redesign. I had to contact the company when I was having trouble with the latest version and the person I was talking to said, “I wish I could help you but this is new to me too and none of us were given any training before it was released.”
This is why I’m nice to IT people. We’re all just trying to get by.
My old computer had a picture of the Earth from space as it’s wallpaper. I have a program called IrfanView that deals with images and sets wallpapers if you ask it to. I put a picture of The Joy Formidable onstage as the wallpaper to this computer, but when this machine got so slow as to be unusable, I bribed my computer wizard friend with a home cooked cheeseburger and he fixed it, and one of the things he did was to remove the wallpaper, so now I don’t have one.
Briana’s new computer has a set of pictures that change up each time you turn it on, but whoever had the machine before her set it up and I don’t think either of us knows how to change it. The pictures are nice enough, I guess, so why bother?
Bananas are good and I eat one each morning.
Hope things are going at least as well as can be expected under the circumstances for you and yours.
That picture was weird but you know that.
I tried to read this without success concentrating is hard