Firmly Entrenched In My Fifties

Posted on by under Humor

I am 52 years old today.

I have no idea how this happened.  I don’t feel 52. I don’t act it, either. Well..unless it works to my advantage. That’s a perk of getting older. We get to do that.

I’m not an old woman quite yet, but I can see her way out on the horizon. She looks like she’s having a good time. At least I hope she is.

Old women wear red or purple and speak their mind. I already lean toward the ‘speak the truth’ angle. I can’t imagine what speaking the truth will be like when I’m very old.

For years, I’ve said I wouldn’t grow old gracefully. I promised I would dye my hair black and wear frosted lipstick. I’d wear my skirts short never give up my platform sneaks. Well, maybe the platform sneaks. Sooner or later, I have to consider the possibility of hip breakage.

I swore that I would go to my grave without having a gray head of hair.

When I turned 50 two years ago, the most amazing things happened. I started speaking my thoughts more freely. I didn’t learn how to say no. I just started saying no and this hasn’t been an issue.

I stopped dying my hair. After decades of being convinced that I never wanted to look gray and  old, I got bored with dying my hair. One day, after checking my roots, and counting back to try and remember if it had been 6 weeks since the last touch up, I made a decision. I’d go gray. I made a simple decision and changed my mind without ever really considering what people would think.

I don’t regret the decision. I haven’t colored my hair in a year and a half. I haven’t even trimmed my hair for a year. I don’t have salt and pepper roots anymore. The roots look more like salt and pepper ‘half head’ and the lower half is still my fake shade of brown. Only faded. The bottom half of my hair looks like it was left out in the sun too long.

I still dig my hair though. I have a funky gray streak down the front and some places where The length of my hair is gray. I even like the white around the temples.

There isn’t much I don’t like about getting older. I mean, there might be a few things, but mostly, growing older has been fun.

Why do my nipples itch all the time, though? It’s a burning, horrible itch. It’s like I have athlete’s foot on my nipples.

I love the freedom of this exact age. I’m still young enough that being old is still more just a concept. I’m not fucking old. I’m just not a baby anymore. However, I am eligible for AARP. I can get senior discounts, you guys. What this means is, I am far from ready to settle into a recliner and watch game shows in the evenings. However, I can use my age for an excuse to get out of things all I want! And it’s completely legit! I’m thinking this is a short lived phase. I’m hoping I have at least 5 more years before watching game shows from a recliner starts looks like an attractive activity.

Okay, I said I liked my gray hair and I mean what I said. I do. But that does not mean that I like gray eyebrow hairs that look like they fell off a faded Brillo pad. Also, I don’t like that I can’t pluck my eyebrows as easily as I used to when I could still see. I learned the hard way that a bald spot in the middle of my eyebrow is worse than a wiry gray eyebrow.

I believed for many years that when I got old, I’d be better at certain things. After all, old people are wise, organized, and know how to can vegetables. I’m old enough now to know that’s bullshit. Habits don’t change just because you’re old. I’m good with this knowledge. I’m glad to know that I’ll go into my golden years without caring about the state of my baseboards. I’ve made my peace with the fact that I have never and probably will never correctly operate a purse.

Various spawn: Mom, do you have a tissue/piece of gum/bandaid?

Me: I have 27 wadded up grocery store receipts, a butt load of pennies, a Chinese finger trap, two tubes of chapstick with missing lids, an empty gum wrapper, and a little plastic baby from a shower I went to months ago. Can you blow your nose on this receipt?

My taste in music has developed and expanded over the years, but I still mostly just like loud music. I’ve never grown even a little tired of listening to The Clash, Elvis Costello,The Ramones, or Rancid. When I’m 80, I will queue up London Calling and tell my grandkids that, if I could go back in time, I’d use my power to stalk Joe Strummer.

When do I get to listen to music the way I want to? When I was little, every once in a while, I’d get to listen to the local AM rock station. I had to keep the volume down or I’d see one or both of parent’s head spinning around. My parents were in their early 30s and had already given up on loud music. They always had the dial tuned to the easy listening station. WWEZ. Sad, really. Then my kids came along and now I hear ‘Mom, turn that DOWN. Are you deaf”?

Have I changed at all? Of course. My knees hurt and I have to keep down my caffeine intake. I’ve learned that the saying ‘choose your battles wisely’ should be heeded because battles are just not fun. I’ve learned that I get to decide what is age appropriate for me. I’ve learned that we have a finite number of days on this earth and try to keep that in mind when deciding what is important to me.

Randy and I are not growing old with dignity. We are loud, messy, make mistakes, and both walk around a little confused as to how many years could have passed by.

I like who we are. I like who I am. I am not sure if I’m getting old the way I’m supposed to or not. I do know that I’ve made my decision, though. No way am I acting my age. Have you met people my age? They’re boring.

 

97 Thoughts.

  3. Hey I am 62 and younger than you! And pretty soon you will be too. I wear red and purple but mostly black and I am holding AARP at bay. Rock on.

    Reply

  5. Hi Michelle – a lovely American friend of mine recently introduced me to your blog. I LOVE IT!!!! I’m also 52 and can totally relate to everything you say. Although I must admit, I’m still dying my hair (or “colouring” as we now call it….) Keep up the great work xxx

    Reply

  7. OK so I’m reading this from a somewhat skewed perspective. Kind of horizontal, kind of knee elevated with no-longer-cold icepack. (Laptop now serving as a warm pack, bonus!) Kind of happy the next percocet is right around the corner. YES, it’s me, your new FanFriend who found you last week when I was in-patient getting my first 56 year old knee replaced. Phew, now that I don’t have to introduce myself every time, here’s what made me actually chuckle, audibly (aca?) and thank you:

    “I’ve made my peace with the fact that I have never and probably will never correctly operate a purse…. a Chinese finger trap… and a little plastic baby from a shower I went to months ago. … Can you blow your nose on this receipt?”

    Haha YES! I mean no. But I do have an enpty straw wrapper if you need to floss.

    xox

    Reply

  8. Happy Birthday, Michelle!! If you haven’t seen the documentary “fabulous fashionistas” I highly recommend it. The title is a bit misleading: less about fashion and more about very independent, colorful women who live life on their own terms. You’d get a kick out of it. Try YouTube or here:

    http://idiosyncraticfashionistas.blogspot.com/2013/11/fabulous-fashionistas_24.html?m=1

    I’m 32 and my hair is turning completely white. Even the eyebrows. I decided this might be cool if I wear mumus with platforms in 20 yrs and lots of jangly jewelry. Maybe add a purple/blue streak. Southwest meets punk 😉

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  9. Happy birthday. I’m 58 and will be 59 this year. My Dad died when he was 58, May 3rd. I just want to make it longer than that though thinking about it; I want to live as long as my Mom did. She hit 99. Yep, 99 is better. She said all of her friends had died. That likely means that all of her enemies did too. I have a few of those.

    Screw it.

    I’m Debbie Downer in mens clothes. Well fuck me!

    Happy damn birthday anyway. We need more like you hanging around for a long, long time. May I still be bugging you at 99.

    Reply

  11. Happy birthday! And gray hair is cool. Think of Judi Dench or Helen Mirren (who is sometimes blonde but mostly gray these days). And we men can get away with it. When I lost all my hair during chemo I was told it might come back gray and curly, and I said “Cool!” But really if men can rock gray hair so can women. How do we get away with it? We don’t give a shit. It sounds like that’s the attitude you’ve adopted, or that you’re at least working toward. The beauty of getting older is you don’t just learn to say “no”. When it comes to people criticizing petty, superficial things like appearance you learn to say, “Fuck off”, and that’s the secret of beauty.

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  12. Happiest of birthdays, lovely lady! My Drummer Boy will turn 52 later this year, but in my mind (and, um, other regions) he’s eternally 24. Also, my dad is 70 and listens to Metallica. I think we only age as much as we want to. Rock on, girl!

    Reply

  13. Rock on sister across the pond, there need to be more of us that refuse to go out with a whimper. Happy Birthday and many more of them!
    When my hair doesn’t like being dyed this bizarre shade of red/brown any more, (it seems to go that shade regardless of what colour it’s supposed to be), I’m breaking out the purple, electric blue and fluorescent pink. That can only work when your hair is blonde or grey and I’ve always wanted to do that.

    I look at the clothes for older women in the shops and they look just like the ones my grandmother used to wear. Does getting old mean we all suddenly have to start loving polyester and ghastly patterns and listening to muzak?

    No thanks, I’ll be wearing skulls, black and purple till the day I scuttle off this mortal coil and they can bury me in them too, to the sounds of The Cramps, AC DC or something similar.

    Reply

  16. Hello there, Rockin’ Michelle! I am another first-timer on here! I was introduced to your blog by one of my fabulous 50-something friends—I am 56—and am forever grateful to her. Your blog makes me smile, laugh and nod, recognizing myself in so much of what you write. I went through a very rough time in my 40s due to perimenopause and everyone kept telling me to wait until I hit menopause and I’d get a renewed burst of energy. Well, I finally reached that point around 54 and suddenly started having one joint after another begin aching. Turns out, I have an auto-immune situation, but now, two years later, I am feeling much better and I have learned so many things about myself in that process. You’ve hit the proverbial nail on the head with many of your observations and comments regarding getting older. I finally began simply being myself—screw anyone who doesn’t like it—and I have drawn so many friends to me, both old and new, of all ages, who are now my “tribe”. They “get” me. And it IS so freeing. My point of view is that Nature had to break me down to force me out of old patterns that no longer served me well. I have come out the other side with a renewed energy and much more positive outlook! And the gray hair? I share your hair story! I just grew tired of having to touch up the roots only 2 weeks after I colored it, so mine is now streaked with Christmas tree tinsel and the bottom portion is faded auburn. I like to think of it as the new “ombre”! Haha! Happy birthday and I look forward to sharing your journey!

    Reply

  20. Happy Birthday, Michelle!! Wow, what a great post on NOT getting old. I’m with ya on all of these points. I noticed I have some grey (silver?) strands in my hair and I actually smiled. It felt good! They’re more noticeable suddenly like I’ve joined a club. I’ve been initiated into the Woman of Substance Club! I’ve gotten some shit done. I’ve kicked some ass and I’m still kicking ass…I’ve got the hair to prove it. Fuck ya. 50’s Rock. Have a super fun, messy, mistake filled day…no, year!

    Reply

  21. I expected the loss of hair as I grew older, but where the hell did my eyelashes go?

    Have a fun filled non-age specific birthday that will knock your socks off (if you’re wearing any)!

    Reply

  22. My odometer clicked over to 60 last year. Age is a state of mind and my generation is vastly different than my parents. If I become immobile and need a wheelchair, I’m pimping it out and wearing a Led Zepplin t-shirt….then again, I may go commando.

    Reply

  23. yes! I am 59 and fully embracing it all – actually looking forward to saying ‘This! This is what 60 looks like….”
    And I still feel 19 on the inside, and I don’t think that will ever change

    Oh, yeah, and the purse thing, and the baseboard thing – totally me too!

    Reply

  26. Happy Birthday!! My 82 year old aunt told me she doesn’t feel old–except for when she looks in the mirror. As I age, mirrors be going, gone. Oh, tis true, coconut oil on the nips gets rid of the itch. Have a great birthday!

    Reply

  27. I’ve always thought that whole “act your age” thing was just some judgmental ass hole’s version of what your specific age is supposed to act like. WHO, pray tell, is the expert on what ANY age is supposed to act like?

    Reply

  28. Happy Birthday! I used to see “old” people in their polyester clothes that didn’t match, driving 15 mph under the speed limit and wonder if that was going to happen to me. Then I turned 60 and realized those people probably had horrible taste in clothes and driving habits all along. I am happy with the gray streaks in my hair, wear jeans and sneakers everywhere, drive like I’m escaping zombies, and got my first tattoo last year.
    Old age is whatever you want to make of it.

    Reply

  29. Happy birthday Michelle! I’m 54, and the way I see it, growing older beats the hell out of the alternative…
    Yesterday Briana showed me a hilarious video of Henry Rollins describing his rivalry with Iggy Pop, who he is majorly jealous of because he is over 50 and still manages to rock harder than him.

    Reply

  31. Nipples and ARMPITS! What the hell?????? It’s like a massive yeast infection of the nips and pits. When you figure it out, be sure to post the solution. There are just some areas that are awkward to scratch in the middle of the grocery store. Not that I don’t, but still . . .

    Reply

  33. I’m 47 (I think, let me count, yes 47, but not for long). The only difference I’ve noticed is I used to have tampons in every bag and drawer and pocket and now it’s glasses cleaners everywhere. How the fuck to they get smudged just sitting on my face? Otherwise my guns (um biceps, I’m a pacifist) are still awesome and my husband still drools, grey hair an’ all.

    Reply

  34. It’s funny how many receipts we can hold in our purse, I even got a smaller one thinking
    I would hold less of them. But alas my wallet is pack with them! I will be turning 58 in April and I still rock my Levis and boots. I have an MP3 player in my car so I listen to 70’s rock and old school R and B. LOUD the way your suppose. I will never wear the two sisters, Polly and Esther!

    Reply

  35. One of my most exciting moments was realizing that, since I was over 50, I qualified for senior specials at our local casino. Nothing like a half-price buffet to make a dreary day more exciting. And I’m still young enough to elbow ancient ones aside on my way to get more of those crab legs! Happy birthday, you lunatic (and I say that only in the most respectful and loving way!)

    Reply

  36. Hey, happy birthday! I hear you on the whole growing old thing. I decided to stop talking about my age last year, and I haven’t regretted it so far. Age is basically a boring topic–and it’s not like we can claim credit, or accept blame for it. So screw age.

    Reply

  37. I am also 52 and I don’t feel it or act it most of the time, I have become more confident in myself as I have aged but that is a good thing, I don’t think of 52 as being old in any fashion, old to me is someone in their late 70’s or 80’s but then my mum is 75 and I do not see her as old either

    Reply

  39. There is so much about this that I just GET! I don’t feel my age (on the inside) and am getting to that place where I’m realizing that a clean house shouldn’t be at he top of my priority list. I’m a work in progress! I will still color my hair though. I’m not quite ready to give that up. Maybe when I hit 50!

    Happy birthday, my friend! I think you’re fabulous!

    Reply

  40. Happy Birthday, Michelle! I turned 52 almost 10 years ago. I think a sense of humor is your best weapon against being an old lady. So, you’re good. 🙂

    I stopped coloring my hair when the maintenance became all-consuming, both time and money-wise. I love the white-silver around my face, and the rest is salt and pepper, mostly salty now. I can’t wait until it’s completely silver. See, silver sounds so much better than gray. I was never happy with longer hair, or a chin-length bob, still too much work for me. I’m a wash and go kind of girl. So, I have it cut in a short pixie, and I love it. It’s soooooo easy. I just put some cream gel in it after I wash it, and run my fingers through it get it in place, and bam, it’s done. The only trick is getting someone who understands short “gray” hair. It has its quirks.

    It’s great that your rocking years are gonna be your rock on years! Keep that attitude and you’ll die a happy woman…a long, long time from now. 🙂

    Reply

    • My hair is longish..my sister taught me a trick. I wrap it up in a headband at night, in the morning, I pull the headband off and I have curls. It’s simple and I love it. My curls are shot through with gray now and I really like it.

      Thank you so much!

      Reply

  42. I love when people talking about their age in this way. It used to give me false hope that I would one day be wise, or maybe more interesting but your line about people not changing just because they’re getting older is making me rethink that. We’ve been boring for a long time but each year we get more OKAY with it.
    I haven’t been dying my gray either, just can’t keep up. I’ll bet your long gray streak looks awesome. And the AARP stuff? Sounds borderline amazing. Congrats!

    Reply

  43. I’m 46 and in a place where I love every year, every grey hair. I’m not insane about the lines around my eyes, but they’re from laughing (and squinting) so that’s okay. I kind of thought there’d be more regret and fear when I was older, but that’s not the case.

    We seem to have the same purse. And the same outlook.

    Happy Birthday.

    Reply

  44. Happy Birthday! And congratulations for being one who ages with grace (in your attitude at least). My boyfriend turns 50 in September (I’ve still got a couple of years), and I think he’s going to have a full-on meltdown. Wish us luck.

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  45. A belated Happy Birthday to you, Michelle!
    Today would be my dad’s 95th, but he only made it to 57. As my friend tells me, getting old is a privilege, and she’s so right. I beat you to 52 by a couple of days, and it is a bit surreal. I don’t expect it to ever not be surreal. For some unknown reason, I can neither think nor speak “fifty-two” only “fitty-tooo!” WTF? Anyway, I work with the frail elderly, and let me tell you about perspective: it’s fucking powerful stuff. I’m reminded daily that I can get myself up, toileted, bathed, dressed and fed all by myself. I can also drive, read, follow a tv show, travel, plan, remember (uhhh…), hug my kids, converse, and hang with friends. That said, I’m still dying my hair so I’m not mistaken for a badger (or that other little animal, you know, the stinky one) cuz I just can’t rock HUGE snow-white streaks. We all gotta deal in our own way, but I think you’re doing an amazing job, and through this blog you allow us to enjoy the ride and support each other. Thank you! Here’s to a joyous year ahead!

    Reply

  46. I’m 62
    My first drum kit arrived 5 months before I turned 60. I now have 2 drum kits in the garage and play heavy metal with my son.
    I just started Taewondo last August – my doctor does not approve.
    Fuck age appropriate

    Reply

  47. Happy birthday! I’m with you, except I’m still totally coloring my hair. Like, tomorrow. Again. Can’t quite let that go yet…

    The learning to say no thing is awesome, and I’ve been loving it. I tell me kids not to wait 40 years to realize you don’t have to be a doormat. It took me way too long.

    Reply

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