Me: Why am I so hurt?
Every other person sitting around the table:…
Me:…
Me:…
Me: That’s the fucking Cards Against Humanity question, dumbasses. Why am I so hurt?
Every other person sitting around the table: Ohhhh.
We spent Friday night hanging out with both of Randy’s sisters and their assorted families. It has literally been years since we’ve all been together at the same time. We’re taking steps to remedy that situation.
Anyway, we stayed up way later than we ever do, drank beer and bourbon, while playing Cards Against Humanity.
I made the rule that we would play to 103 points, which means the game should have lasted until at least Wednesday. Which would have been completely awesome as Cards Against Humanity is way better than work.
In reality, we played around 10 rounds before the game broke apart in other conversations.
Randy and his middle sister swapped a few rounds with each other. Randy would only read the questions in silly voices, so his questions had to be repeated multiple times. And I would tell him to cut it out, but his sisters kept laughing at him and encouraging him. He didn’t cut it out.
No matter the question, I was finding every answer goddamn hilarious.
I only scored 1 point, which means I only got to read that one question.
I won a round where we had to give up two cards. The question was “My mom was horrified when she found my search history of <blank>.com /<blank>. My answer was “My mom was horrified when she found my search history of “thehamburgler.com/FullFrontalNudity”.
Anyway, everyone threw their cards in for the “Why am I so hurt” question.
I read the answers out loud.
Me: Why am I so hurt? Multiple stab wounds
Me: Why am I so hurt? My Inner demons.
Me: Okay, that one is a little too accurate.
Me: Why am I so hurt? Pretending everything is okay.
Me: Fucking really?
Me: Well, now I’m depressed. I guess I’ll pick the inner demons one.
I don’t remember the other answers.
I just found it hilarious that other questions had answers like: “Trying to watch my dad pee into my mom’s mouth” and “Getting angry boners” were appropriate, yet hilarious, and my question and answers were just highlighting a normal Monday. Well, except for the multiple stab wounds answer. That never happens. Except for this one time when I was trying to separate frozen pork chops and I stabbed almost all the way through my finger. But that wasn’t multiple stab wounds. It was just the one.
It was good to laugh. My favorite humor is absurd humor, so Cards Against Humanity never fails to make me laugh. The more nonsensical, the better.
And it felt good to be with my family again. My sister-in-law’s house is like the warmest, softest blanket at the baby shower.
I’m glad we’re going to start seeing each other more often.
We all need it.
I’m so happy that you had some really good quality family time just for fun. You deserve it honey!!! I don’t have any relationship AT ALL with my 2 brothers that live here in the Cincinnati area. (They just day they have their own lives and have no time), and my mother is just an all out bag of narcissism and pain for me. My husbands last remaining sibling lives in Michigan, so we only see her every few years. I like to hear other people’s happy family stories because it kinda helps me imagine what it’s like to have. Have a happy week!!!
Thank you. It was such a good time and it’s been so very long since we’ve hung out. We decided we’re going to shoot for every other month. (they live about 3 hours from us)
Having never played Cards Against Humanity I’m so grateful you’ve shared the secret of the game: play with people who have a really weird, dark sense of humor. I’m glad you had a wonderful time and that you didn’t really have multiple stab wounds, although I’m weird in that I can find a bright side to almost anything. For instance multiple stab wounds are much easier to treat than inner demons.
Yeah, there’s a bright side to that somewhere too, but mainly I just hope getting together with Randy’s sisters gives your inner demons multiple stab wounds.
HAHAHAH!! YES!!! My inner demons have got to go.
At least the inner demons didn’t get in through multiple stab wounds… Then you’d have to pull some weird witch doctor shit to get them out, and that would suck.
Exorcism should not be a surgical procedure.
Glad you guys had a good time. I only have one sibling left, and I recently wished her a happy birthday, but we don’t communicate much besides that.
Thank you! We had a wonderful time. Randy and I both have two younger sisters and I am grateful for all four of them.
I love that you remember the details of questions and answers so well!
The first time I tried Cards Against Humanity, we were playing with my now-husband’s family – his parents, his brothers and SIL, and his two kids (17 & 21 then). The only thing I remember in detail is “Grandma played the vagina card!” I don’t remember why she played it or what the connection was, but it’s now a running gag.
His family is awesome. I’d NEVER play this game with my parents!
Oh, I take notes. Hahaha…I send Randy texts that only make sense to me. He’s used to it. And no, never with parents.
I have yet to put my hands on that game. Although this isn’t the best advertisement, I must admit. It’s not like I need another shrink in my life, jeez. Glad you attempted to have fun against the odds of multiple stab wounds.
I recommend it, but it is not even remotely safe for kids. Or my parents.
I was reaching for the cat’s food bowl whilst holding the open can, and cut my finger on the lid. The lid of a cat food can. I applied pressure and ran cool water over it, just in case there was some weird shit debris on the edge of the lid of the cat food can, but really. Who cuts themselves on a cat food lid?
Today is my oldest niece’s birthday, so of course I had to call her to avoid the shame of last year, where I was the #BadAuntie for about a week, until I remembered the event! Calling her led to calling her mother, my sister. Which led to calling my SIL. Which led to a text message from my brother. Which led to calling him.
And then of course I had to call Daddy, because he gets a call every day (he’s old).
I love reconnecting with family! It was great!
It does feel good.