I am trying very hard to be helpful this holiday season. I gave you guys a gift giving guide of made up stuff, so there’s that. Now, I’m giving you a list of gifts to avoid:
- Bucket O’ Vipers
- Black Plague Science Kit
- Used condoms
- Black market babies
- Scabs
- Play Doh
- Radioactive spiders
- Rusty cans
- The blood of the righteous
- Hibernating bears
- Your will to live
- Candy cane shaped moth balls
- A framed copy of your jury summons
- Shoe box filled with shattered dreams
Okay, I guess you are on your own now. I’ve given you ideas for what to buy and what not to buy. We’re in the home stretch for Christmas, aren’t we?
This is my first Christmas with all adult children. Our family time happens this weekend and next Friday so we’re going to spend the holidays doing much of nothing. Not gonna lie, it sounds glorious. I am so looking forward to a long quiet weekend next weekend.
I do have something new to share with you guys today. I was approached by a site called Fiftiness to contribute and I produced my first podcast. I reworked an old blog post about things we shouldn’t wear. It was a lot of fun to make. Please stop by and give it a listen. And if you don’t mind, leave a comment. I hate it when I contribute elsewhere and I’m all alone. I feel like the new kid who has no one to sit with in the lunchroom.
Of course, we can’t forget Dude. This week Dude beats the stuffing out of my uterus.
Congrats on the new venue. And thanks for the list of gifts to avoid. I have to admit I’d like to send more than a few of these to PEOTUS, though.
Right there with you, sister..
After reading Dude’s adventures I think it’s a good thing Randy has this outlet for his creativity because God only knows what havoc he could create on you when you were sleeping. Still it might be best to sleep with one eye open in case he gets a wild hair.
Hahaha..there is no doubt. He is an odd one, but I like odd. 🙂
I LOVE your voice 🙂
Reading you and listening to you are mutually satisfying, and, since I listen to a wide variety of audiobooks, I think I’m a pretty good judge of ‘voice talent’ and you are totally ‘listenable.’
Nice work, Luv. Can we look forward to more?
And Dude is bringing me much needed joy and irreverence! Thanks Randy!
Yeah, I’m going to do this again. I had fun. I need to not rush through. I could have done better on that…lessons learned. It was fun, though. And thank you. 🙂
Dude cheers me up immeasurably.
Didn’t sound rushed to me at all.
It’s hard to pace your words and when I’m reading outloud I have to picture a pendulum and time my words to the swing.
You know those commercials where the speaker almost sounds like a chipmunk? Yeah. That’s me 🙂
I did go back and double comment.
Probably.
Cyberspace has soooo many of my words…
Oh, thank you so much!!!
You can tell that you already know podcasting is going to push you into the big time because instead of telling us “Please stop by” you said “Please stop buy.”
That’s not a criticism, because I am not a grammar Nazi (I make spelling errors galore throughout my posts and comments).
I just love Freudian slips.
Incidentally, Freudian slips, even though I love them, make terrible Christmas gifts.
HAHAHAHAHA…omg..I hate it when I misuse words. And true, Freudian slips do not make good gifts.
Okay, I fixed it! Thanks for letting me know.
I was that kid in the lunchroom. And I’ll sit with you! Congrats on the podcast – I’ve ventured into that world as well! I’ll go give a listen and definitely comment. Enjoy the quiet of an adult holiday. It’s divine.
We would be the coolest kids in the lunchroom. 🙂
Just out of curiosity, where do you buy a stuffed uterus? And who and why would someone buy one for you? And does Dude seriously not know the power of a uterus?
I had my uterus burned out around 6 years ago and one of my coworkers who was also a pseudokid of mine bought me that stuffed uterus as a get well gift. I have treasured it since.
How about the gift that keeps on giving: a gift-wrapped collection of your parking tickets? Lovely list, although maybe a radioactive spider would give me the superpowers I have always dreamed of.
I agree with everything on your list except the hibernating bears. That would be an awesome gift. I mean, you wouldn’t know exactly what you got until Spring, right? Imagine the anticipation. Imagine the morning breath???? Plus you could listen to them snore and fart, and watch their paws waggle when they dream. (Perhaps I just miss being married? Nawww…)
I’m experiencing some issues with my internet service, so I can’t listen to your podcast just yet, but as soon as they’re dealt with, I’m there.
Christmas with adult children can be OK. After Briana and I moved to Oakland, my mother finally got her wish of taking a family trip to Reno for everyone’s Christmas present. My parents flew us from SF to Reno and put us up in a motel room. They also got us all (Briana, me, my brother, and my sister) tickets to see a show, which turned out to be Glen Campbell, one of my mom’s faves. This was very surreal for Briana and myself, as we had seen Frank Zappa the night before we left, so we may be the only people in history who have seen Frank Zappa and Glen Campbell on consecutive nights.
Also, Glen Campbell put on a pretty good show, all things considered. He played the William Tell Overture on the guitar, while holding the guitar on top of his head.
UUmmmmm..
I asked for the radioactive spider, actually. I don’t see the problem.
I’ve seen a whole lot of other junk you could add to your list.
It’s telling that everything on your list sounds like a great gift to me. Maybe it’s because compared to them triops sound so much better. Every year I ask for a triops kit but my wife doesn’t want them in the house.
If you don’t know what triops are google them. Totally SFW–they’re like sea monkeys but a billion times cooler because they’re so much bigger.
Now that I’ve said that I think I can see my wife’s point.
Hahah..I’m going to have to look that up.