I’ve seen some Facebook posts and articles talking about choosing a goal defining word for 2017. I’m seeing words like “mindfulness” , “health”, “growth”, and “calm”.
I am loathe to pick a word because as soon as I do, I’m pretty sure the universe, mother nature, the tooth fairy, and maybe, the ghost of Christmas past are going to collude in an attempt to fuck it up. I’ve been around long enough and I’m on to their shenanigans. Pretty sure, the Tooth Fairy is the ring leader. You have to question the mental stability of an entity obsessed with human teeth. That can’t be the sign of a healthy mind.
Anyway, I decided that I could help you in case you are interested in naming your own “word” for 2017.
So, here we go, here is a list of words you can use to help guide you through the coming year:
Batman: If you decide your goal defining word is “Batman”, let me congratulate you. I think being Batman would be amazing. There are a few things you have to do in order to make this work.
First, you have to be cool with wearing all black, which I don’t see as a problem. It’s been working for me for years.
Secondly, you need to locate to a part of the country where super villains live because it’s no good to be Batman if 
you don’t have a Joker. If you are Batman and there is no super villain, then you’re just a weirdo in a bat suit.
Third, you will never have to think of a response to any question. From now on, your response can be “I’m Batman.” Oh, yeah, you also have to be a billionaire. First order of business should be “become a billionaire”.
Feathers: Because who doesn’t love feathers? I mean, unless you are allergic. Or you worry about bird mites. Or don’t want to constantly be sweeping up the wispy little bits. Maybe, feathers isn’t the best choice.
Onomatopoeia: Because BANG sometimes we need to announce ourselves to the world BOOM that we have arrived and we want to be noticed! MEOW. That was Alfie the kitty’s contribution to this post. Hahaha, just kidding. His contribution was a bunch of “u’s” and an unexpected operating system update.
Hagadaga: I think you should only pick this word if your goal is to get on your significant other’s nerves as much as possible. For instance, I love the movie The Breakfast Club. But I have to weigh the enjoyment I get from watching TBC against the annoyance I feel with Randy as he walks around saying “hagadaga” for days.
Squash: Not the food because no one likes squash. Or kale chips. Why do people always lie about how great kale chips are? I don’t like eating crispy lawn clippings or chips that taste like feet.
Not squash like the game squash because that leads to sweating and in my case would probably result in a concussion.
Use the word “squash” as in “squash unpleasant shit between your toes”. I don’t know what unpleasant shit you have to deal with, but whatever it is, squash it under your bare feet like a dead toad laying on asphalt in August.
Lobotomy: I don’t need to explain this, right? Sure, it’s extreme, but there is no doubt it would solve a few things. Like worrying every morning about having clean pants to wear to work.
Squeegee: Squeegee would be a good goal word to pick because it is fun to say. You can say squeegee in a staccato fashion and make it sound like you are rubbing your finger over glass. squeegee squeegee squeegee. Or you can draw it out – squeeeeeegeeeeee. Either way, a fun word to say. Say it now. Squeegee squeegee squeeeeeegeeeeee.
Brackish: A fun goal word choice because you could misuse it all the time. But misuse it in a way that it’s just kind of wrong but possibly right. The misuse would annoy people but not enough to make them correct you. You could say things like “I prefer my coffee a bit brackish” or “I’m painting my living room red, but not red, red. More a brackish red.” And if they do correct your misuse of the word, then you roll your eyes and say “Dude, I make my coffee with fresh and salt water.” or “Yes, I mean a brackish red. Like the paint is cut with salt water and makes this groovy texture on the wall.”
Slurry: An awesome choice for 2017. It is so 2005 to say “mix some flour and water together because this gravy is too fucking thin.” I also think you can use slurry to describe how you feel after 3 shots of tequila and a four loko. So, you know, that shit would come in handy.
Stupid: An argument can be made that it shows a lack of emotional maturity in choosing this word. Who cares? There is something deeply satisfying about calling anything that gets on your nerves stupid. Things like bills, traffic, stubbed toes, and cubicles. All stupid. Getting up on Monday morning? Stupid. Looking for clean underwear? Stupid. See? Stupid feels good.
Cake: Because cake.
Go: This word is versatile and can help guide you in 2017. Go live your dreams! Go chase your goals! Go on vacation. Go against the tide. “Go” can help propel you through the coming year. But don’t forget, this word also works in other ways. You can use it to say “Go to hell” and “Go fuck yourself”. Handy phrases for many situations.
There you go. I am here to help. I still don’t know what word I am going to choose for 2017. I am waffling between “nap” and “Netflix”. And now, I am also considering “waffles”.
Therapize.
It didn’t make it as big last year as I was hoping…
It IS a word!! I just Googled it!
So why the squiggly red line, Spellcheck?
But it doesn’t mean ‘therapy by an unlicensed non-professional:’
ther·a·pize
ˈTHerəˌpīz/
verb
subject to psychological therapy.
“you don’t need to therapize or fix each other”
Oh… how wrong is that?
Well…you learn something new every day, right?
If it were thera-pies, I could get behind that. I am definitely on Team Pie. Apple pie, rhubarb pie, thera pie. Every time I go to therapy, I get a pie! Hmmmm… Pie…
Ooohhhh. Yes. Thera-PIE!!!
We could be ALL better!
I’m going for thera-pie!
Thanks, Spiked Lee 😀
I like your way!
I want cherry thera-pie
I would pay extra for pie sessions.
God, I hadn’t thought about condensing this year to a word. But “Rollercoaster” sprang randomly into my head. Then, if things go well or not, it could be likened to an adrenaline rush at a theme park.
At least either way, it won’t be too much of a shock??!!
Fuck it, I’m going with Batman.
That is a damn fine choice.
I feel you with this word. I so much do.
Michelle, when you told me you were going to do a post about your word for the year I certainly didn’t expect this…it is hilarious! Thanks for making me smile so early in the day. Love it. Now I’m considering changing mine to “Ice Cream”…oops that is 2 words…ph well…
Ice cream!!! YES! See? I can get behind two words when it’s Ice and Cream.
Thank you. 🙂
Fo shizzles, I’m going with “onomatopoeia”! BANG!!! goes the front door as it swings open, BOOM!!! as my foot hits Frankie’s ass, MEOW!!!!! as his pissing days inside the house and patio are over and he lands in the grass! Haha! Yes, as you can see, this has been the kind of morning I’ve had so far. Not really a goal I want for 2017 though. Oh hell, I’ll choose “serendipity”. I just like saying it. Is that a good enough reason? 🙂
I think that is a great reason! Also a very good word choice. XO
*pets Frankie*
*pets Tink*
I just typed ‘Fee-fi-fo-fum’ into a message for a friend. We’re going to be giants today cuz the snow is really deep and there is an inch ice crust on top so it feels like you’re taking giant stomping steps and the ice slides across the ice making earth cracking noises.
Wanna be a giant with me, today, Tink?
Hey, Lisa K! Sure, I suppose for one day, Tinkerbell can stretch to giant size! Haha! Not sure I’m up for all that crunchy, crusty, ice crystal stuff. I wear flip flops a lot. While you’re petting Frankie, do you think you can therapize him for me? The vet mentioned placing him on Paxil or Prozac but if I have to drug my cat in order to live here with me, that isn’t a very good sign. In my opinion, anyway. It isn’t like he’s having seizures or something.
SERENITY NOW!!!!! My go-to for quotes: Seinfeld. HAHAHA!!!
I could not decide as I went down your wonderful list till I got to cake. But not cake. I don’t like cake. I mean I’ll eat it, but it’s not like PIE. Fruit pies. Homemade fruit pies. OR COOKIES. Homemade cookies, but not chocolate chip. (Can you tell I have been on a diet for the last 42 million years.) I could get into this word thing. When I read about it I thought it was STUPID, (another really good word) because when I tried to think of what would suit me, all I could come up with was DESPAIR because I couldn’t think of a word. And this must be something that I need to do because people I admire are doing it. Now I realize I just need to be me–SNARKY. So thank you. For the laughs and the insight.
Coctails, like cake, because coctails!
Yes! That’s the spirit. Or spirits as the case may be.
My goal word is lingo, to remind me to eliminate words and phrases such as on fleek, bae, yas, ratchet, homie, dope, whack, cray-cray, bruh, triggered, and countless others that are so commonly used by us 70 year old women.
Just as bad, though, are the incredibles, awesomes, literallys, basicallys, amazings, so uniques (does one of a kind really need to be modified?), honestlys, absolutelys, etc.
I will give myself credit, though, my slang lingo has always been awesomely on fleek…..
Yas….ER…uh…yes, I dislike lingo. It’s stupid.
I am SO guilty of “awesome” I use that word a LOT. I would use it in every sentence if my brain got it’s way. haha.
Honestly? That’s awesome, Michelle.
Thank you!!
This was on the Urban Dictionary (yas–haha! I had to look it up!) and I literally laughed out loud. 🙂 Oh, credit to Darrylbster for the definition! This was priceless!
on fleek
A word used by those intent on decimating the English language, and further depleting the ever dwindling repository of individuals capable of intellectual conversation.
For anyone who uses the term ‘on fleek’ I’ve added links to the big words to help you out.
I have a terrible vocabulary because I am a high school dropout. I have difficulty expressing myself with actual words, so I compensate for my inadequacies by using made up words and hope that no one questions it. In the likely event that someone DOES question it, I will react as if they are laughably out of touch. My portrayal of an uneducated social media whore is on fleek.
HAHAHA omg that is priceless.
I’m going with “shenanigans”. If I were a better person I’d pick “Batman” but the truth is even though I want the world to be a better, safer place I’m too lazy to want to put any effort into making that way. Being Batman is hard work, but now I can wear black or put salt in my coffee or get all slurry and people will say, “Oh, he’s getting up to his shenanigans again.”
And you know shenanigans are fantastic because you can never have just one.
you are so right. No one has ever had a single shenanigan. They’re always in groups. A shower of shenanigans? A shoop of shenanigans?
I’m sticking with Batman. Because I live in a city that has no super villains (unless you count politicians, which I’m told we do not… I’m also told I’m not allowed to go egg his house, which is bullshit but Husband is standing firm on this point and will not black out the cameras for me so there you go, I’m stuck until I find a better class of henchman) and that plays nicely into my greatest strength: my laziness. I’m not technically a billionaire yet but I figure neither was Bruce until his parents died so maybe my problem is I haven’t waited long enough.
I am super cool with wearing all black, though. Like, I’ve got that part down.
I think you are mostly there, caped crusader!
Hilarious and useful!
My mind-“Batman! Yes! Oh, super villains…never mind. Hmmm, Joker? No then have to deal with Batman. Hmmm. ooh cake. Do I love anything more than cake (well aside family blah blah)”
So I settled on booze. All encompassing–could be beer, wine, vodka. Whatever works.
I feel better already!
It feels good to make a decision. And booze is a good one.
Prince.
Because, well, Prince.
But also because Robert Downey Junior is three words.
HAHHAHA…AWESOME!
You said “shenanigans” at the beginning of your post and just like that, it became my word.
That IS a good one.
How many shenanigans in a hijink? Wait, don’t tell me, or all of the mystery will be gone.
Therapize is good. So are therapists. They may say it’s called PT for pain and torture, but I can walk (sort of) because of it.
Stupid. Stupid. Stupie-wupid. Hmm. Not really working for me, but I tend to like my profanity profane.
I would totally stomp around through the iced-over snow and be giant if I could get my left leg to agree to it, but most likely I would just fall on my ass. That might make an awesome noise, though. And I. I would make an awesome noise, also.
So I think I’m gonna go with music. Music has towed my misbehaving carcass through some bleak-ass shit, and yet I’m still here typing about it, so who knows?
Really, even in non-snark mode, music is my word, because if I were to be completely honest in naming something I’m actually hopeful about and looking forward to in 2017, it has to be seeing Lucius in concert this year. I’m up to one concert per year now (The Joy Formidable in 2015 and Neko Case in 2016) so I’m actually optimistic about actually being there when Jess and Holly make that sound this year…
I think you and Randy would get along great. I suspect his word would be music as well. Maybe. Maybe annoying. Or Hagadaga.
I am the defender of the Tooth Fairy. Last year I started making tooth fairy pillows and doing some research found that many pillows have a handle or ribbon so they can hang on the bedroom door. At first I thought the tooth fairy had become stupid. I mean she has been around forever, but no it is because some parents say their kids are light sleepers and it makes it easier for everyone. Again not the ToothFairy! I went to a craft fair this fall and a woman had tooth fairy pillows for sale with wings. WINGS? These are the pillows. I said something to her and I had to be pushed away from my friend because talk about confusing the issue.
So with that I recommend the word for 2017 be ToothFairy!
I cannot argue with your choice.
I thought about meshuggana but I think 2016 laid claim to that
I just hope that wasn’t the opening act.
SweeeeT! I’m gonna be Batman. But the Y2Kray version. The one that gets his gear from yard sales, and wears brackish spanks.
I’m here in Romania, and while I haven’t actually seen ’em yet, I just KNOW there’s vampires around. I bet they’d totally love to take me on as their new nemesis.
My scrawny, agoraphobic, socially uncoof (my spelling IS right, so don’t even bother checking) ass would be the perfect counterpoint to their mysterious creature-of-the-night thing.
Thanks for the suggestion!
I am not going to lie, I would watch a movie about that batman. You will be the BEST BATMAN EVER. Hahaha…I love this. Don’t get bit. And if you see any good ceramic cookware at the yard sales, pick it up for me.
Slurry cracked me up because during Christmas I had to explain to someone that “simple syrup” was a fancy way of saying sugar water. It was in regards to how to feed their tree.
My word for the year is ENOUGH!
Because ENOUGH of the Tweets Mr. Trump, ENOUGH of the body shaming to all, I am ENOUGH, and ENOUGH with the loud noises kids!…..Mama’s trying to get ENOUGH sleep for a change. 🙂
Enough is a great word to pick! And hahahaa…sugar water…if we added flour it could be simple slurry syrup.