So, we adult children of narcissists come with our own special baggage. What we carry it in might look different, but the contents are going to be similar. Just don’t look in the side pocket of my bag. I have no idea how long those underwear have been in there and they might be a science project by now.
One thing that know about me is that I can change. I don’t trust a single goddamn thing I think or feel, but I know for sure that I can change.
I can change jobs. I can change states. I can change husbands and friends and hair color. I can do these things with relative ease and continue on with my life.
Except this belief is cracking. I couldn’t change husband easily anymore. I really like the one I have.
By like, I mean I adore him and I can’t imagine not having him to tell my little mundane things to, like what one hit wonder song from the seventies is playing on the radio or things I overhear at work. Also, he’s the only human on the planet that I will sing the ‘weenie man’ song to.
And friends. I have friends now both new and old that are important to me and I want to keep in touch. I want to spend time with them.
I really should change this job. But it’s close and I’m tired.
Still, I can change without freaking out. When the baby boy graduates, we are considering selling most of our things and taking off. I want to find people who are more like us and be around them. I can make this change and just be excited about it.
Then I started watching Doctor Who.
Fucking HELL…I can’t change at all. Changing companions, regenerating doctors..it’s all very distressing. When the doctor turned into David Tennant, I hated the new doctor. And then I loved the new doctor. Rose Tyler is leaving? What the fuck. Martha was okay. I actively disliked Donna, it was like I wasn’t even giving her a chance. Why? OH MY FUCKING GOD!!! It’s because I can’t change.
I ended up like Donna quite a bit and was completely skeptical of this Amy Pond character. Then I fell more in love with Amy and Rory, but this Matt Smith character? The raggedy doctor? He is no David Tennant. And who is this River Song chick? She is confusing and unsettling and holy crap, I love her.
Now we have Clara. I’m feeling more relaxed with Matt Smith and I love it when he wears Amy’s reading glasses, but what about Clara? I liked her fine as the Dalek…but no one said she was going to end up a companion. I am, once again, skeptical. She also looks a little like Christina Ricci. That’s not a criticism. Just an observation.
Apparently, before long, I’m going to have to get used to yet another doctor and I’m getting stressed out in advance.
All my life, I thought I was a go with the flow kind of girl, but apparently, I was mistaken.
Ahhh, I felt that way when they replaced John Boy with — WHO IN THE EVER LOVING HECK??? But that was A Long Time Ago in possibly another galaxy.
I don’t *want* to change anything (right now), but I like to believe that I *could* if I had to. Or if I felt like I needed to. Or if it was really a super-big emergency, and I couldn’t change everything ELSE first…
If I may venture something (as a complete stranger)…I think, from the bleachers out here, that you *have* changed. Since I first started reading your blog, your thoughtful insights…seem…more positive, and it’s been very cool to see that. (not to be all sappy–but I just felt like I thought throw that out there)
Also–hope you start feeling better. I think of you when I bake bread now (today, again)…saying I WANT SOME OF THAT LIKE RIGHT EFFING NOW. 😉
Thank you. I do think I’ve made some pretty important strides. Writing this blog has helped SO MUCH.
Ohh..and by the way..I’ve been trying to leave comments on your blog and they don’t appear. 🙁 I don’t know what’s going on there, I’ve never had a problem before.
whaa-??? I know they come to me for moderating, but I haven’t seen any since the one where you were talking about growing the one zucchini…and there’s nothing in my spam box except one from some anon who said I use the word “Whatever” too much. Well. whatever… lol
boo. I love comments… I don’t know how to fix that (not super Google- or blog-smart unfortunately). Anyone know much about Blogger??
And yeah, writing does help in weird ways, doesn’t it?
I’ve never watched Dr. Who…Should I even try? Is it worth the stress?
I started watching it because my youngest son LOVES IT and I wanted to share it with him. Yes, I would say to watch it. I love it.
I confess, I know I’m bad with change. Terrible with it, actually. But with Who sometimes it’s even worse because when I fall for a character, I fall HARD. I think part of the reason I never liked Ten is that I am still desperately in love with Nine… Whovian life, man. It’s tough.
I feel you. I do…that is my struggle with this as well. And I miss Rory. I loved Rory. The whole centurion thing just melted my shriveled up little heart.
Trouble with change? Guess you’ll need to cross off cashier from your potential careers list.
HAHAH..dammit..and I would so enjoy working with the public.
Well, you sound like you’re feeling a bit better. From the title, I was expecting this post to be about medical doctors, but no!
No TV, so I don’t know a damn thing about Dr. Who, except that it seems to make a lot of people happy. And that when Yes played the Greek Theater in Berkeley in 1984, Chris Squire wore a somehow Dr. Who related costume that I didn’t understand and someone had to explain to me.
I don’t like change for its own sake as much as I used to, but I still seem to be getting a LOT of it.
I just started watching it because my youngest loves it so much. I’m glad I did.
I don’t feel great by any stretch..but I’m tired of moaning about it. I’m seeing a specialist on Friday.
Change is overrated anyway. Guess I need to watch Dr. Who.
I love it..I really do. It took me a while to warm up..but then I was hooked.
My daughters have always loved Dr. Who — and then I started reading that a lot of my favorite bloggers loved Dr. Who. Then, this fall I was in Europe and couldn’t find any English television channels — but I found one channel that was showing Dr. Who (in French). Even though they were speaking a different language, it still felt a little like home (it was the Library episode and I was texting my girls throughout the whole show so they could explain what was happening).
When I got home, I was home sick for about a week, so I fired up the Netflix and started from the first episode. I knew I was a goner when that one episode with Rose made me cry (don’t want to give any spoilers in case Dr. Who virgins are reading — but you know the one I mean).
Yes..cried like a baby…also the Amy and Rory and weeping angels in Manhattan. Holy hell…
No, you were right all along. its just that the flow turns out to be a current.
Change. I thought I liked it, too, but I freak out nowadays just going on a plane somewhere. Can’t I just stay home and bring the happy to me? Your Doctor Who experience is my Doctor Who experience — especially since I watched it in a binge — I’d just get used to a companion and they’d leave (I, too, hated then loved Doctor/Donna).
I keep playing Twitter games with you, I thought I’d come and check out what you can do with more than 140 characters. You’re a clever lady, to be sure. I, too, am the child of a narcissist, so you’re speaking my language. It was actually really refreshing to learn I’m not completely insane. Unless we both are. Oh, shit, we both are, aren’t we?
Thank you! I’m glad you checked out my blog. I do this because I hate my job and I have to do something that gives me a sense of accomplishment.
And yes, I’m afraid we are both completely insane 🙂
In all honesty..we have to stick together..we’re a unique tribe. But for the most part, I do think we understand each other and it feels so damn good to not be alone.
It’s weird isn’t it. I’ve been starting to fear change too. Me…who has been a kind of gypsy for most of my adult life, 3 to 6 month contracts in one country and then fly to another and I loved it.
I totally thrived on change and the excitement of arriving in a whole new country and meeting new and interesting people.
Even when I came back to the UK and married the douche, we were constantly on the move with his job changes so being in one place and settled is totally alien to me. I really miss the travelling, but I have no real roots anywhere.
Lately I’ve thought that maybe I need to go back to being the itinerant traveller, but the idea of that kind of change now isn’t quite as exciting, in fact it stresses me out just thinking about it.
Maybe it’s an age thing, I’m looking for the final move, to a place where I feel comfortable and then I’ll put down roots I guess, if there is such a place!
Randy and I are considering aimlessly wandering for a while after Joey graduates in 2 years. I guess we’ll see if that actually happens. I really want it to
I wouldn’t mind aimlessly wandering if I had an RV or something similar, (and could drive), or a narrow boat. I always fancied living on the water. Would hamper my recording though
🙂
Yeah, I am actually not a huge fan of change, so I know exactly what you mean about TV shows…honestly, I do find it stressful as a viewer!-Ashley
I am growing less and less fond of change…I probably got upset with the new Darren Stevens as well..I just don’t remember
Change is very scary for Adult Children of Alcoholics, who may or my not share traits with CON. Fear is our base trait, which tends to make us really great in professions where you have to know everything and do everything RIGHT NOW (like P.R. for example, pfffftttt) or there will be BAD CONSEQUENCES AND CONFLICT. And we shrink from that. Until we have had enough and start setting off nukes. Ironically, when we do change, whoa. My changes have includes moving halfway round the world. Three times. BTW, I totally get your “tiredness”. I would expand upon that but zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
I would also expand upon the tiredness…but your Zs made me very sleepy..
I suck at change. Unless it was my idea. Then it’s ok. Cuz I thought of it, so that makes it ok.
I also get a bit grumpy at the changes in Dr. Who. Loved David Tennant, but then fell HARD for Matt Smith. Not sure about this new guy. He doesn’t seem charming at all. But then I saw him in Torchwood, too. Not a great guy. We’ll see.
Oh, and thank you…I knew Clara reminded me of someone but I could never think who. Christina Ricci. Of course!
I’m just bummed that I’m all caught up. I will probably start over to see what I missed the first time around.