Just a few minutes ago, I stood in the shower with water as hot as I could stand. I felt better than I have all day.
I don’t know why I feel so rotten today. My head aches, I’m foggy, my bones are tired. I felt the Spring allergies coming on this morning. Then, on my way home, Spring changed into snow and sleet.
The older I get, the more erratic weather fucks with me.
I can’t give the weather all the rotten feeling credit. I’m hormonal, too. Before I took a shower I started sobbing watching Supernatural. The scene of Kevin and Mrs. Tran getting tattoos to ward off demon possession. Not really one of the more touching moments.
Fucking really, Michelle? Over this? I can’t even.
PLEASE NOTE: I made up a rule tonight for my blog. I can use the phrase ‘I can’t even’ one time in my blog. Once. In the entire existence of Rubber Shoes, I get to use the phrase once and I choose now. I have no other blog rules. I need to think about this. I probably should have a few rules. Besides the ‘I can’t even’ rule.
But I digress. A lot, apparently.
I stood in the shower and leaned my head against the wall while looking down at my feet and I remembered this guy I used to work with decades ago.
I won’t say this guy’s name. I would be stunned if he were aware of this blog, but you never know. I will call him Dweeby McDweeberson instead.
If, against all odds, you are someone I used to work with years ago and you think this post is about you, it’s not. It’s about that other guy.
Hahahah. Just kidding. If you think it’s about you, then you’re probably right.
Anyway, Dweeby very much appreciated the opportunity to embarrass other people. For example, he would say something like “Hey Michelle, did you eat boogers when you were little? And I would say no, I did not eat boogers (I am nearly positive this is true). Then, he’d walk around talking about how Michelle says she never ate her own boogers.
For the record, I completely made up that example. I am trying to describe Dweeby’s personality.
The next conversation, however, did take place. I don’t remember it word for word because the conversation took place over 30 years ago, but this is close.
Dweeby McDweeberson: Michelle, do you wash your feet every time you take a shower?
Me: Why would I discuss my showers with you?
Dweeby McDweeberson: Why won’t you answer the question?
Me: Fine. Yes. I wash my feet every time I take a shower.
Dweeby McDweeberson: Do you wash your hair first?
Me: I wash my hair first so that I can leave conditioner sit on it for a while.
Dweeby McDweeberson: Ewwww, so you rinse that conditioner out all over yourself after you’ve already washed? I mean, it’s all greasy and coming out of your hair.
Then he shuddered to demonstrate how very strongly he felt about the importance of washing last.
Me: Dweeby McDweeberson, I wash my hair every day, it’s never really dirty. I don’t know what you are washing out of your head, but I don’t feel like I’m getting covered in an oil slick.
The truth? I washed out an 8th of a can of Aqua Net that I used every morning in the eighties. Showers always felt at least a little sticky.
Weird, the things your pounding head remembers as you stand in a steamy shower and stare at your feet.
I didn’t wash my feet tonight. I probably didn’t wash my feet every time I took a shower back then, either.
My head hurts, I am hormonal. All I want to do is sleep and it’s not even 8:00 pm.
I am also happy that I am who I am now. I am pleased that I have grown into a woman who wouldn’t suffer conversations where another person just wants to set me up to showcase their ‘acting like a dick’ skills. I have to think that if I worked with Dweeby McDweeberson now, my end of the conversation would mostly be me saying ‘shut the fuck up’.
I can even.
Unless I am cutting bangs, then I can’t even.
That one doesn’t count for the blog rule. Different context.
Geez, what a dick! I’m surprised you didn’t slug him, or poison his coffee. But that’s not what I would have done. Nunh-uh. No way. Yes way.
Who washes their feet every time?? Doesn’t the soap flowing down over them do that?
For the record, I think you should have “I can’t even” in every blog post.
Hahah..maybe I should! And yes..the dripping soap does a fine job most of the time.
The weather has gotten me all F’ed up, too. Springtime in the south- pollen and pear trees that look pretty but smell like cat piss. I’m having to do a ton of self-motivating just to get out the door. Wishing you an “up” day today! 🙂
Thank you! I am hoping for an UP day today. It’s had a rocky start..but let’s see where it goes.
Even your shitty days are hilarious! I think Dweeby might be one of my older brothers, just sayin’.
Haha. I met his siblings and I’m sure you weren’t one of them…but I get what you are saying.
The world is full of Dweeby McDweebersons. Sometimes I feel like I have met most of them. I was even married to one for a while, how’s that for an act of self flagellation? I don’t think he ever washed his feet if my olfactory memory serves me correctly. These days my standard response to such mind numbing people is to answer their question with one of my own “and your completely irrelevant point is?” If you do it with a benign, indulgent smile on your face it usually has the desired effect.
The weather gets to me too, I feel like a human barometer. As for crying at silly things, I do it all the time. Maybe it’s hormones, maybe it’s just that I’m a prat. But I am at least a prat with feelings.
Hahha..I am also a prat with feelings, then. 🙂
I think I could have written this ! We all have a dweeeby past and present… Love Supernatural (Dean -sigh!). You and I have the same exact weather issues… my ent actually said I was a human barometer. Rain = sinus misery. And it has been raining since November here. Now I get to deal with spring. Bless… feel better.
You feel better too. I have decided that it is the privilege of my age (and hormonal status) to indulge myself in perusing young and beautiful men. As long as they are on screen, and therefore not ‘real’ I can justify it quite happily. It’s just aesthetic appreciation 😉
🙂 My husband is a good sport about my adoration for the “Dean Winchesters of the world” He teases me about it, and then I look at him and think… well… you are real and you are kind of hot too 😛 WIN WIN
Haha..yeah, my husband tolerates my various star crushes.
Oh hell yes…it’s completely justified. Speaking of Justified..Timothy Oliphant is some nice eye candy as well.
Thank you! I hope it ends soon. I’m rather crabby these days.
Great post (I ought to update my own pitiful blog one of these days) – I can SO relate!!!
But I’ll tell you my SuperSecret method – I block the shower drain so I can SOAK MY FEET while I shower!!! Works for me 😉 !
BRILLIANT!
Hope you are feeling better. I wouldn’t be able to be this funny with a pounding headache. 🙂
It’s not gone yet. As soon as the weather decides what it is going to settle on, then I’ll be better.
About three years ago, I was in the shower and was washing my feet. Well, one of them anyway. I was holding it up, scrubbing the bottom, when for some reason I decided to take a closer look. So I pulled it higher – completely forgetting that my foot was attached to my leg. I felt a sharp pain in my knee, and I spent the next week limping. I posted on FB about my brain fart idiocy and my cousin sent me a Soapy Toes Foot Scrubber. It has suction cups on the bottom and bristles on the top. But it tickles so I still don’t wash my feet every time I take a shower.
Oh god…I’m glad you didn’t break anything. Hahaha…I think the soapy toes thing would get on my nerves. I hate to be tickled.
BTW, I think Dweeby may be a DJ on a radio station in LA. They did a poll one morning and the question was “Do you shave your toes?”
Hahah..I doubt it, he didn’t have a good voice. Not a radio voice at least.
I hate to say this but I think Dweeby would be hilarious to work with. Yes he was (and still is, if he’s alive) an asshole, but everyone knew he was an asshole. That takes some of the sting out of his behavior. And when he fucked with you there was at least something you could do about it, unlike the erratic weather.
I hope you feel better soon.
I assume he’s alive, he’s not much older than I am and I’m not THAT old yet.
Thank you, I hope I feel better soon, too. This headache will not let me go.
Please make up some more blog rules to break right away. It contributes to my laughs for the day. My mom used to use Aqua net. Not on her feet
Haha. I’ll have to think of some more..
If anyone needed a dick punch it would be him.
Oh hell yes..
Can we rename him Dicky McDickerson? Geez, what a fucking moron and asshat. Who gives a shit how you shower or whether you wash your feet? I’d tell him NUNYA and walk away.
That would have been a good way..but I was young..and had a thing about displeasing people, so I’d answer questions. I like who I am now SO MUCH MORE.
Wow, Mr Dweeberson is such a dick! What an a-hole!
He really was.
That was a perfectly acceptable touching moment to make you get weepy. Sigh. I need to watch the current season, I’m so behind on literally everything I want to watch.
You really do…it’s been fun so far..
I keep meaning to! I also haven’t finished season 2 of Sons of Anarchy and intend to finish that one day. Sigh…..
oh yeah, and the weather. You posted aobut the weather. Weather (in addition to flashing/fluorescent/weird lighting) is one of the things which can trigger terrible headaches and sometimes migraine town for me. So fuck wonky weather too.
The day I got my picture taken with Norman Reedus, I also met Ryan Hurst (Opie from SOA) and he was awesome.
Opie was the best. I bought my husband a black beanie so he would resemble Opie a bit more. As with the feet washing – I let the soap dripping down do all the work since I am lazy as fuck and my feet are always clean. It’s not as one goes barefoot through a forrest every day.
You are funny. And I know it doesn’t help, but the hormone thing will end, I promise. And then you’ll have other stuff to worry about. (And I am not funny.)
Anita
Oh thank you. It’s good to know there is a light at the end of the hormonal tunnel.
I think your feet get washed by default when the shampoo residue washes over them on its way to the drain. So, you know, you still have clean feet, so fuck Dweeby McDweeberson and his insinuations. I hate people who say those kinds of things to others and they just stick with you. Stupid shit you shouldn’t care about, but it does. I can think of specific things that people have said to me like this that have stuck with me for years, too. We just have to remember the source and try to move on. Fuckers.
Right? I think it stuck with me because I actually answered his questions. I would laugh at him now.
Pretty much every dude I knew in junior high was just like that. Two of them got into a lot of trouble for playing a joke on me – they told me this piano-protege kid I liked got hit by a car over the summer and died. When I went home hysterical my parents called around and fact-checked and they totally lied to me. Dicks.
That’s freaking horrible! assholes
I used to have sort of a stock reply to the Dweebies of the world when they offered me bullshit advice or criticism: “So I can be just like you, right?” I haven’t used it in years, so apparently I don’t encounter them as often as I used to, which may be a skill unto itself…
I used to get headaches back when I smoked cigarets, they were miserable. Since my stroke, though, anything wrong with my head sort of scares the shit out of me.
THAT is a good response!
I hope it’s not wrong to laugh at the part about Dweeby. I think I know him too. 🙂
Laugh away!!
well, since we are trading secrets here (are we?) I never specifically wash my feet in the shower unless I have been walking barefoot through mud, cause washing your feet makes them really slippery and well, that just isn’t safe!
And now I am off to get a tattoo to ward of demons….thanks for reminding me.
I DO want to get another tattoo…I just haven’t gotten around to it.
Unfortunately, at times the Dweebers of the world claw through old memories and surface, sometimes ruining an otherwise wonderfully therapeutic shower. Oh if we only had a dollar for every time we indulged others at our own expense. There’d be a lot more wine in my kitchen! And new boots on my feet! For some reason, as I was reading I remembered the old commercial jingle, “gonna wash that man right outta my hair!” – maybe we need to wash out all those old Dweebs? And step on their faces before they disappear down the drain. Then wash our feet. How productive would that be, huh?
Yes…I have grown quite tired of indulging others at my expense…
Wow, I didn’t know you knew my ex husband…
I think it’s something in the air, I’m really foggy this week. Brain is not at all functioning well. What day is it again?
I am not sure what day it is, sister…we should probably have a drink.
Sounds like a plan to me
The I can’t even rule is perfect. I find it being used a lot around here, because the main person I hang out with is 16 years old and my direct descendant…and she can’t even A LOT.
Your Dweeby guy sounds like someone I’d have known. I would have the same kind of conversations with them, and they’d get the best of me, and then like the whole night afterwards, I’d lie awake and think of zingers I should have used. Yeah, THAT would show him…
*sigh* hindsight kinda sucks
I love where you’re at, too, and–call me a risk-taker–I wash my hair (and/or my feet) in whatever order I FEEL like.
Hahahaha…you are a rebel.
Ahhh the healing power of a hot shower….
…followed by comfy pjs and a hug…
If it makes you feel any better, the weather is being insane down here at the bottom of Australia too… And we only have tank water so a 3-minute shower is as long as it can be…
Hope your head stops hurting soon
Okay, I do appreciate that my shower was longer than 3 minutes..
Why would you need to wash your feet every day? Unless you were a pioneer or something and had to walk across the great plains barefoot while wearing an often-mended pinafore and bonnet, because your parents felt it was much more important to have things like the wardrobe, and piano, and foodstuffs in the wagon instead of letting you sit there. But no – you end up having to walk all the way from St. Louis to California – in bare feet – in the dirt and stones and sometimes in the snow and shit. And then the only revenge you can get is burning the wardrobe and piano for heat when the wagon train gets stuck in the mountains during a freak early snowstorm – and then you can eat your parents after you finish all of the food stuffs. See, THEN I can see why you would want to wash your feet every day. But otherwise, why bother?
hahahaha! Yeah! I never do that. I might not ever wash my feet again!
I have to say: you sure do have a way of lending humor to just about any situation, from what I can see! I am glad I’ve started visiting more regularly! I am not disappointed. . . (& for the record, if I worked with someone like that, I would probably just tell him to shut the fuck up too! LOL)
Thank you so much! And if I had a time machine, that is one of the things I would do. Go back in time and tell him to shut the fuck up
I think he WANTED you! Picturing you in the shower, washing your feet and getting rid of boogers! What a jerk! (Not about wanting you….just his means of being in your space.) He must not have had enough to do. Please tell me that in this new position your supervisor is at least courteous. Oh to hear these stories in person. I will be with you in spirit in Indiana. Waiting for the next post!
Thank you, Bev. And yes..people here are very nice and respectful. I can’t tell you how much more pleasant the environment is for me!
I will make sure you get a link! Very excited about that.
It’s been 20+ years…surely DD had either mended his ways or has been stabbed in the neck by now. (I actually worked with a guy who was such an ass to the the folks out on the shop floor that one day they stabbed him. For real. They didn’t kill him, but they sure did shank his ass. He retired after that.)
Who even does that shit? Wait, I know, I know…there’s always someone. I’m an engineer and work with other engineers. I believe that AT MINIMUM 90% of the engineering community has some sort of low-level Asperger’s…as a whole we are quirky and at our worst, we are socially retarded.
My own personal horror story can be read here: http://psb1969.blogspot.com/2013/10/phil.html
ohhh..THANK YOU for the link! I can’t wait to read it!
To clarify….my horror story is about a socailly crude co-worker who farted. A. Lot.
The stabbing story…I didn’t have a personal dog in that fight. This was a manager that was fine to other office folk (salaried) but treated the hourly, union shop workers like they were sub-human. One day he went on his daily shop walk-about to sneer, berate and look down his nose at the workers who actually MADE the things we sold in order for HIM to have employment and one of them stabbed him. Ambulance came, everyone was like “What’s going on?”
“Oh…shop guy stabbed Bob.”
“Eh. It was bound to happen.”
Hahahah…I mean..maybe I shouldn’t laugh..but if you behave in a certain manner..shit is gonna happen.
Havent worked with a Dweeby but I have worked dealership parts for over 30 years so its more innuendo. My brain will go sideways I wont say a word and still turn beet red. Guys would love to get me to do that. Then say what were you thinking. Not telling.
Good showering before bed and at least rinsing hair out. Cuts down on pollen in pillow that accumulates and ambushes you overnight. It actually helps especially since i have allergy eyes and meds dont really hep much nor drops sometimes.
How many times do your feet need to be washed in a shower. Body wash and shampoo. Only need to wash them everday is if you get grungy or exfoliating. JS