I’ve been reading a fuck ton of articles about aging and menopause. I like to think I’m getting good information that will help me continue to embrace my fifties. The truth is, half the time, I’m getting good information, the other half, I’m just annoyed, or in rare cases, depressed or anxious over what I read.
One theme I have picked up on in a number of these ‘I’m getting older and I’m fucking awesome/I’m getting older what the fuck happened’ articles, is turning invisible after 50.
First of all, I am not negating the feelings of any woman who feels like she’s become invisible and mourning the passing of her youthful looks. I am not minimizing the sadness a woman feels when she realizes that her days of frequently getting ‘checked out’ have ended. We feel the way we feel.
That being said, I have never felt invisible. I’m one hundred percent corporeal and there’s even more of me than when I was younger, so I have extra for others to see.
I’m not a fan of my own picture. I rarely post images of myself anywhere because I rarely find a photo I like. If I am invisible online, it’s by my choice, not because I’m aging. I wasn’t a fan of my own picture when I was young, either.
Recently, I posted a picture of myself. As is the case, I hated the picture, but it was taken with an old friend who I do not see often enough. I have known Toni since she was 15 and I was 18. We weren’t friends then, we were just in a wedding together. We didn’t become friends until many years later. Our lives took different directions and I don’t see her as much as I used to. Toni writes romance novels and was near my house for a book signing. You should click the link to her site and buy her books, she’s an amazing writer. Anyway, we took this picture together and I posted it. I’m still working on not cringing when I look at it. 
Randy and I talked about it. I told him it was a horrible picture and he said it was a great picture of both of us.
Me: I have coin face.
Randy: Coin face?
Me: Yes.
Randy: What the fuck is coin face?
Me: Something I just made up.
Randy:…
Me: It means my face looks like it should be stamped on a coin. I look like a dead president from a hundred years ago and not even their regular face. I look like their image stamped on a coin.
Randy:…
Randy: You don’t look like Woodrow Wilson.
Me: I don’t even know what he looks like.
Randy: He was president a hundred years ago.
Me: Fine, from two hundred years ago, then.
Randy: You don’t look like James Monroe, either.
Me: I’m happy for you when you can put that history degree to good use.
I might not like my picture, but I don’t feel invisible. I have substance. I mean, all the boys don’t come to my yard, but really all the boys never did.
I attracted my share of attention when I was young. I was never the uber hot girl, but I rarely had to buy my own drinks at the club.
I’m going to digress here. I am so fucking happy that I was born in the sixties. That means I was just the right age for dance clubs in the eighties. Dance clubs were the shit. This was back when Cincinnati still had a ‘2nd Street’ and not a ‘Pete Rose Way’. 2nd Street is where the good bars were. I loved Porky’s and the Glass Menagerie. We also had The Crystal Parrot, La Boom and Caddies to choose from. Also, anyone who reads this and remembers these places? I know they weren’t all on second street and in some cases, were in an entirely different state. I just didn’t feel like we had to delve into the geography too much.
The point is, I could go to the clubs and sweat my ass off dancing to Billy Idol and Modern English and drink for free.
If the clubs were still open today? Well, I remember the last time I ever went to a dance club, I was 26 years old. I felt like a grandma. I felt out of place and old. At 26. I can’t even imagine what it would be like now. Probably more fun than when I was 26.
I’d be buying my own drinks now. I’m good with that. I don’t want that type of attention anymore. That doesn’t mean I’m invisible. So, the thirty-something guy with the muscles and the Jake Gyllenhaal eyes doesn’t notice me? Who cares? That doesn’t detract from my substance at all.
Yesterday morning we were at the grocery obscenely early because my husband is a freak and never sleeps in on the weekend.
I was trying to get to the red peppers and a young guy working there had them blocked, so I asked if I could get by.
He gave me a look that said “Lady, your very existence annoys the shit out of me”. Then he started singing Rock And Roll All Night by Kiss. It was an odd moment.
I thought, for a moment, that maybe this is what those articles were talking about. I have reached an age where a young man will no longer try to impress me, so instead I get dismissed. And apparently, serenaded.
Nope. This isn’t new. I’ve dealt with this jackass in one form or another since I was in Junior High. I’m not invisible because I’m old. That guy is just a dick.
I’m learning that there are adjustments that need to be made as I get older. Mostly, these adjustments have been freeing and fun. Accepting that I don’t look young anymore? Well, I dug my heels in at 40. I didn’t want it to happen. Now? Bring it on. Randy tells me I’m gorgeous every single day. What’s not to love about that?
I’m not invisible.
That would be kind of a cool super power, though. Although, if I had it, I’d just use my invisibility to fuck with people. I think it’s best for everyone if I just stay visible. .
It IS a great pic! 🙂 And thank you for all your insight and research, I’m taking notes. I’m not too far behind you and I’m noticing “changes” as well. Now as for accepting these changes gracefully? The jury is still out!
Thank you so much!!!
Aptly timed as I just saw my side profile in a baby cam and it was a bit shocking… The baby cam was not mine, by the way.
Yeah…I feel that way whenever I see a picture of myself. The mirror doesn’t look like that.
I love that pic! I am perplexed by the grocery store guy. I always seemed to buy my own drinks and I was in the dance clubs too? What does that say about me?? Must. Write? Own. Post.
Yay!!! Do it! I wanna see that post.
I was perplexed as well. It was very odd.
Thank you for the pic. It is lovely to have a face to put with the voice. No. You’re not invisible. Or a dead president. And give Randy a hug from me… Not for the ridiculous getting up early thing… For reminding his wife she’s gorgeous… That’s a big part of what keeps you visible… I faded into oblivion years ago.
I am sorry to hear that. 🙁
And Randy is very sweet. That doesn’t mean, I”m gonna stop hanging shit on him, though….hahaha
Coin face. Don’t I LOVE that? I know exactly what y ou mean. But you don’t have one. And you seem pretty visible to me, but I do agree on what a neat power invisibility would be.
Right? I was very proud of coin face!
These days I’m glad I hate the way I look in pictures as it keeps me from participating in the “selfie” frenzy. I think you look great in that picture, though. I agree with you- as long as my husband continues to tell me how beautiful I am that’s all I need. Also, Randy rocks (both for being history dude and awesome hubby dude)!
Hahah…yeah…I don’t do selfies.
When Doc and I were still together, we were in Washington DC visiting the two girls and grandbaby that live there. I was looking through the pictures afterwards and there was one with everyone sitting on a oversized curb outside of a museum, waiting for it to open. I noticed there was an old, hunched man sitting next to Doc and I was all “Who is that random old man and why is he inappropriately close to my family?” Then I took another look and realized it was me. Needless to say, try to remember to sit up straight and don’t wear my hair in a ponytail much these days.
One time I saw a fat girl in a full length mirror and TOTALLY judged her outfit before realizing I was looking at myself.
Oh, Michelle. As I write this it’s 730 a.m. on a snow day and I am soaking my aching body in hot water. I think that is one reason I’m struggling with 35-because I feel 80! Even though I’m not 50, I can relate and I love you for posting these.
I hope you feel better soon, sister…I am pulling for you. and thank you!
It’s a lovely picture. But I understand what you mean. I didn’t like any pictures of myself. Until recently. Oddly enough, the older I get the better I like my pictures. Maybe it’s that acceptance thing people talk about.
I’m invisible to guys. By choice. It’s not an age thing, but a spiky aura thing. As in, I’ve had enough men so don’t even think of bothering me.
And the grocery store guy was a dick.
I am still waiting for the ‘liking pictures of myself’ years. I’m trying. Posting that picture was very hard.
I love your take on this! And I think the picture rocks! I would appreciate a coin with that non-Woodrow-Wilson pic! 🙂
Thank you!!!!
First of all, I love the expression ‘fuck ton’ as much as ‘shit ton’. And now you’ve come up with coin face – which is as interesting as resting bitch face. (You have neither, by the way). And I was just asking my daughter if they had an invisibility cloak at the Wizarding World of Harry Potter (she an actress at Universal Studios) because I could really use one….
Oh, and take it from one who is way beyond where you are in years – stop reading articles and just enjoy – damn, girl, you have a man that tells you you’re gorgeous every day! Bask in it!
Thank you! Ha…I mostly read the articles as inspiration for blog material.
Ha, if you have a coin face then so have I! That’s a great photo, but I know how it feels to dislike your own image and nothing anyone says to me changes my perception of that.
As for the amazing new invisibility super power, I’ve had that since I was in my mid 40s apparently. People walk through me or into me frequently as if I’m not there. If I want to be noticed I have to get loud which I’d rather not, unless I’m on stage and doing my thang.
I am aware that men of my age group are too busy ogling the girls that are young enough to be their daughters and certainly never see me.
I guess being just me from now on will have to be enough and I think I’m good with that.
Just wait…we’ll be on real money one day!!!!
hahahaha
Well said!
And totally agree – how lucky were we to have those awesome dance clubs! When I feel my self esteem taking a dive I look back at Ladies Night at Tallaynia’s on the Landing – free amarreto sours as far as the eye can see! But I also look around at where I am in life right now and I would never trade today!
I wouldn’t change it, either. I am so digging RIGHT NOW.
I love the picture for 2 reasons. 1.) It is a really good picture and 2.)I’ve always wanted to see what you looked like and you NEVER put pictures up of yourself. I’m curious because I swear we have been living in an alternate universe for so many, many years. I wish I would have found you when I lived in that area instead of waiting until moving 400 miles away. I loved these places (although I wasn’t born until 1970 but had a fake ID from the time I was 16 so I got in everywhere anyway!). I hadn’t thought of those old places in years! Such great times to be had back then but I definitely wouldn’t want to go back…to exhausting. Partying until 3 or 4 in the morning and still being able to make it to work the next day, no way! Your Randy even sounds just like my Patrick it’s sometimes so fucking weird! (My first hubby and my son are named Randy). I really hope we get time to sit down and bullshit with each other in Nashville. On a side note I signed up to get your posts by email because I don’t always go to the threads but hate to miss them but I still wasn’t getting them. I signed up again today and I will let you know if I start receiving them!
Not too much longer! And hell yes we’re gonna spend some time together at BAM!
I love your face Michelle and love how you are tackling all the bullshit out there about women and aging. I just went dancing at an 80s club and loved it 🙂 also, I have the same aversion to pictures. I wonder if it comes from being raised by narcissists? xo
I think it does, Kara..I really do think it has to do with my childhood.
And THANK YOU!
Also raised by narcissists, also find it really hard to do the photo thing.
Just found your blog, and posting to say I like your face, and you look perfectly nice.
Thank you!! Thank you so much!
I’ve been thinking about this article for the past half hour and considering what I want to say. This is more of a dissertation than a blog comment, but I want to say it because, well, FUCK THAT.
Like 99% of the women in our society, I’ve spent most of my life struggling with feeling ugly, wanting to lose weight, and yo-yo dieting. “But I’m not really yo-yo dieting,” I’d tell myself, “because that’s what other people do, not me.”
Right.
So after having my daughter six months ago, I decided to wait awhile before losing weight. I had hoped that breastfeeding would take the weight off magically for me, but it didn’t, and then I stopped breastfeeding early, which is a whole other heart-wrenching subject. But once I stopped, I realized I had no more excuse not to work on losing my weight.
But boy, did I not want to. I’m so sick of dieting, so sick of it, SO SICK of it.
One of my relatives recommended a book called Intuitive Eating, and it changed my life. I won’t go into details except to say that if you or anyone you know struggles with their weight, read it. You don’t need to diet. Your body will do the work for you, if you just step back and let it. Then I read a book the author recommended, called Health At Every Size, and I realized something.
There are three kinds of people in this world that want me to believe that I’m ugly, fat, and worthless because I’m ugly and fat:
1) Companies that want to sell me shit,
2) Younger people who don’t know their ass from a hole in the ground, and
3) Older people who have bought into the propaganda put out by #1 and #2.
Companies are invested, literally, in making you and I feel like we need to buy their weight loss pill, buy the gunk to put on our face, buy the cleanse products, the makeup, the tailored clothes. Because if we all woke up one day and said, “Wait a minute, I’m fine the way I am,” they would lose billions of dollars. BILLIONS.
Now, I’ve heard that argument before, but goddamn it. It’s true. And it’s time we all started realizing it. Because it’s not as simple as that. If it stopped at us going out and blowing a couple hundred bucks on cosmetics a month or a couple thousand on cosmetic surgery, that would be, well, a waste, but whatever. Instead, it’s insidious. It worms our way into our minds. It makes a funny, talented, gloriously grounded woman like yourself think she needs to hide.
I’ve heard women say before (especially “larger” women) that they’ve finally “accepted” their bodies. But that’s not what I’ve done. No, I haven’t accepted anything. I’ve REJECTED society’s fucked-up way of looking at things.
So what if I’m ugly? Get over it. So what if I’m fat? Get over it. (And if you’re worried about the affects of obesity on your health, I really would encourage you to read Health At Any Size because it debunks a lot of commonly held myths using medical studies and science and shit.) So what if I’m not young anymore or don’t have a bikini body? GET. OVER. IT.
That is said to groups #2 & #3 lovingly, of course, because I used to be one of the younger people who didn’t know my ass from a hole in the ground.
Looking back on my body then and my body now, after the ravages of childbirth, I realized how close to the image of perfection I was. Yet I didn’t appreciate it. I bemoaned the microscopic bulge of fat at my waistline and wished I was prettier so I could impress some now thrice-divorced asshole in my graduating class. I had NO idea how good I looked, and so the question is: when is it going to stop? My body is steadily declining. It’s never going to look this good again, and with the stretch marks and baby bulge, I’m never going to be asked to pose nude for Playboy. So should I just keep slipping into a deeper and deeper depression over it until I decide that at 80 years old, I should go pre-bury myself so no one should have to look at me?
Ridiculous. As if the notion that youth and beauty are everything.
I don’t know why it all clicked for me, but it finally did one day. It’s not like I’m going to start wearing sweatpants and forego makeup and “let myself go.” Instead, I realized that society is wrong because I’m fine the way I am, and THAT’S why I’m taking care of myself.
Fuck what society says to you. They’re wrong. What you look like doesn’t matter, not one bit, and besides that, you LOOK LIKE SOMEONE I WOULD WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH. Not some Kim Kardashian/Paris Hilton mash-up who’s stuck on herself and her gym attendance and the latest treatment of Botox.
I know it’s not like a switch you can flip, but I hope that some of my thoughts help. Sorry for the verbosity. I just can’t help myself sometimes.
You are so right! I am so glad you posted your thoughts. I’m going to try to look at myself in a different way and realize that I don’t have to accept society’s ideals of perfection and just be the best “me” I can be. I’m going to work on that even though my husband is critical of me instead of supportive. Wish me luck!
OMG…I love this so much! And never apologize..I loved reading this! YOU ROCK!
Brilliant!!!!
1. You look fucking hot in leopard.
2. I love your confidence.
3. 50 is the new 40.
4. I agree. I’ve never felt invisible either. I make sure of that!
5. Have you seen Madonna lately? WOW.
6. Women who talk about old age pisses me off. I hang out with young minds.
7. When young boys see me at the grocery store, they usually ask, “Are you Alex’s Mom?!!”
8. Just tweeted this!
xx
HAHHAHA…That’s my friend, Toni in the Leopard print..I’m the other one.
You. Are. Adorable!!
I think it’s a big relief to be 53 years old. I worked so hard to look good and get noticed for so many years, and now I seriously don’t care. Like you, my husband thinks I’m gorgeous and that’s really all that matters to me at this point in my life.
Yes!!! It’s great to be appreciated.
Love it! I also don’t feel invisible. Here is to the over-50 non-invisibles. 😀
Yes! Here’s to us!
Look, would you get out of my brain please? 🙂
I can’t say whether that’s a good picture of you or not, since I’ve never met you in person, but I have exactly the same problem: I rarely find pictures of myself that match the “me” that I perceive from inside, if that makes any sense. Sometimes I’ll actually fail to recognize myself in a shot, until someone points me out. And this isn’t a new thing–it’s been that way since I was a teen.
Also, suggestion: if anyone else ever breaks into a spontaneous rendition of Kiss, try joining in. They’ll either think you’re totes awesome, or they’ll think you’re deranged and get the fuck out of your way.
But it’s so warm and cozy in your brain…..
Saying you have a “coin face” reminds me of a joke Paula Poundstone made about going to England. She was there just as a tourist and said she didn’t meet the Queen, but imagined the Queen asking her, “What do you think of my face on the pound? Too serious?” As a fan I should know how old Poundstone is, but I don’t. I think she’s at least fifty, though, and she’s not invisible. Why? Because she’s smart and fucking funny.
Meryl Streep, Glenn Close, Sigourney Weaver. These are women who still get respect and work even though that jerk in the grocery store won’t move out of the way for them either. You’re several decades away from Betty White and Maggie Smith. They can’t get to the peppers either, by the way.
If you have to buy your own drinks it’s because you’re not recognized, and that’s okay if that’s what you want. I will say it’s nice to finally put a face to the words.
Thank you! And I remember that bit by Paula Poundstone. 🙂
Hi-Will have to read this post after work when I get time. Just thought you’d like to know that your Huffpost story about what not to wear after 50 shows up as the first story in the “spotlight” area of Google’s news feed. Of course…..maybe the damn thing is tailored to me, somehow, because I clicked on that article, or whatever reason. Or maybe not, maybe it’s just that popular. Just thought you’d like to know in case you already didn’t. Now, bleah, back to work for the afternoon.
oh wow!!! Thanks for that!!!
I absolutely love you Darlin’. Now I don’t feel invisible, just cranky from a midnight hot flash that could have heated the house. Too bad this can’t be harnessed for energy. Older ladies could light up the world. But hey, you doing that in your own way. Keep writing!
Thank you!!! And hot flashes as assholes.
Great post! I live with a history buff as well who also tells me how beautiful I am. I keep thinking it’s because of his interest in “the past” I only WISH I was invisible. I honor where you are with your self acceptance. I’m not there yet and 50 has nothing to do with it – life long demon. Not sure from whence it came or when it will go but I hold out hope. My friend told me recently that the most liberating day of her life was when she could stop asking “does this make me look fat?” because she knew the answer would always be yes. 🙂
I stopped asking that question as well…what’s the point?
P.S. Your pic is lovely!
Thanks! I still don’t like to look at it..but I am REALLY bad at seeing my own pictures.
Michelle, I love this post. Thank you for sharing. BTW, you look awesome and definitely do NOT have a coin face! Your husband Randy is sweet-does he give lessons in how to treat a wife? My husband is very critical and rarely, if ever has anything nice or positive to say to me. He makes me feel like I’m never good enough and everything I do is wrong. If it weren’t for my kids and friends, I would have totally lost it by now.
I really hate to hear that. We all deserve to be treated like royalty.
And thank you so much for reading.
To sum it up succintly: Women invest effort to take up LESS space in the world; men, to take up more. Odd eh? When are you being minted? I’ll take some of those bills for sure!
Hahahaah….I want to be on the BILLION DOLLAR BILL.
I remember this great scene from Six Feet Under….Kathy Bates and Frances Conroy were in a department store, and the Kathy character stole a lipstick. She said that as a 50 something woman you’re invisible, so no one even notices you. I was in my late 30s when I saw it, but I always remembered it, and now that I’m 52 I know exactly what she meant. Nice way to use society’s disinterest in anyone over forty to your advantage!
I do sometimes miss the attention from men, but I also remember what a burden it could be. I now watch men look at my teenaged daughter and it makes me feel very protective of her and reminds me how vulnerable I used to feel. It’s nice now that when a man show interest in me it’s because he is actually interested in ME–not just wondering what I’d look like naked.
I never thought of using my age as a start to a life of crime…hmmmmm……
Some wisdom I got from a monk I once partied with: Even when you’re old, and they’re old, they still LOOK GOOD. I certainly hope all of the 50 year old women haven’t become invisible, as I’m looking forward to seeing them again after my eye surgery on Thursday.
That’s this Thursday!! Oh…good luck! I will be thinking of you. I can’t wait to hear how it goes.
Atta girl. We’re not invisible, and you’re right; people are sometimes just assholes. It has nothing to do with us. I just turned 50 and I’ve been kicking around the idea of writing about it, but haven’t put the words together yet. I don’t plan on writing about being invisible, because I feel like things at 50 are going pretty well. Finally. And I think at 50 we finally feel good in our own skin, we know how to get shit done, we don’t care as much about what other people think and we just do our own thang, you know? And btw, I feel you on the picture thing. I hate how I look in pictures. I rock the constant bitchy resting face. 😉
Thank you, Linda! You are awesome.
Like others have said, I am so happy to have a face to put with you, this awesome blogger, that I love.
I am almost 60, and I don’t feel invisible, I think because I am a bit of a flirt…..
it is all a state of mind, and body!
But I agree with you being invisible would be an awesome super hero ability. That and flying!
But I digress.
What I really want to say is, when I saw your picture I thought – I could totally be friends with that face.
Totally!
🙂 THAT made me smile. Thank you, sugar pop!!
I hate pictures of myself too…the picture I have in my HEAD of what I look like is at least 15 years and 50 pounds ago.
You look lovely…I would like to see a picture of you smiling though!
That’s what Toni said!!! I needed to smile. I suck at pictures. Hahahaha.
At 52 I am now more alive and more noticeable then I have ever been none of this become invisible after turning 50 I have found with age I have found my voice and know more who I am the older I get
Me too! I love finding my voice. I’m still very hard on myself over my physical appearance, but I’m working on it…It’s decades of damage, it will take a while to undo.
I have felt invisible since I was 50. I am now 71. I never thought of it as a negative thing. I see it as a situation where we are more comfortable in our skin and less judgmental of others. Likewise, others generally treat us with more respect and are less judgmental of us because of the stage of life that we are going through. Of course there are some assholes out there that are rude to everyone. But in general, as we get older, I think we are treated more like aunts and mothers and grandmothers. Rather than hot young chicks they want to see naked. That’s just my opinion. I’ve earned these wrinkles and hot flashes and other stuff. Love your blog.
Thank you so much!!! So far, I am loving this stage. It feels good to not feel on display.
I can totally relate. I don’t like taking pictures either. But remember this, comparison is the theft of joy! Good old Theodore Roosevelt said that and boy was he ever right. I’,m done comparing myself to anyone. Loved the post…it was brutally honest!
This resonated with me. Thank you so much. I’m working so hard at the ‘comparison’ thing. I needed this reminder.
You know what’s worse??? When the hot young stud in the grocery aisle is in your way and you say “excuse me, can I get to those peppers?” and he says, “Oh, yes, ma’am, I am so sorry.” Ma’am! Ugh! I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be called “Ma’am” unless it is preceded by a “Wham” a “Bam” and a “Thank You”.
HAHAHAHA…Ma’am doesn’t bother me. I think it did a long time ago..but not anymore.
Hi, I’m Katnap, and it’s been 18 months since my last catcall.
Bahaha! Who gives a shit, right? Several years ago, my oldest sister, who turns 60 this year, talked about being invisible. I remember feeling confused. Was she kidding? Now I get it. But when you think back, how many of those guys did you really want to meet? Yup. Not many. So why did it matter? Ego. I also remember that same sister expressing impatience, disinterest, and annoyance with so many of those little things that we “of a certain age” USED to let bother us. It’s kinda like a switch flips, and you suddenly hear yourself say, “aw, fuck it I got other shit to take care of” and not so much in a mean, uncaring way (well, sometimes) but in a “I’m done letting it get into my head” way. Kinda freeing, huh? Oh Michelle, I’ve always hated to see myself in photos too. “Coin face” made me laugh. My coin face looks like some bad counterfeit! (Is it coincidence that I share a bday with George W?) You nail it with every post. So, so, so enjoy reading! & thanks for the pic. I looked at you and thought, “ah, SHE’S the one who gets it” 🙂 And all that matters is that we’re not invisible to the people who matter to us.
Thank you so much for this! I’m glad you liked coin face. Randy didn’t so much, but I knew there would be some people who understood EXACTLY what I was saying.
And yes, it’s extremely freeing. I love it.
Yeah, I think it’s definitely a good idea if you stay visible. Especially for Randy!
I don’t know how I feel about this aging thing. I still fight it because I certainly don’t FEEL almost 47 on the inside and I often look in the mirror and wonder who the fuck I’m looking at. When did that wrinkle show up? And what’s with my mother’s hands at the end of my arms? But that’s about it for me. I stopped caring about men doing double takes a while back. I wouldn’t notice if they did anymore anyway. My kids think I’m beautiful (unless I’m yelling, then I apparently look like Wolverine) so I just go with it.
I remember the dance clubs of the 80s! They were the best…and it was in the days before they checked IDs! Oh, the memories……
It’s not like I don’t do what I can to look nice. I do…although, I don’t dye my hair anymore…My hands look old now too..I care some of the time and wish they weren’t all wrinkly…but then I remind myself that they still work and they’ve served me well for many years. I mean, without them, I’d never be able to hold a shot glass.
I am very confused. You think your face looks like it should be stamped on a coin but somehow you also think that is a bad thing? I would love to have a coin face!
On Saturday we had a freak warm day – Wal-Mart was full of people wearing summer clothing and buying supplies for the ice storm we got last night. I was wearing a sleeveless shirt and I was in the vegetable aisle buying corn when I heard a voice say “THAT is a nice tattoo!” It took about two seconds for it to sink in that the voice was talking to me – because at this point I expect to be invisible and I am fine with that. I looked around and found myself face to face with Sean Penn from 1982. It was a very odd moment.
Time travel in Walmart is always a surreal experience.
Ive been thinking a lot lot about this as well and IM WITH SHARON.
It feels like a relief at 46 🙂
I’m finding a lot more serenity as I age. Serenity skipped just out of my reach for decades.
I haven’t hit 40 yet and I still don’t have perfectly coifed eyebrows like you do. Rock on, sister! And it’s nice to put a face to your writing 🙂
HAHAHA..I just trim them..and the gray wiry ones aren’t showing in the picture.
Oh..wait. I meant..THANKS!
I have spent the last 10 years trying to forget how old I actually am. Because if I don’t know without having to do math, I don’t have to think about it or worry about whether what I am doing or how I look is “appropriate” for my age. People think I’m crazy because I won’t tell my age, but it works for me.
That is, until my lovely sister TEXTED my age to me on my birthday this year. I couldn’t even respond. Because NOW I KNOW. Grrr…
Invisibility is not defined by age, but by … I started to say attitude, but I don’t even think that is right. I have the ability to become completely invisible, sometimes even when I don’t want to, and have always had that ability.
Something has happened in the last year or so though. I find that I’m okay with it. It’s who I am. I didn’t have a slow come-apart starting at Thanksgiving and spiraling through New Year’s and dragging on through Valentine’s Day. They are just days. (I’m not sure, but I think the homemade egg nog helped with Christmas. winkwink) Somewhere along the way I have come to terms with myself, my life, and my outlook on both. And I’m okay with that.
Awesome! This is awesome!!!
Aaannnddd I just realized how rambly and kind of disconnected that comment was. But I’m okay with that, too…
I totally followed it just find. I didn’t think it was rambly..of course, I’m rambly..so maybe it is.
Either way..don’t care! It was awesome
I hear you. I feel like I’m…fading. Not quite invisible yet, but getting there. (Especially when I drive, because WTF people, but that’s a whole other topic).
I have daughters, so it has begun to be that time of my life, when a handsome younger man takes a second look, I realize he’s looking at THEM. Not me. ow Even though I’m happily married to a man who finds me immensely sexy…still. There’s that “ow” moment. Where we realize we’re “that older lady”…
I have learned to shrug it off, though, with the knowledge that now I can wear teal flats and leggings and a ZZ Top t-shirt and no make-up, and NO ONE CAN DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT BECAUSE I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU THINK MAUAHAHAHA.
*flips off entire younger world*
Welcome to the invisibility shield. It’s (kind of) awesome back here.
HAHAHAHAAH…I love you so much. I really truly do. And I am RIGHT NEXT TO YOU..with both middle fingers extended.
Oh yes. Both fingers- LOLOL I am still laughing at this mental image!
I’m used to being the wallflower at clubs while my way hotter friends get stalked on the dancefloor. Invisibility IS cool – I’d use it at work to sneak around and correct everyone’s grammatically nightmarish emails, to file all the shit on my desk in solitude and to make that Jar Jar Bitch-face I work with think she’s losing her mind. That would be fun since lately I feel on the verge of a nervous breakdown every time I scan in. :/
I hope you find something new…I really do….
At the end of this year I turn 45. I was never ‘cool’, I never was able to ‘fit’ with any group when I was a teen. Even now, I swear like a trashy bar troll but have the intellect of someone far higher up the social ladder. I’ll talk trashy and then turn around and read Discover Magazine.
At almost 45 I don’t care anymore. I am who I am and I happen to be very internal at the moment. Focused on myself, my home, my family, my children (actually young adults now), my pets. For now, I have achieved a level of contentment that has escaped me for most of the preceding 44 years.
Am I invisible? Probably, but I really don’t give a fuck if I am and kind of prefer it that way, because people who know me and love me see me, and they’re the only ones who matter to me right now.
I love this. I love to hear when people live according to who they are without concern to conforming to what other’s think we should be.
Michelle, will you be my new best friend??? It is like you are living in my head. But be glad you’re not, it’s always a mess in there! XXOO
It’s a mess in mine as well…we’d be suited for each other.
I absolutely love this introspection you have been doing, and writing about! Every post I’m always “yes, me too!” I love your term coin face, but disagree that you have one. Thanks for sharing a pic so we can picture you as we read…
I share many of these feelings, although I guess I don’t mind photos since I seem to post a lot of them…and as far as being invisible, I have heard that from women too, but I’ll be damned if I am getting quieter and less noticeable as I age. Hell, I think I am getting louder and more rowdy! 😀
And thank God for hubs like Randy and mine…they appreciate us and aren’t afraid to say so!
Awwww..thank you so much! I appreciate this. I am glad you are connecting with what I’m writing.
Damn. I don’t know how I lucked out and found you today, Michelle. I think I ended up on Huffpo via some tweet about something else and your ‘What Not To Wear…’ post caught my eye. Plus, your commenters!!! I love you all. I hadn’t even thought of the invisibility as a superpower, yet. I think I’m in your tribe.
Yay! Welcome, my sister..we are an awesome tribe!!!
I just commented on another of your blogs and that brought me to your website. Love. It. You are killing me AND reading my mind. I was suicidal when I turned 40 and by 50…was ready to rock and roll. I’m a life coach and retreat leader for woman and I will definitely be sharing you with them. The couple of posts I’ve read so far…I swear you’re reading my mind. I wanna be in your tribe too. LOL! We gotta stick together. And p.s. on the “mess in the head” comment…my husband says I have a gerbil running around on a wheel in there. When it falls off…look. out.! Michelle…thanks for being YOU!
I am so glad you are here! Thank you for sharing!
I love this tribe….it’s an awesome tribe. 🙂
Being invisible makes shoplifting a whole lot easier.
Very very good point!! 🙂
Coin face – haha! What’s annoying to me is that I spent many years trying to be invisible and fly under the radar and now that I’m in my 40s, I’m starting to care about looking older and how people perceive me. I’m embarrassed to admit it because it’s such a self-indulgent problem. I’ve been married for almost 20 years and by the way he still chases me around I’m clearly not invisible to him! But I had a depressing moment recently where I looked at two men sitting in a restaurant and realized that the one in his 60s might see me as a hot younger chick but the guy in his 30s would see me as his mom. But then I got carded at Target (they card everyone) and the young male cashier looked at me and said, “Niiiiice.” I thought, stop looking at me like that you sex crazed hooligan! There’s simply no pleasing me. 😉
I get that…I really do…
um, Randy looks like someone your second husband would have liked.
Did you mean Toni?
We are the same age. 1963 baby. And luckily, I have a 100 dollar bill face. Which means, as long as I have 100 dollar bills, I can look like the old man from Poltergeist and women still have sex with me. Is it horrible and shallow and am I just being used? Absolutely. Do I give a fuck? Hell No… Good material for an article
This is awesome..and 1963 was a good year.. 🙂
Invisibility–yes! Makes me realize how much society conditions us to be seen as pretty objects:).
It is both sad and disturbing.
I love your face. I saw it on the video you posted last year. The one that made me laugh out loud and prompted my husband to ask me what was so funny. Yea, that face. The face of an intellectually curious, smart, compassionate and funny woman.
Don’t get me started on invisibility. I wanted to start a blog called Fat, Fifty and Flatulent. I should have, but thought I should devote myself to more serious endeavors. Ha.
And being invisible after 55 doesn’t always mean not getting noticed for your looks, but for your status, your power and your potential. Women over 55 have the toughest time in the job market. As a FORMER member of the journalism profession, I have seen my share of layoffs and job scarcity. I have seen colleagues shown the door when they hit the magic age. I had a publisher tell me he doesn’t hire “older people.” He was 36 and inherited the position.
Shit, now I am getting pissed off when I only signed in to let you know that I agree with Randy.
Randy will be happy! Haha. I’m lucky in that the work I do is easy for me to find. I might not always love it, but not many people still do the programming I do.