I am jealous of Alfie and Gertie. The kitties are lucky.
Not because we keep them prisoners in our house, make them poop in boxes, and eat from bowls on the floor.
They’re lucky because their response to nearly everything is to walk away and show their butthole.
This simple gesture says so much.
Wouldn’t be awesome if that were a reasonable response from humans?
Not mooning people, but actually showing buttholes.
By awesome, I obviously mean horrifying and you should definitely not allow any visuals to form in your brain. I’m serious. Don’t think
about your high school gym teacher or Sister Bertrille or that dude down the street who sits on his front lawn without a shirt while holding a fly swatter.
It would get the point across, though.
PTA mom talking smack about you to the other moms?
Show her your butthole.
Your boss being an unrealistic bag of dicks?
Show them your butthole.
Neighbor lets his dog shit in your yard again for the millionth time.
Show him your butthole.
Some woman leaves shitty, shrill pro-orange psycho puff comments all over one of your blog’s FB posts?
Show her your butthole.
See? Perfect response in all cases.
The scenarios in which appropriately showing one’s butthole are endless. Or, from another perspective, never appropriate. Or at least rarely. I guess it’s totally appropriate when visiting your butt doctor.
I guess an argument could be made that showing people your butthole would be an emotionally immature way to express displeasure.
I contend an equally strong argument would be that showing your butthole solidly serves a purpose. No way could the gesture be misconstrued. If someone shows you their butthole, they’re probably not asking you out for coffee.
Oh god, there would be a percentage of people who would actually like this, wouldn’t there? That’s super disturbing. But not disturbing enough for me to stop writing this post.
Speaking of kitty buttholes. There is a sentence I never thought I’d write.
I saw a product for sale for kitties. It’s a charm that you put over their tail, down to the base, and the charm dangles in front of their butthole so that you don’t have to see it.
Personally, I am of the opinion if you are offended by your cat’s butt, then maybe you should get a goldfish.
I visualized a goldfish charm that the cat would forever try to chase or eat. Far too early in the morning for that visual.
Yes, it IS too early for that. Funny, though
Alfie and Gertie are beautiful!
Also, I wanna know why life can’t be that uncomplicated. Dammit!
Right? And thank you! I love them so much. Haha. We both do, we’re goobers.
Maybe pack a picture of a butthole and instead of giving the finger, flash the butthole picture.
Equally offensive. Less humiliating. I have long since passed the day when my butthole was anything but an embarrassment.
I mean, I haven’t checked in awhile… but, if my boobs are any ‘comparison fodder’ for the across-the-board aging factor….
Oy. A picture is worth a thousand words, and in this case, a thousand ‘butthole-you’s.’
And I love the idea of the officially done conversation with a final butthole exit.
😀
And Alfie and Gertie have done a very good job at converting the Combs’…
Suckers 😉
oh god..we’re done. Yeah, they’ve done us in
Okay, I do love the idea of the picture. I think we’d get into less trouble with that.
Seriously, that’s a product!?!? Gee why don’t they add add a nice flowery scent to it too, while they’re at it! I suppose they have this product for Dogs 2 (gagging sound) makes me feel ill, how unnatural.
I know! It’s bizarre to me. And I can’t imagine the cats like it. Who wants something bouncing of their buttholes?
Your cats are adorable. I always strive to be more cat like and walking away with attitude is always a wise move.My 2 cats are long hair so less visible buttholes but the attitude and tail flicking are omnipresent.
Thank you! Gertie (the tabby) is a little more furry, but Alfie’s is on full display all the time. haha
Kurt Vonnegut used a modified asterisk as a representation of an asshole, and Frank Zappa wrote a song called “Broken Hearts are for Assholes”, so my friend Jack named his early eighties band after that song. Wanting to actually, you know, get gigs in clubs, he officially called the band “R4” and the logo was a heart shape with a crack through the middle, R4, and then a big asterisk. They toured all over the northwestern US and Alaska before the inevitable implosion.
I still have a sticker with that logo somewhere.
And Molly Ivins told a wonderful story about feeling conflicted over a Klan march in Austin: As a first amendment defender, she believed in their right to express themselves with “whatever vicious drivel they had to say” but they were the goddamn Klan, and they wanted to march down the street in her city.
As she told it, there weren’t enough klukkers for a good march in Austin, so they had to bus them in from Waco and elsewhere, and the buses rolled up, and down the stairs came the klukkers with little pointed hoods on their little pointed heads, and as they started off down the street, the crowds on the sidewalks mooned them as they passed.
She said it was a visually interesting effect, rather like “the wave” at a football game.
I am in some trepidation over the idea of exposing my nether regions to potentially hostile people, but the cat seems to have no such anxiety…
I share your concerns and don’t know if I would actually put that into practice. But I would definitely moon the KKK
Male cats sometimes spray to mark their territory which makes me think showing their butthole isn’t always an expression of disdain. Sometimes it’s prologue to the feline equivalent of putting their name on something.
And that makes me think I should try that. The next time I’m out somewhere and some dickwad takes my seat and says, “I don’t see your name on it!” I’ll just say, “That’s my urine on it.”
That adds a whole new level to the saying that it’s better to be pissed off than pissed on.
HAHAH…I bet you don’t actually do this. If you do, make sure you tell us all about it.
Are you, by chance, Twitter friends with ImaTouchole2? Her profile pic, for the loooooooooongest time, was a modified “face” (the butthole of her dog, if I’m not mistaken). She’s a big fan, and probably already practices this art.
Re: cat butt charms – how does one keep something like that CLEAN? I mean, um… Nopity nope nope nope.
These are some great tips! I love it:)
Thank you!!