So, my phone made this weird noise I had never heard before.

What the fuck, smart phone? Why are you acting up?

Stephanie, from We Don’t Chew Glass, was calling me from Facebook messenger. I couldn’t imagine why Stephanie would call me, but as I adore her and her blog, I answered “hello”.

No answer.

I messaged her on Facebook to see what she wanted.

Little did I know how much was going on behind that phone call. Read her post. This is hilarious.

Anyway, short version of the story is that Stephanie thought I might have seen her twat.

Facebook is weird. In a way, I love that I’ve reconnected with people from a long time ago. Some of the people I looked forward to reconnecting with ended up being a non-event. Whatever relationship we had years ago, it’s definitely ashes now. Then, in other cases, I have connected with some people from high school and I have valued this weird electronic relationship we have. That sounds dirtier than it is. 

But I digress.

So, I read Stephanie’s post and Randy suggested writing a response to her post. I thought it sounded like a great idea.

Then, the universe gave me a gift in the form of Stephanie and I having another electronic misunderstanding.

Due to my fading eyesight, I can’t see shit without my drugstore readers. That doesn’t stop me from checking Facebook on my phone without my glasses, though.

So, I just finished telling Randy about Stephanie’s post and I saw I had a Facebook message. I read the message. Well, I kind of read it. I couldn’t really see it, I could see that the message was to Tara and Michelle, because the recipients were in larger font. The gist of the message seemed a little personal and dramatic. I truly thought that whoever sent it must have tagged the wrong Michelle.

So I responded: Wrong Michelle?

As it were, the person sending the message was Stephanie. Information I did not have because I am fucking blind and couldn’t read who the message was from. I also didn’t even see Stephanie’s original message, only the response from Tara, which out of context didn’t ring any bells with me.

Stephanie: WHAT? MICHELLE ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME AGAIN?

I didn’t answer right away because Randy and I were eating dinner. When I got back, Stephanie and Tara had a lengthy conversation and then Stephanie says: Where is Michelle?

Me: OMFG. I am here. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I explained to Stephanie what happened, how I didn’t clearly read the message and thought it was for someone else.

Me: I don’t know Tara and I’m not the only Michelle in the world.

Me: I am nearly certain that is true.

Tara: HEY! You know me.

Shit. Shit fuck. Yes, I DO know Tara for fuck’s sake.

Stephanie: omg. It’s like a repeat of yesterday only with clothes and assholes.

Me: HAHAHAAHAHAHAH.  Fucking hell, this is goddamn solid gold.
Stephanie: Now all we need is a Ouija board and both you buttholes saying, “IT WASN’T ME! I SWEAR!”

Me: I have tears. This is going to be a great post and you wrote the best lines. I LOVE IT WHEN IT IS EASY.

Stephanie: hahaha. whatever.

Tara: I love this entire convo with all of my cold little heart.

Stephanie: I’ll be back in a minute. I’d take my phone with me, but I’m worried I’d somehow send you guys a dick pic.

Me: This has seriously been the highlight of my week. Holy hell,

Me: I was going to say month, but I thought that would sound too needy.

Me: But it’s been the highlight of my month.
I swear, I wasn’t fucking with Stephanie either time.

I am not happy that Stephanie was freaked out by these incidents but I laughed until I cried and given the sorry state of this summer, I needed that laughter.

I wasn’t finished laughing, though.

Video keeps us in touch with our mountain friends. Although, our normal Friday night skype didn’t happen because Mountain Girl is sick. I called her to check in and see how she was doing. She sounded terrible.

She told me that she had a high fever all day and that she had fever dreams all afternoon. She told me I even made an appearance in her fever dream.

Me: I am honored to be included in your weird ass, psychedelic fever dream.

Mountain girl: Yeah. You were a lunch lady.

Goddamn, it feels good to laugh.

Between Stephanie and Mountain Girl, I had laughed enough to turn all wheezy. Randy and I had some cocktails and then attempted to put the fitted sheet on the bed. We get it wrong the first time, every time, but Friday night, because of tequila, we kept turning the sheet two turns instead of one and tried to put the sheet on wrong no less than five times.

Abbott and Costello have nothing on us.

I didn’t think we were going to be able to go to bed Friday night because we were both laughing too hard. Not that sheets are all that funny, but damn.