Between falling in holes and general life, things have been busy.
By busy, I mean stressful. Everything is fine. It always is.
We have four work days and then we’ll be heading the mountains of Tennessee. I’m leaving behind my fifties to experience life as a sexagenarian. I need this so bad. I can’t wait to get away and just chill for a few goddamn minutes.
You know, a chance to reflect. Looking back over life.
It’s weird, looking back over life. I’m grateful to have seen the changes I’ve seen. I’m horrified by others. Sometimes, it’s easier to focus on little things.
Like the other day when I had a conversation with a coworker. A thought occurred to me that this 2023 conversation would have been different in 1983.
My coworker walked in first thing in the morning, shoving her phone in her back pocket, and bitching about all the phone calls she was getting.
Coworker: My butt’s been blowing up.
Me: Haha. It’s way too early for that shit. It’s not even 8 a.m.
CW: Right?
That would have been so different 40 years ago.
CW: My butt’s been blowing up.
Me: Your what has been what?
CW: My butt’s been blowing up.
Me: Don’t tell people that.
Me: See a doctor.
Okay, perhaps I could go a bit deeper when it comes to self reflection.
It also might be a good idea to never write about any coworker’s butt, regardless of context.
Or, maybe I don’t need to worry about self reflection! My sister got me a desk calendar for Christmas and I’ve been just relying on that to tell me how to feel. It’s called “Make every day your bitch”.
Honestly, I’m not sure how I feel about it. I mean, first of all, it’s one of those pull the pages off by day kind of calendar. By mid-January, I had way too many bitches. No one needs that many bitches.
I was super unimpressed for the first few weeks. Most of the sayings were about chocolate or coffee or wine. Shit you’d see on a G rated greeting card that was trying real hard to be snarky.
Then one day, late in January, I pulled the previous day away and read this:
“What doesn’t kill you will fuck you up mentally” And I was like “Oh my god, calendar. You get me.”
Then, the calendar turned into a complete asshole. Last Friday, my calendar told me “Life is good, you should get one,”
Wait? What? Fuck you calendar, I do have a life. I have a better life than you. I mean, sure, we are both in a cubicle right now…but you’re just paper. Stupid calendar.
Pretty sure, the phrase on the box “make every day your bitch” wasn’t talking to me.
I hope you all are well. I hope my sixties are kind.
#YouGotThis!!
*hugs*
I hope you are nose-deep in the Tennessee mountain air and making this day your bitch <3
Well, I will try. We still have a few days to count down before we’re in Tennessee. I cannot WAIT.
It sounds like your sixties are going to be great. You’ve already got the right outlook.
Also I know we all need our ass kicked once in a while, and that’s what the calendar is trying to do, but I also think, especially when we reach a certain age, that we get a say in when exactly we need our ass kicked. You can go and kick someone’s ass because you think they need it but the danger is their ass just might explode.
Be careful on the ass kicking. As we get older, we’re more inclined to dislocate a hip. Hope your time with Mountain Girl gives you back some sass (like you were ever at a loss for that) and the clean, fresh air wipes away the cobwebs!
Hahaha thank you!!!
All we can do is take life one day at a time, slowly and painfully and hope we don’t fall and break things
This is very true.
My sixties are going OK so far. I have long agreed with your calendar about that stupid “What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger” bullshit which for years I have been responding to with “Polio, for example.”
I hope you have a good time in Tennessee.
It’s going to snow this week. The car won’t start. So today I have shit to do. Wish me luck, and I will wish you luck with your sixties, your life reflection and your coworker butt references.
He are in total agreement on the saying.
Whoa! That was a bit of a dark turn. Still, you made me laugh. That’s worth sumpin’, isn’t it?
Sometimes, laughing is everything
Here’s to taking all you’ve learned, shoving it all into your back pocket and stepping out into glorious sunshine…starting in Tennesee!
Thank you!!!
Always find your articles to be hilarious. If you guys get close to Knoxville give us a call
That would be amazing!
Wow. You could totally be my sister-from-another-mister. Not that you probably need one, but here I am. As a reader of Grand Magazine, one of your posts came to my attention. And then it whacked me over the head as I laughed, commiserated, and thought, where the hell have you been all my life??? Love your posts, love your sense of humor, and am now using your bitch calendar quote for the rest of my life (about what does not kill you…) because I KNEW there was more to it than just getting stronger when it didn’t kill me.
Enjoy the mountains but don’t let them take your spunk away. Because Kid, you got spunk.
Donna
I am so glad you are here!!!