My mother and I don’t talk on a specific schedule. We talk a few times a week at various times of the day. She usually doesn’t call on week days because I’m at work. Usually, I call her on my way home. She sometimes calls late on Saturday or Sunday mornings.
What she doesn’t do, is call on Saturday evenings. When I saw a call from my mom at 5:04 yesterday afternoon, I assumed the worse.
Me: Hey, mom.
Mom: Hey. So, something creepy just happened.
Me: “Call the police” creepy or run of the mill creepy?
Mom: Oh no. Just run of the mill.
I could tell she was out of sorts. Martha is fairly badass. Mostly, unflappable. Still strong like an ox. Not much is going to throw her off. I mean, except one thing.
Mom: You know that lilac bush by the deck in front of the kitchen window?
Me: Yeah?
Mom: There was a snake at eye level. Not a little one. It was probably at least 5 feet long.
Me: Oh, damn.
Me: Mom, you know that snakes are a sign of a healthy yard, right?
Mom: I don’t care.
Me: Mom, it’s going to be fine. It won’t hurt you. It’s just hanging out, doing it’s thing. No worries. If it comes back, just give it a name. Like Ethyl.
Mom: I am not there, Shell.
Me: Talk to it. Tell Ethyl your problems.
Mom: I’m not naming it.
Me: Okay, how about this? When you compare having a completely harmless snake in your lilac bush to all the other bullshit going on right now, it doesn’t seem so bad, right?
Mom: I feel so much better.
Me: Did you hear about Marjorie Taylor Green talking about “fragrant violations?”
Mom: Oh, dear god.
Me: Or how Bill Gates is growing fake meat in “peach tree” dishes?
Mom: You’re making that up.
Me: Nope.
Mom: I guess Ethyl can stay. I guess.
Me: Sign of a healthy yard.
Mom: I hate Ethyl.
I hope you are all staying safe.
When you put it like that, I guess I can deal with getting a tick on me practically every time I go out in my yard over what’s happening in the world right now. You stay safe out there too!
We are doing our best to stay safe!
This is the first time I’ve ever felt good about a snake. Ethyl. Well, maybe not that good.
Haha..yeah, I think Martha felt a LITTLE better by the end of our phone call, but not really.
I’m relieved your mother is okay and that Ethyl is okay.
I’d also offer my services as a snake remover if I could. I’ve moved snakes out of my neighbor’s garden several times. Well, probably the same snake more than once. Sign of a healthy yard.
I don’t LOVE snakes and I don’t think I could pick one up. But I am fine with letting them be.
OOOh… I’m not sure I could handle Ethyl either. But you’re nice to try and help your mom through her reptile crisis.
It’s what I do. I am quite fond of my mother.
My husband was mowing last week and came across a copperhead. I didn’t know he could still move that fast!
HAHA! Okay, that is kind of terrifying though
Yeah, in the grand scheme of things…
MY mom would have left her healthy yard AND her home by the end of this conversation… Just sayin’…
Hahah…yeah, kindred spirits.
Ever since I stepped on a snake as a child, I have been oddly fearful. It really doesn’t make sense. Maybe it’s a BIBLE THING!!!
Her brother dropped one in her lap when she was talking on the phone at about age 16. She’s been terrified since.
My friend Sara is terrified of spiders and snakes. Yeah, I know, Jim Stafford. When she moved to Truckee with her boyfriend Trevor, he told her that she didn’t have to worry about snakes there because it was “above the snake line” and she believed him.
I saw someone on Twitter ask whether, since it’s after Memorial Day and all, it was still permissible to serve Gazpacho in a peach tree dish…
I actually saw a yellow garter snake swimming in the pond last month, but it was only a couple of feet long.
Calling the cops on a snake seems like a bad idea, although animal control might not be such a bad move, depending on where you live.
Supposedly the rattlesnakes are having a booming year in California, but I haven’t seen any.
It’s not that there are NO poisonous snakes in our area, but they are rare. I’m sure she just has a big garter snake
Snakes and me do not go together
I don’t like them either
I don’t know how comfortable I’d be with Ethyl either. I would want her carefully removed and placed elsewhere. But this made me smile.
My sister has done a good job of chasing them off for my mom. Yay!