Back in the 80’s, I used to read the newspaper every morning. I was probably 24, maybe 25 at the time. I had the newspaper delivered and would start my mornings drinking coffee and reading the local news before rushing off to work and trying to slip into my cubicle without anyone noticing that I was late. Again.
I had one child and was still in my first marriage.
One morning, I read a story about a boy who broke through some ice on a lake. He was 7. His brother tried to save him. He was 9. They both died.
I stopped reading newspapers after reading that story.
That might be a lie. I’ve probably read the comics or Dear Abby in the past 26 years, but I don’t read news stories anymore. I don’t want to read about kids breaking through ice and dying.
I love the internet, but it makes it really hard to not be aware of the news. It’s not that I want to stick my head in the sand. I want to be informed. I want to know what is happening around me, but I don’t want to be immersed in it.
Facebook is crammed with stories about Bill Cosby, Ferguson, and the abysmal choice of textbooks in Texas. Another child was shot and killed by the police and women aren’t safe at college, or anywhere, it seems. I read about women’s rights being stripped away and wondered when such a large group of people decided that A Hand Maid’s Tale was an instruction manual.
I’d rather read about Gwynyth Paltrow’s gift giving guide where she suggest a gold juicer that costs over 4 grand. At least that just annoys me. At least that doesn’t make my heart hurt.
Then I saw it. An article about choosing the ‘right’ cake for a child’s birthday party.
A whole article.
About choosing the right cake.
Let me help. Here’s how to choose the right cake for a kid’s birthday party. Choose a cake that is made out of cake.
Are you fucking kidding me? A whole goddamn article about choosing precisely the right cake? It’s CAKE for fuck’s sake. Give a kid a piece of cake and they’ll be happy with it. Because they are kids and cake is awesome.
Why am I shouting about cake? I can get my head around cake. I cake take a stand about cake. I can get affronted by the ridiculousness of agonizing over getting just the right cake for a kid’s birthday party.
I can’t get my head around the other stuff. The other stuff makes it hard to breathe and I lose my voice.
Also, I learned something while reading these articles and writing this post. I was half sitting and half laying in bed. Randy was watching some Netflix original show with Little Steven in it and all of a sudden, I smelled something funky.
Me: Fucking hell, what’s that?
Randy: What’s what?
Me: Do you smell something funky?
Randy: Nope.
Randy: Are you trying to smell your feet?
Me: Yes. And it’s not my feet.
I think it must have been years since I had my foot that close to my head, because I’m not as bendy as I thought I was and I pulled a muscle.
So, here’s a recap. The news depresses me. Gwynyth is out of touch. Cake is good. I hurt myself trying to smell my own feet.
I also have no idea what the smell was. I suspect Randy, but I can’t prove it.
Yes… The world has gone to shit… News is not news… It’s a goddamn crime list. And dont talk to me about cake! My neighbour made a birthday cake for her daughter’s sleepover party. It was a bed room… Not any bedroom… An edible replica of her daughter’s bedroom… And every one of the kids was recognisably represented… Made out of fucking marzipan and royal icing! Bitch.
O M G
See? She’s fucking it up FOR EVERYONE. Seriously, isn’t that just kind of indulgent? Or do you run with the fabulously wealthy?
…definitely fabulously middle-class. No, my neighbour is just a total cake diva. When the kids watched Mr Poppers Penguins at school, I sent along popcorn… she made 25 chocolate coated penguin cake-pops!
You want me to send you a voodoo doll?
I get it. I do. And yet for some reason I can’t stay away from the news and trying to bring injustice to the attention of the world.
I know. I do. And I’m the same. I’m very vocal about my opinions, but it’s just so goddamn much these days. I feel like I’m shutting down.
I can’t read the news much either. Except I sort of have to, for my job. So I squint my eyes half shut and approach it sideways. If it looks too bad, I just go get more coffee. Coffee solves everything.
Yep…CHEERS!
ohh god good stuff!
after 9-11 i canceled the paper and turned off the news. bam. done and fucking done.
i’ve lived in a NEAR ignorance is bliss state for many years now too!
shit sure comes through the shit filter doesn’t it!
i know about cosby (had an at length ‘discussions’ in our house with me yelling out THAT MOTHER FUCKER! and getting into a near heated weepy talk about how rape victims are treated and why they stay silent. like this is so hard to understand!)
ferguson! those fucking textbooks in texas made me stabby!
gwynyth honey just no. people are homeless and hungry. just stop this nonsense. no one needs that.
motherfucking cake! shitty cake is still good cake because it’s fucking cake. just buy a cake shove it your gob and move on!
i’m going NOW to go tighten up my fb news filter and start drinking…. and have some cake. x+o
HA! We had the same conversation. And that’s the problem..I am finding myself more and more weepy with every story. I have to step back and get my filters back up. I feel like a walking exposed nerve these days.
I am sure it has to do with starting a new job next week. I just need to insulate myself until the first of the year.
i hope you had a good holiday weekend.
i have steered clear of any news links unless it has a baby elephant, bunny, chick or kitten.
this posting encouraged/inspired me to do some truth writing. so thank you!
best of luck on your new job! girl you’re going to knock’em dead!
I refuse to accept that the world is going to shit. I think we have too much news and the news networks have to fill the time with enough noise to justify their advertising budgets. I get my news from Google News aggregation and Twitter. Most of my TV watching is NHL Gamecenter (Go Bruins), Amazon Prime, and Netflix.
I like the fact that you found something that you can get your head around and went after it. I find it ridiculous that choosing a birthday cake for your brat…er…child is such a life altering decision. If you don’t get the right cake, the kid might quit loving you for the rest of your life.
Hahah..right? I think any cake is a good cake.
Well, not urinal cakes. That would piss anyone off.
I hear you. A few years ago I was in therapy (back when I could afford therapy, luxury item) and we talked about how overwhelming the news is.
You can’t avoid it if you try. It’s delivered on your phone, on billboards, blaring out of computer. Even a site that is supposed to be fun like twitter or facebook will fill up with the latest fucking news (half the time with the facts entirely screwed up, remember when they were going to build a wall around Dallas to keep the rest of us from catching Ebola?)
My therapist was a very calm and relaxed person and I asked him how he did it, and he said he made a lot more money than me and still had a functioning marriage.
Just kidding, he wouldn’t admit to telling me that. No, he suggested that I just let go of following the news, said that humans get wrapped up in something like a Kardashian because it somehow helps us feel we have control, as in if we study ISIS long enough and know all the “facts” somehow we are gaining some control when in fact very little is actually under our control beyond our own reactions to the fucked up world.
Ah, shit, sorry, I can’t even compose properly. In short; watching a ton of news and obsessing about things far away = wanting to feel in control; but the result is stress because of just how much hell is out there.
I like looking at puppy pictures now.
I think you explained it very well.
And I like puppies. Puppies are good. And screaming goats.
I stopped getting the newspaper about 6 months ago because every article seemed to end with “for more information, go to our website”. I assumed I would just get my news on the internet.
But that didn’t happen. Instead I remained mostly newsless. And much, much happier.
And cake!? Any cake is good cake. And no child is going to care if it’s perfect. They just want more cake.
Exactly! And yes..some of the news..I can do without. Well..a lot of the news, actually
Precocious Daughter wanted pie on her birthday instead of cake. So I made her a pie. Because sometimes the perfect cake is pie. I’m pretty sure there’s a profound life lesson in that statement, if only I can talk you into thinking so. Also, I stole your blog topic about things you’re too old for because it was too awesome not to. So thanks.
Yay! I can’t wait to read it!! And I love pie. Pie is awesome
I don’t follow the news because that feeds my compassion fatigue. I take Facebook quizzes because I feel more in control if I know what Disney princess I am and what color my aura is.
I try to avoid the news for all the same reasons. It just makes me sad. And cake IS cake. Kids don’t give a fuck as long as they have cake.
I bet it was Randy, too.
I DO want to be informed. I think we HAVE to be informed…but fucking hell..there is so much to take in right now. I get overwhelmed and feel myself just shutting down.
You have to find your personal balance between informed and overdone.
Informed is knowing the 5 W’s, overwhelmed is fifteen hours of “experts” shouting at each other what THEY THINK it all means.
So many web posts and TV shows are set up to be provocative: “This grandmother defended her home using a blow drier and a box of rice crispies – what would YOU have done?” “It COULD HAPPEN TO YOU BECAUSE OBAMA IS A MARTIAN” “The liberals want to regulate our rice crispies – sign this petition to stop them!”
I get so damn tired just from a few minutes of the nonsense. Every news outlet is selling something. They all have an angle. It’s not good guys and bad guys or right and wrong, it’s what are they selling. Is it health insurance? Air fare? Trying to sway an election or a bill? Get people scared so they buy more junk? Make them feel safer so they buy different junk? Ugh.
I know I have biases and blind spots and I’m probably ignorant about some things but I am so tired of people shouting at me trying to tell me how to feel about something. “If you aren’t outraged you aren’t paying attention!” Well, maybe I am and I have other priorities. That’s okay, too.
No, I think this is very wise…and you sound SO MUCH like Randy. Holy shit..this exactly what he would say. Well..not EXACTLY, but the same sentiment.
I have to take a news vacation every so often. I’ll start feeling really down and feel like the whole world is in shambles, will lose sleep, the whole nine yards. I’d probably end up stressing about the cake article too though. Maybe I should take an internet, entire media!, vacation. 🙂
I’m so with you on this. I stopped papers a long time ago. I stopped watching the news after 9/11 and then gave up TV altogether 3 years ago. Until recently I avoided all a few things that caught my attention on the net.
Something has changed, now it’s everywhere and being force fed to me on Faceache and Twitter 24/7, just like it was on the TV. I hate that they have taken away my choice and therefore I’m spending a lot less time looking at the feeds so that I don’t have to see it. It’s probably time for pastures new for the creatives. Google plus is looking less like a desert these days and if someone wants to invite me to Ello I’ll be giving that a go.
Yeah, I’m spending a little less time. I just want to read funny blogs and escape into works of fiction. I do want to know what is going on around me. I do share stories that I feel are important. But there is JUST SO MUCH right now. It’s getting to me.
They had the news on every TV at the gym last night. I tried to ignore it but it was hopeless, my eyes kept getting drawn back up to the screens. Eventually I gave up and watched and just channeled all my sadness and anger and frustration into my workout. I must’ve burned at least an extra 100 rage calories.
Which is 100 extra calories I can blow on cake, so I guess the news is good for something after all.
See? At least you put it to good use!!
There’s still a printed free alt-weekly in my hometown. I pick up a copy on my way to the bus stop and read it on the way home. Well, I read certain articles. I read the food reviews. I read the movie reviews (except when they’re written by that guy who talks about how the “characters fall into coaxial orbits, failing to coalesce until their very personalities suffer a molecular dehiscence”. He thinks movies have been going downhill since “Citizen Kane”.) I read the articles by the woman who mocks the obsessively perfect mommies of her child’s play group. Sometimes I read the political articles, and sometimes it’s even good news. I also read the local free monthly LGBT magazine, especially in December, so I can get ideas about what I would get my gay and lesbian friends if they were stereotypes.
I agree it’s really important to stay informed, but if I finish the magazines before I’ve reached my stop I’ll read a book. Or I’ll watch the blocks go by and notice how that Sunbeam store is gone, and, hey, there’s a new pub that serves Left Hand Milk Stout. Or I talk to people on the bus. Sometimes I feel like that’s made me more informed and more in touch with the world than a whole day of CNN. There’s a lot of awful stuff in the world, but there are also a lot of ways to get good news.
This is hilarious! OMG, I love reading reviews by the pretentious. I would probably agree with the women mocking the perfect play group mommies. We have a little paper like that here, The City Beat. Hubs picks it up every week…that newspaper I can handle.
Let them eat cake!! I hate mysterious smells. The news does hurt that’s why I won’t watch it before bed. No WAY.
Yeah, I still don’t know what it was..it smelled like rancid feet, though
We had a foster dog for a while that the kids swore had the WORST gas.
I never smelled anything.
Hmm..
Totally agree about the news. Cosby just hurts. I have so many of his records, and all I really want is the humour, not the crap thinking.
On the other hand, cake isn’t always cake, although it should be.
When I was very young, my Grammy made my younger sister a Barbie cake – the dress being the cake, of course, with a Barbie doll sticking up out of it with a top on. I didn’t like Barbies much, but I LOVED that cake. My Grammy told me she’d make me one the next year. I could hardly wait. The next year came, and she forgot. I was devastated, (but I never told her because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings).
As a result of that story, (I’m probably as old now [64] as she was then, and I totally ‘get’ it.)
I have since told my 3 very young granddaughters that same story, and if I EVER promise them something and I forget, they need to tell me.
Whew. I got that out of my system.
Awww,you’re the best grandma!
I always wanted a barbie doll cake when I was little. I never got one, so I bought one for my granddaughter a few years ago. It made me happy.
I make my niece a cake every year….whatever she chooses. And my two boys too (even though one is still too little to choose). But, I’m not doing it to go overboard and be a Pinterest Mom. I make cakes that taste good first and look fun second. I love the Barbie cake and want so badly to make my niece one, but she’s just not into it. Sadness. 🙁
I bought one for my granddaughter because I always wanted one. I did not realize how expensive it would be until I picked it up. I thought 35.00, but no..it was 50.00 which i guess isn’t crazy, but that’s more than I am willing to spend on A cake.
I go back and forth between watching the news all the time and not watching it at all. I used to get 2 newspapers everyday, but now I only get them on Sunday. There’s just so much a person can take.
Yeah, it doesn’t always bother me..but it’s just been so much lately. And I’m starting a new job on Monday, so I’m already anxious.
I’ll still read newspaper news (on the web), but no way, no how will I watch TV news. I would block CNN and its ilk from my television if I could. Wouldn’t that be excellent? A “no news” Comcast package? I’d pay more for it.
And there’s no such thing as “the wrong cake”.
I don’t have cable at all, we just make do with netflix and amazon streaming.
We canceled satellite and I don’t really miss it. Now I choose what I want to watch instead of just leaving a channel (and the endless commercials) playing.
Cake is cake. Gwyneth Paltrow lives in a world I will never understand, and I guess I’m kind of glad I don’t. The news is all bad. I read it and then wash it down with funny blogs. Thanks.
You’re welcome!!! That’s what I do, too…
I’m taking a few days off myself. I’ll risk being uninformed for a few days while I reboot my soul.
UVA did me in.
Right there with you.
Hahahahaha! Some people have entirely to much Damn time on their hands!
Right? Holy hell…I’m obsessive sometimes (all the time) but not over cake. Unless I’m not getting any cake.
Of course I’m the exact same way as you. I quit the papers after those two kids in England kidnapped a 2 year old and tortured and killed him. I couldn’t do it anymore, and still can’t. I am staying as far away from Ferguson as I can. #horribleAmerican
Oh god…I remember that story. That still disturbs me. I don’t think you’re horrible. I think people with an abundance of compassion feel this way.
I find watching an entire marathon about the possibility of aliens, or big foot, or whatever is not only more accurate than the shite they show on the news, but also less stressful. I’d rather there be aliens or big foot or a giant sea monster than literally anything else going on in current events.
I don’t watch the news.
And seriously…with the birthday parties theses days….OMG. They spell “my mom is a type-A control freak more concerned about appearances than a normal person should be!”
Yes! I would also rather have aliens or big foot. I hate how petty and mean and destructive we humans can be. It’s breathtaking.
OMG, yes. All of this and a slice of cake, please.
I cannot look at any more of the -isms that are being slathered all over the fucking world right now. I’ll get back to it eventually. But right now my hands are shaking and my eyes are achy from crying.
Holiday stress, check.
World stress, check.
Job search stress, check.
I think I’m going to make a mocha and watch stupid anime until my heart feels a little better.
*hugs to you and yours*
PS…It was probably Randy. 🙂
I’m right there with you! And hot chocolate sounds lovely. I’m anxious about starting my new job. I’m sure it will be fine….I hope you find a job soon.
Stress is bullshit, right?
Ah, the internet is full of such ridiculous shit.
I totally hear what you’re saying about the news, and I agree with the sentiment. I do, however, think it’s important to know about what’s going on, because how will we change anything if we don’t know it needs to be changed?
(Then again, I’m really not changing anything, sitting here on my butt eating chocolate and watching Netflix.)
I don’t disagree with that at all. Not at all. I just need a break from it for a while. I’m usually very vocal about my feelings/opinions on many subjects, but I feel like the wind has been knocked out of me. It’s just too much..
And we’re watching Netflix too…pretty sure that’s what we all do.
I don’t read newspapers sometimes I buy it but it will lay around for days if not weeks before I look at it and yes the internet is full of news some I read some I just pretend I don’t see.
Yeah, I find myself breezing past stuff going NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE…didn’t see it.
Sorry about your bendy bumby (that is what my son coined ouches when he was about two).
Also, yeah, if one more person falls off their pedestal I am going to SCREAM.
Sigh.
Thank god for the escapism of netflix and the swimming pool.
Bendy bumpy. I like that!
There is some stuff I want to know about, but most of what I find in “news” programming depresses more than I can afford to be right now.
That’s it exactly! I just can’t afford to be in a funk right now. Too much going on.
I guess the majority of Americans wants to hear all about that bad shit in huge quantities, since that’s mostly what’s reported on. Just like all those crap reality shows that are so popular, esp the ones where people break out into fights on “talk shows” over things like their mother sleeping with their boyfriend, or paternity tests with upsetting results. Why do people enjoy this stuff?! I’m pretty sure that most of it is manufactured for entertainment purposes anyway. There’s gotta be a huge appetite for it or it wouldn’t be so prolific.
But, I digress. I like to keep up with what’s going on in the world, but could certainly do without those individual tragedies, and all of that way too deep and repetitive coverage of crappy world events. I’d LOVE it if there were a lot more room for touching stories about the awesome and kind things people do. How cool would that be?
I couldn’t agree more…too many people are attracted to that bullshit. I just don’t get it. I really don’t.
Oh the damn news. My poor mom calls every day with some tragic something or other she’s seen on broadcast TV. We cancelled cable last spring, so unless it happens on Arrow or OITNB or something like that, it goes over my head.
Except they watch CNN for Kids or some baloney like that at my son’s school, so he asks me about stuff like comet landings that I didn’t know about. If I could just go watch the stuff they filter for kids at school, I’d be in good shape.
Damn..that’s brilliant! I would watch that news as well.
It seems gone are the days of having a round vanilla cake with chocolate icing if you were really fancy, some lollies and chips in a few plastic bowls on a table with a plastic table cloth and some cordial for the kids to drink when they were thirsty after playing catches or just running around like lunatics !
I am so glad I don’t have young children because there is no way I would be able to compete with other Moms !!!!
Have the best day !
Me xox
Me either! I’m all for keeping it simple.
totally agree.
the ‘news’ is shaped, edited and presented for the sole purpose of messing with a person’s mind…. actually it’s there to fill up an emptiness that people so abhor that they will accept fear and worry as a state of mind, the better to avoid the emptiness.
I used to be totally hooked on the news and information, the internet was like a drunk getting a job at a liquor store. the thing was, I couldn’t shake the outrage that would be my own reaction to the senseless and vain tragedy that the powerful get off on inflicting on the powerless (and the powerless are willing to accept).
so I quit.
that’s when it got interesting. “What do you mean you don’t follow the news?! You have to know whats going on in the world!!” (initial response)… “hey! I sent you a link to a thing, I know you say you don’t read the news… but this is really interesting!” (thereafter).
good for you, on the not letting them hijack your mind. I bet you find you have more energy left over for yourself, rather than stopping in the middle of the day because the thought comes out, by itself, “they let them die…how could they!”
It’s nearly impossible to avoid ALL the news..but I do avoid as much as I can. And you’re so right, people will accept fear and worry as a state of mind. I know I do that just fine without the news…but I’m working on it.
I don’t understand why the world needs to fit into a perfect celebrity mold.
Well, that is completely unattainable. I think we’d all be happier if we just stopped trying.
Agreed but the media seems to enjoy pushing perfection or how we are imperfect and need to change our ways.
Yes they do..and all we can do is decide for ourselves whether or not we’ll listen. It’s not easy..but more and more, I’m thinking they can stick it up their ass.