Priscilla, Queen of the cubicle and I haven’t had as many conversations as we usually do. I think we’re both suffering from malaise brought on by heat and job dissatisfaction.
Well, that and I keep closing out my chat window without saving our conversations. It’s like throwing gold out the window.
Well, maybe those chocolate gold coins. But still..gold.
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Me: I woke up this morning with the phrase ‘spongemom cowpants’ in my head.
PQOTC: Hahahah
Me: I wonder what I was dreaming about?
PQOTC: I’m afraid to know.
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Me: Sally just sneezed and then blessed herself.
PQOTC: Woah woah woah…is that even allowed?
Me: It’s dumb. I’m not doing it anymore. I’m not a priest. I can’t just go around blessing people. We don’t bless people for coughs. Why are sneezes so special?
PQOTC: Fucking hell, it’s raining like a motherfucker.
Me: It’s probably because I didn’t bless Sally when she sneezed.
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The following isn’t a work instant message conversation. This was instant message through Facebook early last Saturday morning.
Me: I’m sitting here with two sticks of butter under my thigh to soften it up for cookie batter.
PQOTC: I don’t even know what to say to that.
PQOTC: Maybe buy softer butter? Or, I dunno…use the microwave?
Me: It can’t be melted. Just softened.
Me: It worked like a charm. But my leg is all buttery.
PQOTC: Cooking is hard.
PQOTC: You’re like a mother hen. Except you have butter instead of chicklets.
Me: With my new method, I think I’m ready for the Food Network.
PQOTC: Move over Paula Deen
Me: STOP CALLING ME A RACIST.
PQOTC: hahaha.
PQOTC: What kind of cookies are you making?
Me: Chocolate chip and TARDIS sugar cookies.
PQOTC: You are such a dork.
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The cookies turned out awesome and I am terribly impressed with my butter softening method. To anyone reading who might be eating cookies I made last night, I DID modify my method by putting the butter in a baggy before softening it up, so you can feel safe that you are eating cookies with zero thigh juice in them.
I really didn’t modify for sanitary reasons though, I did it so I could avoid the heartbreak of greasy leg.
First sneeze: “Gesundheit”
Second sneeze: “Don’t die”
Third sneeze: “That’ll be quite enough of that!”
You are the next Food Network star. “That thigh-butter-melting technique was sheer genius. We don’t have to go any further, because you have won our hearts. Guy, you’re fired!”
HAHAH, YAY! I can quit this job now!!!!
You really make me wish we had IM here…
LOL – I GOT IT! –> “Diners, Drive-Ins & THIGHS”!!! Fantastic!!
OMG!!! Perfect!!!
Now, who do we call to get this shit started?
OMG – warming butter method… genius!
I think Priscilla was impressed
She hates cooking of any kind and doesn’t do it. As she says….she just shows up when everything is done
“Is that even allowed?” Bwahahahaha. I’ve never heard someone bless themselves before. Now I kind of want it to happen! –Lisa
Yeah…it’s always interesting here.
Ah, the workplace. Nobody blesses me when I sneeze anymore. Of course, I sneeze really loudly, so I figure I’m annoying everyone and when noone says ‘bless you’ I end up saying ‘sorry.’ Then everyone looks at me like I’m a nutjob. Well, maybe I’m crazy but at least I follow social protocols when people sneeze!
Honestly, I appreciate a good nut job.
That sounds dirtier than I intended.
And to think all these years I’ve been cutting the butter into the same sized pieces as you used to get served in restaurants and laying them out on plates.
Yeah…that would probably work, too
What’s wrong with softening butter under your thighs ? That’s what I do in restaurants when they bring that lovely fresh hot bread and the little butters that have been in the freezer for a gazillion years so you can at least try to spread it over the bread instead of just having a lump in the middle – I thought everyone did that ????????????????
Have the best day !
Me
I’m just a late bloomer when it comes to cold, hard butter.
hee hee *thigh juice* hee hee
Which when you consider all the ranges of possible juices…thigh juice isn’t the WORST juice.
That’s it, I’ve worked it out, we both need jobs on QVC 🙂 You can do the cookery bit and I’ll do the weird stuff that nobody really has a clue what it’s for
Can’t you just see it? We’d be amazing. Maybe Priscilla could sell clown statues.
Buttery thighs should inspire a haiku. But I’ve made myself stop. In other news, “STOP CALLING ME A RACIST.” made me spit out my afternoon coffee.
This is what I want
Buttery Foxy Haiku
So make it happen
I once read that people blessed sneezers because they believed that sneezing opened one up to demonic possession. So for a long time after, whenever anyone in my little tribe had an epic sneeze, there would follow a little chorus of “Get any demons?”
Well, that would explain a few things.
I wish I had thought about melting butter with my thighs long ago-it would have saved many a butter that I over-cooked in the microwave. =/ I think you should coin this the Thigh Method!
I really should. I think we should call it ‘full body baking’
Full Body Baking: The Low-Fat, Zero Thigh Juice Edition.
Who WOULDN’T be intrigued by that!
You just became THEE worlds most irresistible woman to 99% of men. And most women.
I’m totally saying “Don’t die” next time someone sneezes.
hahahah…and that’s a great response!!
spongemom cowpants = SpongeBob Squarepants with enlarged adenoids? or a bad sinus infection?
That’s it…I got nothing else.
And btw, I’m totally remembering your butter softening method in the winter when I’d much rather stay on the couch under a blanket than get up and soften butter.
Hey!! It’s nice to see you again!!
I shared your shit before I even read it. That’s how much I love you. And butter under your thighs to soften it? BRILLZ.
Right?? Works like a charm.
And thank you so much!! You’re such a sweetheart.
Best butter softening technique ever! If I ever decide to start baking, I’m definitely using it.
I didn’t start baking until later in life. I mean I tried…but I failed.
And this is a fool proof method. 🙂