If we’re going to be stuck with 45 as president, then he needs to start consulting a source that isn’t a Nazi. He needs to consult something, for all that is holy, he shouldn’t be making his own decisions. He needs a Magic 8 ball.
As president, he needs more than the usual “yes”, “no”, and “ask again later” answers one finds in a typical Magic 8 Ball. He needs his own Magic 8 Ball, one that will 
provide the answers he needs to perform his duties as Commander in Chief. So, here you have it. 20 custom Magic 8 Ball answers for the POTUS:
Ask Bannon later
Fake news points to yes
Ivanka says no
Bigly no
Kremlin says yes
Answer hazy, try Putin your thinking cap on
Outlook good, except for the environment
Blame Jared
Hide in the bushes
Obsess over hand and crowd size
Concentrate and lie again later
Steele yourself for a YUGE no
Grab a few pussies
Go ahead and have 3 scoops
Better not tell you now. Covfefe again later
Take Mike Pence’s wife out for dinner
Send Melissa McCarthy flowers
Pick out extra long impeachment tie
Just stop making any decisions about anything. You are terrible at this job. Go to Mar-a-Lago and stay there. Resign.
What custom magic 8 ball answer would you add?
It is certain (that you must fire Reince/Spicey/that photographer who makes you look fat/anyone smarter than you — which’d be just about everyone)
As I see it, yes (you ARE nothing more than a pile of varnished, diseased rat feces)
My sources say no (you will NOT make it to the end of your term)
Concentrate and ask again (not that this’ll do you any good, you fool’s gold-plated dimwit)
Very doubtful (that your sad, porn model wife will sleep with you ever again and I, a semi-sentient ball of plastic, don’t blame her one bit)
Hell’s bells, I could go on and on.
It’s kind of fun, isn’t it?
LOVE!! In the midst of all the horrific news coming out of the cesspool we call our government, you women are a welcomed breeze of clean air! I needed these belly laughs!!
Yeah…but don’t you get the feeling sometimes that maybe he got hit on the head with a magic 8 ball when he was a kid?
Hahahah..that is a possible explanation!
Tweet? YES
Tweet? NO
I am actually glad he tweets the bullshit he does. It doesn’t nothing but weaken him.
After watching him push his way to the front, then straighten his tie, (and I don’t need to remember where that was or who he pushed, we all clapped our horrified mouths with our offended hands) I would have to say that ‘his’ Magic 8 ball should include:
‘Wait your turn,’
‘say “Please,”‘
‘say “Thank you, but you go ahead,”‘
‘say “Melania, what do you think?”‘
But yours are best for his position as 45…
That was the prime minister of Montenegro at a NATO meeting. sigh.
Sadly too funny! I would add
“I’m a great guy”, or “He’s a great guy”
Yes, those phrases are used often.
This is a great idea.
There’s an old saw for judges that I think might be good advice for the President: “Be just, and if you can’t be just, be arbitrary.”
Arbitrary would be better than what he is doing now. I don’t hold out hope for “just”.
Have you seen this article about how his old tweets come back to haunt him? Someone along the way didn’t teach him that the internet never forgets!
http://www.nbcnews.com/politics/white-house/how-donald-trumps-old-tweets-haunt-him-today-n766366
He’s a buffoon. A clueless, entitled, childish, ignorant, hateful, bigoted buffoon.
Thank you for saying what so many are afraid to. I especially like the “send Melissa McCarthy flowers”. UGE bouquet.
You’re welcome! Randy hates these articles because he doesn’t want me to ever talk politics.
I vote there should only be two answers. Your last one and “Grab the pussies that are the entire GOP wing of the government and fire them! Then celebrate by resigning.”
Hahaha..yes, I can see that
I think all sides should just say the same thing: “That’s probably not a good idea.”
Yes. Exactly
Goddamn it, the internet isn’t working right again and won’t let me comment yet.
but but but….
Oh, oops. Never mind.
“Walk out into the rain and look up.”
“Forget about Roy Cohn, he was an asshole.”
“Lying is bad.”
“Vlad thinks you’re stupid.”
“No, no, a thousand times no.”
“Why am I even answering you when you can’t read.”
“OK, won’t read. Same damn thing.”
“Ask your dog.”
“What do you mean you don’t have a dog?”
HAHAHAHHA…PERFECT.
And why doesn’t he have a dog. They’re supposed to have dogs.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAlvBMwN_7U&app=desktop
Hey, Mr. Tangerine man, build a wall for me
I’m not that bright and don’t know that you’re not going to
Hey, Mr. Tangerine man, keep Muslims away from me
With my jingoistic world view, I’ll come following you
Fake me out with this,
I’ll be your newest apprentice
My sister thinks you’re a trip
All my friends say “Get a grip”
And my skull’s too numb to think
Waiting only for the bullshit you’ve been pedaling
I’m ready to think anything
Your orange face does not fade
My IQ’s 88
Cast your protesters my way
I promise to go punching them
Hey, Mr. Tangerine man, build a wall for me
I’m not that bright and don’t know that you’re not going to
Hey, Mr. Tangerine man, keep Muslims away from me
With my jingoistic world view, I’ll come following you
A M A Z I N G
We are not worthy.
Hilarious, Michelle. We can all fantasize, can’t we? Especially about the last one. But I don’t think that’s happening, at least not in the near future. Fun concept!
“Let Spicey take the fall.”
“Signs point to dementia.”
“You’re asking a f*cking child’s toy?! WTF is wrong with you?”
“I can’t even with your questions.”
“No. Next question.”
“*Batman slap*”
“STFU.”
OMG, I laughed myself silly…I always loved my Magic 8 Ball, think I need to get another one..
This is awesome.
“Have bum fun with Boris Johnson.”
“Stare at ladies’ titties.” [caveat: it has to be written in language he comprehends].
This is brilliant 😀
I want to slip him a magic 8-ball where all the answers are “Just stop making any decisions about anything. You are terrible at this job. Go to Mar-a-Lago and stay there. Resign.”
And it wouldn’t take much. I don’t think he’s far from that point anyway. He won’t admit it but I’m pretty sure he’s delegated all real responsibility and is just dicking around. When I heard he made a remark about the job being tougher than he thought it would be I yelled, “How would you know?”
Argh, and of course I have a much better idea later. I think one of the options should be “Replace Spicer with Melissa McCarthy. She’s funnier, smarter, better-looking…” But I don’t mean to sound like I’m damning her with faint praise.
Hard to pick my favorite… wait no. The last.. definitely the last.
“Feel better by asking Jeff and Rex for compliments.” Your list is killer!
Thank you!!