Just a few minutes ago, I was heating up a leftover quesadilla in the microwave.
We painted most of Joey’s room after I got home from work. This is the last room. We’re nearly done with the painting. I am grateful enough that I am willing to sacrifice a goat to whatever deity is currently in need of a goat.
Not a live goat or anything. Like a stuffed animal. I would definitely rip the head off of a stuffed animal goat to beg for mercy from the god of painting the entire goddamn interior of my house. Please really let it almost be over. And please block this deep loathing of painting I have because we’re going to buy a house and I’m probably going to be painting again.
On top of frantically trying to finish repairing the house, the fucking 
time jumped forward.
I do not recall ever getting hit this hard by springing forward.
I feel like I sprung forward and just got slammed face down in the ground. I am exhausted.
One stupid hour and my insomnia perked up and cracked her knuckles.
It takes forever to fall asleep and when the alarm clock goes off it makes me want to cry.
But I completely digress.
I was talking about heating leftovers up in the microwave.
My back has that stabby feeling in it from painting, so I am moving a little slow tonight. I looked at the number of seconds left on the microwave and took my time getting a knife and a fork. I considered that the microwave has a clear advantage over a toaster because you don’t have to guess how long before your food is ready.
Can you do that with a toaster? No you cannot. It is a mystery every time how long it will take and it startles me every goddamn time it pops up. I don’t get startled when the microwave beeps because it tells me exactly when it will beep.
Toasters are just mean, man.
On the other hand, toast is one of the best things on the planet, so there’s that.
We’re getting close, you guys. I feel like we’re moving at supersonic massive warp speed, which is a measure of speed that I just made up. I think. I mean, if it is a measure of speed, I think it should be named after me now. The song Super Massive Black Hole by Muse? I thought they were saying “supersonic vagabond”. I still sing it my way, I like my words better.
I’m really freaked out by this change coming up. I’m usually good at change.
I used to be great at change, but as I got older, it got a little more difficult. Switching jobs has been a nightmare and I haven’t loved the last three moves we’ve made.
But this move?
I feel like we are running in the dark toward the edge of a cliff. I don’t like this feeling.
So, I’ve been trying to focus on how exciting it will be, this next part of our life. Also, it’s just a goddamn house. Where we live doesn’t matter, we’re still us.
So, I guess there isn’t much of a point here? Just that I’m tired.
Time springing forward is an asshole and paint is the devil.
Wish me luck on falling asleep before midnight, and if you have a spare stuffed goat I could massacre, please let me know.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.
Ack.
That’s the sound I have been making since Sunday.
Great job, You!!! You have persevered beyond my wildest abilities, and I’m wowed that you can even THINK of painting in a new house.
Wow.
This time change double whammied me, too… I was looking for my feeding pants, while they were on me… to be fair… It SAYS 4:30, but my head is screaming, “3 fucking 30!! It is REALLY 3:30 and your sleeping pills haven’t even worn off yet 🙁 “
ACK covers it all.
I got clobbered by the time change too.
I’m no longer physically able to paint a room, but I’ve certainly done it in my time. You’re fantastic!
I’m with you about change to. Nononononoo.
I’m still not cool with the time change. Not at all.
Here’s hoping your next home has a yard big enough for you to have some goats. Specifically those fainting goats. They can be used for bloodless sacrifices. You just yell at them and they fall over. They’re like Thor’s goats who he could slaughter and eat every night and they’d magically come back to life the next morning and I just realized even the fucking Vikings didn’t like to kill their pets. Not permanently, anyway.
What all this is trying to say is I’m sorry for what you’re going through but it will pass.
Give it time.
Yes!!
Fainting goats!
Less work, more sacrifice!!
😀
Thank you so much for that–now I want a t-shirt that says “Less work, more sacrifice!”
We need to work together more often!!
Yes!! Get that shirt… that may be the Holy Grail of work ethic (life)… these days 😉
*sarcastic bemused face*
It sounds good..but goats are really gross.
I think I’d prefer goat yoga but that’s just me. I hate painting and never want to do it again. One time I even got hives from it.
Hahah..goat yoga
I’m odd, I realize, but I actually love to paint. I have not once but twice in my life painted an entire house, inside and out. But I do understand your loathing for it and I’m glad you’re seeing an end in sight. As for the time change, it sucks. Every year I find myself trying to figure out why we still do this. I mean, I think it was originally for the farmers, right? But don’t they by now know when the sun is going down and coming up? With fewer and fewer of “them” and more and more of “us,” why are we doing this to our internal clocks every year? Makes no sense.
I will probably have to paint again when we move to our new place…but that will be a LITTLE more satsifying.
You’ve got this, Michelle. And someday all this prep and hard work will be in your rearview mirror. Good luck!
I am so ready for that!
John Oliver on daylight saving time:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=br0NW9ufUUw
Painting is indeed a pain in the ass, but the feeling you get when it’s done and whatever you painted looks all new is great.
I love him so much. And the painting? NEARLY finished. Just a little trim in one room, two doors and touch up.
I love reading your words too much to ever suggest you start writing only headlines, but this: “Time springing forward is an asshole and paint is the devil” coulda easily been your entire post. Jus’ sayin’.
Supposedly, “they” are FINALLY canceling the whole bit? Maaaaaaaaaaybe before we’re next scheduled to “fall back”? I hope so. I mean, yeah, let’s get some social justice in place, what with gun control and legalized marijuana and illegalized child brides and whatnot, but can we also Never Change The Clocks Ever Again? KThanxBye.
I concur with your list in totality.