Randy and I are fucking awesome at being in our fifties. We were serious far too often for way too long. Now? Well, we laugh a lot more than we used to. We don’t care about as much as we used to and we’ve settled into a pattern that rarely involves fights that are worse than getting pissy with each other for a few minutes. We are rocking the fifties.
I mean, we aren’t weirdos or anything. We do normal stuff. Stuff fifty year old people do. Like the other night, we were bored and trying to entertain ourselves, so I curled Randy’s hair.
Randy: What do you want to do?
Me: I got this new curling iron from groupon. The retail was over five hundred bucks and I got it for sixty.
Mind you, we are saving for a trip to the beach, so buying a curling iron that I don’t need was absolutely necessary.
Randy: The fuck kind of curling iron costs over five hundred dollars? Does it give head?
Me: Well, I wouldn’t pay that much for it.
Randy: What’s so special about it?
Me: First of all, it’s an awesome shade of pink.
Randy:…
Me: It’s got a motor in it. It spins your hair for you and then is supposed to give loopy spirally curls.
Randy: Does it work?
Me: Yeah, I mean other than the times it’s ripped huge chunks of hair out of my head. And the one time it got tangled and I was afraid I was going to burn a big section of my hair off.
Randy: And that cost sixty bucks?
Me: Yeah. Want me to curl your hair?
Randy: Sure.
So, Randy sat in my chair and I assumed the hairdresser position. I curled my husband’s hair into Shirley Temple ringlets.
Randy hasn’t had a hair cut in over two years, so his hair is ridiculously long now. We chatted and he laughed with every new ringlet.
Me: I can’t wait until Joey gets home from work and sees this. He’s gonna shit.
Randy: OW! You’re burning my head.
Me: Don’t be a pussy. One suffer’s for one’s beauty.
Randy: Goddammit. Seriously, you are burning my scalp.
Me: I’m nearly done. Don’t be a baby.
Me: Don’t even say anything. See how long it takes Joey to notice.
I turned the curling iron off and fluffed Randy’s ringlets out. That sounds like a euphemism, doesn’t it? That’s right, I fluffed his ringlets out. I fluffed them out hard.
Joey noticed the second he walked into our room. Took one look at his dad and shook his head and said “There is something wrong with you guys. Seriously. I’m starting to think you shouldn’t be left alone.”
So, the hair styling event was a success.
My curling iron broke the next day. I used it four or five times and now the motor doesn’t spin. I don’t want to say Randy’s hair broke my new pink curling iron, but I think Randy’s hair broke my new curling iron.
Haha! This was great! I love that your husband is so cooperative – you guys are just way cool! I bet your son thinks so, too. He just wouldn’t want you to know that…
Thank you so much!
Of course, I can’t put all my thoughts down at once… I just realized I could never have this moment with my husband – he has no hair. I could, of course, look for a deal on a polisher…
Hahaha…that will work
That was just to funny. I wish my husband would do things like that.
Randy is usually agreeable to most things like that…he doesn’t care.
Those curling irons scare the shit out of me! Nothing good can come of allowing your hair to be drawn into an metal instrument that has volcanic temperatures and then to let said instrument spin your hair around — inside of the machine! No — just no! It’s bad enough that I already burn chunks of hair off when I flat iron (I never see it happen, but then the next time I go to straighten my hair, there will be these sections that are about two inches long — do you know how stupid that looks? (especially when I put my hair into a ponytail and they stick straight out).
I’m going to return it. I mean, it should at least work a little after a few uses.
I’m sending it back and getting my money back.
Your Randy is a much braver husband than mine (although he has natural curls – so there is that.)
And your son? He is funny!
Randy’s hair is curly too..so he had ringlets. adorable. hahahahha
That’s awesome 🙂
Thank you!!!
I’m with Angie – I’d need a buffer and polisher !!!!! I love how funny you guys are – but I’m with you on not really arguing but just getting pissy with each other for a while.
I’ve seen those curling thingies but wondered how good they were – if yours broke so quickly maybe I’ll stay with my straight hair – although it has turned more to a bit of a frizz since menopause hit 🙁
K would have died laughing if she had walked in and A’s hair was all curled. When I met him he had this afro style happening because his hair curls when it’s long – it was long enough for him to accept a dare and play a baseball game with plaits in it.
Thanks again for letting me start the day with a laugh – just what I need on a Monday morning.
Me xox
🙂 I am glad you liked it. And yes..don’t waste your money..they are crap.
I wanna be like you guys when I grow old….
I suspect you will be, gorgeous.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha thanks for the morning laugh! Much of my last 20 days has been consumed with the brouhaha over our school’s principal changing summer reading from “required” to “optional” partially because a very small minority of parents complained about the book’s f-bombs. I’m thinking you would not have been in that group LOLOL. 🙂
Oh for fuck’s sake. DO they think their kids aren’t aware of the word ‘fuck’? Just let them read the books.
I need to come hang out with you and Randy. You seem to have a lot more fun at your house. Hubby always wears a flat top …. but there was the time we dressed him in an evening gown and full make up to play in a charity softball game and they put him on the front page of the Cincinnati Post…he was humiliated. It was so cool! I couldn’t have planned it better if I’d tried.
Randy would die. That is hilarious!
Your husband has enough hair to curl, right there he wins the rocking the 50’s! Of course his hair broke it. I know mine would certainly if it could ever get out of my rat nest.
His hair is down the middle of his back. I don’t want him to cut it.
Ha ha ha, I can’t laugh out loud as I’ve actually lost my voice but I’m laughing inside!
oh honey….I hope you feel better soon. We’re not starting this shit again, are we?
I’m the gal who cries that her scalp is getting burnt and then gives her new curling iron away!
I love that you two have such special moments together! And, with your son too!! 😛
Thank you!!!!
you guys are absolutely ridiculous – and I LOVE that! My husband has almost no hair left so he isn’t a contender for Shirley curls but I’m still smiling at the thought of your son coming home and thinking – oh no they’ve been at it again! ~ thanks for the laugh ~ Leanne
HAHAH..yeah, the boy doesn’t stand a chance….poor kid
Do I hear “On the Good Ship Lollipop….” in the air? Rock on!
I so should have video’d the whole thing.
One more reason to love you! This is hysterical! Just one question: No pictures??? I’d pay to see them 🙂
Hahah…Randy does have his limits…so no pictures.