So, we’re driving to Middle Sister’s house to have Christmas lunch with the family. The drive was lovely. I love downtown Cincinnati, it’s a beautiful city. Traffic wasn’t horrible and the other driver’s were mostly behaving. I was playing Scramble on my phone and feeling peace and goodwill toward man until Randy harshed my Christmas buzz.
Randy: Are you going to behave today?
Me: What? When do I not behave?
Randy: Are you going to take a swing at your old man? I’m not going to have to stop you from beating up your dad am I?
Me: I was having a fine time. I wasn’t even thinking about my dad. You had to go and ruin the Christmas mood.
Randy: Well, I need to know if I’m going to need to corral you or not.
Me? Corral me? Are you fucking kidding me? First of all, I’m not a goddamn horse and secondly, you aren’t my goddamn parent. You don’t get to corral me anywhere.
Randy: It’s my job as your husband to help you deal with stressful situations and I know your dad stresses you out.
Me: Well, that would have been a nicer way to put it originally.
Randy: I was using shorthand.
I’m pretty sure he thinks this is going to be his get out of jail free card for all the things he says that annoy me. He’s terribly wrong. Although I admit, when he makes me laugh, he’s more likely to not get hit with the wall of freeze that I’m capable of constructing in a matter of seconds. He’s also less likely to get a punch on the arm.
Honestly, since I tore my rotator cuff my punches aren’t all that impressive anymore.
Also, it was Christmas and I knew Middle Sister’s chocolate chip cookies were in my future. It’s hard to stay annoyed when cookies are in the immediate future.
Have you recovered from the holiday? Or are you feeling like Jabba The Hut, like me?
BRING ME COOKIES…Huh huh huh huh…..
It’s funny how wording can make a huge difference! I can’t imagine how the conversation would go around here if my husband told me his job was to corral me. Ha! It wouldn’t be pretty, but I do understand the intention there, which, I guess, is kinda nice 🙂
He knows exactly what he’s doing when he says shit like that.
I guess I shouldn’t bitch about it..it does give me blog post material. 🙂
I just gave up trying to get the wording of phrases perfect a while ago. A- no matter what I seem to try it never seems to go over the way my wife wants, B- I don’t use special code with anyone else, C- consideration goes both way…do you have any idea how stressful it is to worry 24/7 about how the next innocent conversation will be interpreted? If I say what I mean, how I mean it then my wife actually winds up understanding me better. And not to be a dick (or maybe…I don’t know, this comment hasn’t actually been about you for a couple sentences so it’s hard to keep track) if you do shit that needs to be corralled, you don’t get to be pissy when the person who is going to do the corralling brings it up. If you don’t think it’s his responsibility to step in for you…you’re right. If you don’t care about the possibility of an altercation, cool. But chances are no one else is looking forward to one. Or the car ride home after one. Or the conversation about how right you were and wrong the other person was. Suck it up…we all know that you’re not a horse.
Sorry…that kinda turned into a rant about my wife trying to control my speech patterns.
Fair enough. I think Randy and I have lived with each other long enough to know how to push each other’s buttons. It just depends on how boring the car trip is as to whether we decide to push or not. 🙂
HA..all good points…but he’s STILL not going to say something about ‘corralling’ me without me having a response..it’s how we work. 🙂
No worries, I’m married…I understand quirks.
Too bad about your rotator cuff but I always thought a kick was a good as a punch any day ;).
Re: The holiday bloat- I’m all Jabba the Hut up to my grill. I haven’t been to the gym in a week and I’d been eating like shit for two weeks before that. I just started dead lifting about a month ago but I’m only up to 100 lbs because I go to a gym in a small community and they only have dumb bells. My weak woman hands have trouble gripping dumb bells over 50 lbs. Anyhow I’ve just been telling myself I’m dirty bulking so I can build better muscle. The intellectual part of me knows I’m lying but the glutton in me is all for it. I’ll bottom out eventually- probably just AFTER the last of the cheesecake is gone. Waste not. Want not!
Well..how about this? It happened..we know it happened..it’s the holidays. Now they’re kind of over other than new year’s eve. I’m going to forgive myself and on Monday..get back at it. I have to. I feel like crap.
Aside from my apartment being destroyed, I’m well over Christmas
(and my destroyed, I mean there’s crap everywhere. There’s the stuff I threw around while packing, the stuff I packed that I haven’t had the energy to put away and all the new things that haven’t found a home yet).
….I may need to clean tomorrow.
Our house isn’t too bad. Hubs office is still filled with wrapping paper schrapnel, though.
I was gonna say something about us all making mistakes from the point of view of actually being one, but ah, well, nope… I got nothing. Except maybe that I hope you figure it out or something, because from what I’ve read here I like you both.
HAHA…we’re fine. This is normal communication for us.
Ha! You’re right. We may actually be related.
With you on the narcissistic father. I was told to just play nice since he comes around so little to any family thing. He always comes a week early or late for any holiday. I finally broke this year and yelled at all of them that the reason he acts like a spoiled brat is because everyone gives in to his ridiculous demands and that I was putting my foot down with him. The response was but that is just how he is… You know that. And then he called up his 85 year old mother and ripped her a new one for setting me off. We are still picking up the pieces. What is wrong with these people letting him treat his mother and others this way? Why has no one stopped him?
I don’t know. It’s maddening. I think they are so good at setting the stage. Do what I want or you will Pay and pay and pay….and we learn to walk on egg shells. I’m sorry you have to deal with that. I know how damaging it is.
Whatever happens, I must not allow my boyfriend to catch wind of this “shorthand” concept. He is already a man of few words, this would not help me at all…
And! I’m assuming you survived the family time?! I am glad to see Christmas behind us, but not so much because it was horrible, just because of the anticipation and anxiety around it. Next year will be a walk in the park now.
2014, huzzah!
Oh yes…it was stress free. Actually, it was really nice.
We’ll do the same thing we’ve done every single new year’s eve for the past 18…stay at home. Alcohol will be involved.
I’m glad you made it through your holiday!
We’re over and done and had a lovely day. I hear you on the shorthand. After 27 years, we don’t even speak full sentences on our way to the get togethers… it’s more like..
Him: “Do you think they’re going to…”
Me: “They better NOT-”
Him: “Well, we can always…”
Me: “Why doesn’t someone just-”
Him: “I know, I KNOW.”
Punching would be awesome. I have a few overdue punches left in me, and one good shoulder left.
Also a voicemail from my dad, waiting for me to respond to… so there’s THAT.
Otherwise a quiet and lovely week so far–and yes, alcohol will be involved for stay-home New Year’s. 😀
Merry Christmas