Swear Hard Enough To Dent The Universe

Posted on by under Life

Do thoughts matter? I mean, I know they matter to us, but do our thoughts affect anything outside our own heads?

Do they? I don’t know.

Some people pray and have absolute faith in those prayers. Others believe what you release to the universe, the universe returns to you. Some people believe when they die, they will go to heaven or return to earth in a different body for a brand new go around.

I don’t have any of those beliefs. I wish I did. It would be nice to believe that my thoughts and prayers might materially affect the outcome of an event. But I don’t. That doesn’t mean I don’t try. I always try. Just in case. 

It’s not that I don’t believe in anything. I do.

I continue to believe humans are more good than evil, even though that belief has gotten it’s ass thoroughly kicked this year. I don’t know if I still believe there is more good than evil because I need to believe or if I actually think it’s true. Tomato tomahto.

I believe I have no real understanding of both how vulnerable and resilient humans are. I believe I don’t want to have that understanding. I feel like I’m hanging on by a thread enough as it is, I don’t need to have that thread snapped by a more realistic view of reality.

I believe in swearing.

For all that is fucking holy, I believe in swearing. Sometimes, balling up my fists, squinching my eyes shut, and shouting “motherfucker” is the only thing between me and me stuck in a fetal position.  I honestly do not understand why more humans don’t embrace the excellence of cursing.

I have been taken to task for cursing.

My favorite comment is one that is oft repeated: “People who have to use curse words aren’t clever enough to find a better way to say something”. Or some variation of that comment.

Two things. No, wait. Three things.

First, and this one is important, fuck you. Fuck you and your supercilious, self-righteous, unsolicited opinion. Doesn’t it feel sillyuniverse to get wadded up over the word “fuck”? I mean, really. The word fuck is versatile, satisfying to say, and is the perfect blend of the “fuh” and “kuh” sounds. If we’re going to get offended over words, we should stick with words that marginalize, denigrate, and insult our fellow humans.

Secondly, where on earth did you get the idea cursing and cleverness are mutually exclusive? How does that even make sense? What is this assertion based on?

And lastly, you tell me what is more satisfying to say: “I am not enjoying your behavior and my desire is that you leave my presence immediately.” or “Fuck off.”?

Okay, see? I feel better already.

A little ranting with a moderate amount of cursing and I can take a deep breath again.

Randy is often the inspiration and recipient of my most creative cursing. I feel like I miss out on creative cursing when he’s not at home.

I’m like a tea kettle, you guys. Seriously. How am I supposed to release some of this anxiety without having Randy here to be so annoying that I curse hard enough to bend space and time?

♦♦♦♦

Dude has been MIA for a couple weeks. In Randy’s defense, life has been a little hectic lately. Dude’s back now and better than ever. I guess.

 

 

 

 

 

54 Thoughts.

  2. Absa-fucking-tively agree.
    And to be absolutely snobbish about it, some of the most pea-brained, least educated, least- interested-in-other-human-beings-or-the-world-around-them people I have ever met are the ones who have a problem with fuck.
    They think they’re superior merely because they don’t have to resort to bad language.
    Get a fucking grip.

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  4. We used to ply the game: which part of speech can “fuck” not function as”? Apparently only a preposition. You can say “get the fuck off my lawn” but it acts as a modifier in this case. Fucking complicated, grammar.

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  6. I’ve always held the fervent belief that a good “fuck” (and you can take that both ways) can do wonders for your well-being! All hail the “F” word!!! 🙂 And, for fuck’s sake, welcome home, Randy! Haha!

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  7. I think you are nearly there. You are agonising over good and evil and this is the basis – for how can there be good and evil in a Godless universe? Where could such a moral code come from? Evolution? I don’t think so.

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  8. Fucking Dude is back! Dude is fucking back? Dude is back fucking? (O.K. That one sounded bad). But YAY! Dude is back. And so is Randy! (I think I’ll leave the word fuck out of any Randy related comments).

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  12. Ha! So much “YES!” I love folks who try to tell me that people will think less of me when I swear. I’m happy for them to point this out, as people who think less of me when I swear are people who suck all of the oxygen out of a room, in big, stuffy, snoot-fulls, so I’m happy to recognize them and move on to better fucking people. And Doug’s video is one of my all-time-favorites.

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  13. A few years ago I heard about a study that had people stick their feet in ice water. The ones who were allowed to swear could stand it longer than the ones who weren’t.
    Swearing has some fucking power.

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    • Dude, I pinched the pad of my left ring finger in a closet door the other day. I have huge blood blister. It hurts like a bitch. I made up some new words…

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  14. Kurt Vonnegut said that cursing gives people who already don’t want to listen to you an excuse not hear what you have to say.

    Or something like that.

    I’m not sure that is true anymore. Or at least not regarding people who would be open tomy words anyway.

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  15. I want to say I am a Christian. There is no doubt about that. But trust me, if I cannot say fuck in traffic, silently at particular co-workers, when life turns out to be a cluster fuck, which it has been lately, I would kill someone. Kill someone and not look back. I too believe it is something that is a pressure release. The self-righteous bitches have never experienced life, apparently. Those of us who love passionately, take chances and live life need to say a hearty fuck you and the horse you road in on sometimes.

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  16. When our grandchild was born recently, my husband tried to shame me into cleaning up my infamous potty mouth with something like, ‘now you’re a grandma, you should watch your language.’

    Fuck off, you cocksucking grandpa. Why should our grandchild be more deserving of a better role model than our own kids? That ship has fucking sailed.

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    • That is awesome. I also have not cleaned up my language for my grandkids or niece and nephew. My sister tells my that I am the swearing gauge for my niece as in “He swears a LOT, but not as much as Aunt Shell”. Hahaha

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    • Kate,
      I literally just found this blog. This is my first post to read. I don’t know who you are but I fucking love you! You almost made me spit out my coffee with the cocksucking grandpa comment. Ha!! Great post Michelle. I’m looking forward to reading more.

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  18. Can we please ban the word ‘frigging”? If people cannot say “fucking” then they should really keep their fucking pie hole closed. Sheesh

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  19. Oh, the “not clever enough to not swear” thing. Whenever someone says that, I’m reminded of the character of Debra on Dexter, who famously made “fuck” a verb, noun, adverb, gerund, modifier, or whatever the fuck she wanted. Don’t ever tell me swearing isn’t creative or clever, because I will call you a magniloquent fuckpuddle and walk away smiling.

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  20. Thank you thank you! Just got blasted for letting out the motherload of profanity in a loved one’s presence. It felt awesomely good, and well i guess i offended him. 🙁 So then it felt awfully bad, like I’d been scolded… really wasn’t – just he didn’t like it and my world caved in. I took like 6 hours to let it go, couldn’t stop sulking. I’m still kinda devastated. Weird right? we’ve been together for 10 years and never has he ever said boo about anything I’ve ever said or done until yesterday – which is when i cursed more and more um colorfully than ever before. I needed it. I was also attempting to shake him up…. something about doctors prescribing abstinence of fruit and vegetables because they have sugar in them – to diabetics. (got you going? its true – one of his doctors did say this and love is believing them and refuses to eat those anymore for like 2 years. I’m pissed and fuck!!! that is so damn *(@&$)@ stupid!!!!!!! arghhhhhhh! haha. so you get the gist. I’m a tad angry about stupid people, using their positions of power to destroy people’s lives (my issue about narcissists – are most doctors those too?). How do ya’ll get over what happened to you as a child? I feel for ya.

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    • How he feels is his business…you just be you. Not as easy as it sounds, but I do believe that.

      As far as getting over what happened in childhood? I don’t know. I don’t know that I’ll ever be over it..I just want to not be miserable. And I feel like that is a choice 🙂

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      • Thank you Michelle. I was so hoping that there is an end point, like… its over, party time and I would feel like, I see that everyone else in the world seems to feel, that its okay to be alive and its okay to have wants and its okay to just be me (which right now might be really weird). But weird is okay as long as it is harmless to others.

        Anyway, yesterday he ate a salad at a Chinese buffett. No friggin way! He did, got up and made it and ate it, enjoyed it too. 🙂

        Thank you Michelle, for this blog, for this article in it, for this timing, and for the space for us to write in. I bow to the beauty within you and your sacred warrior walk.

        Reply

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