I’ve had a slow realization of internal changes that have been taking place for a few months now.
I’ve written about being the adult child of a narcissist and that shit wasn’t easy. I re-read every post and every single one of them was honest. But really? Still pretty motherfucking superficial. I talked about a lot of personal shit, but I still keep the core wrapped in bubble wrap with a moat of sharks with frickin laser beams protecting it.
Learning about Narcissistic Personality Disorder and being one of the adult children of narcissists has been eye opening and painful.
It’s hard to look at myself and acknowledge that who I am was at least partially shaped by my father’s mental illness. It’s frustrating to understand that I’ve got decades of my own mental illness issues to work through. I struggle with intimacy. I struggle with self worth. I struggle with anxiety and depression.
But the thing that I believe has done the most damage and that has held me back is that I have no idea what to do.
It’s been a while since I’ve written a narcissism post.
Maybe I’m wrong, but I think I might be coming to an end with these posts. I only planned on writing the one post, but received so much feedback that I thought maybe I should explore narcissism a bit more. I’m glad I did. It’s been helpful. The community I found was amazing, broken and gorgeous. I hope more than anything that we all find the peace we deserve.