Did you guys know there is a dating site for clowns?
I don’t mean people who act goofy or people who are assclowns. I mean the big nose and oversized shoes and seltzer water flower motherfucking CLOWNS.
Randy sent me a Buzzfeed article (By the way, Buzzfeed is the shit) about very specific matchmaking sites and while they are all very specific, I found the one for clowns the most fascinating.
I had to look it up. How can you NOT be curious about a dating site for clowns?
I didn’t delve too deep into the site because I already am not sleeping very well, even with my new friend Ambien. I truly didn’t want to have fucking Bozo and Ronald McDonald carving people up and then making waffles together in my dreams. Not that my dreams would be about THAT..they might actually be something weird.
I suspect the questions to find your mate on Find A Clown To Fuck (or whatever it’s called. It should be called Find A Clown To Fuck) would include the following:
- How many people can you fit in your car?
- Do you use buckets exclusively for water?
- Can you fit two dogs and three cats down the front of your pants?
- Do you have a closet exclusively for storing your rainbow colored suspenders?
- Are you always crying on the inside?
- Do you scare the fuck out of little kids?
At this point, I’m glad that my readership is relatively small because I’m sure this is very offensive to the clown community. If by chance, someone reading now is a clown and I’ve offended you, I am very sorry and promise to honk my nose three times in penance.
SERIOUSLY! There is a dating site for CLOWNS!
As it turns out..I AM NOT THAT FUCKING WEIRD!
I did look at the site though and it’s possible I posted a link on Facebook, but that’s not my fault.
I had to post the link. I have a friend who really hates clowns and since I adore her, I often post scary pictures of clowns for her. At bedtime. I thought this would be a welcome change. Although, personally, I find the scary clown pictures less disturbing.
I love Buzzfeed.
I love your humor.
As for sleep, here’s what I use: one-half dose of Zzzzquil (basically the main ingredient in Benedryl), L-theanine (nature’s Xanax), and 5-HTP (the stuff that’s in turkey that makes you sleepy).
My son-in-law’s mother dresses up like an evil clown for Halloween…she’s a hoot!
the ambien works pretty good..but it does cause some fucked up dreams.
And thank you!
This is fucking awesome! I so badly want to sign up for this (if I wasn’t already married and these sites are usually full of fucking weirdos anyways (no pun intended))! This online dating thing has gotten a little out of hand in my opinion. Soon there will be a bowling league dating site…
which would be at least a little more normal than a clown dating site. 🙂
test
Is this a pass fail…or will I get graded?
hahaah motherfucker…this was from the other day when I had technical difficulties. I was going to delete it but then saw that you commented.
And you get graded every day. You already know that.
I’m not a clown, but I am wearing big, red shoes.
Actually, it’s funny because I find the clown dating site to be one of the more benign sites on this list. I mean, Amish Online Dating? How? I don’t picture the Amish being too adept at using computers. Purrsonals? The motto: Meet the crazy cat lady of your dreams.
I want the kitten.
So funny! And while I LOVE your suggestion for the website name (Find A Clown TO Fuck) — I’m pretty sure that’s already taken by Match.com.
ba-doom-doom! (rim shot)
HAHHA…Dammit…and I thought I was being original!
LOL .. I saw that on Buzzfeed too (that site is the shit!) .. I fuckin hate clowns! Ever since Poltergeist when the fucker slid out from under the bed 🙂
HAHAH
Yikes.
What a world we live in….
Did you see the news article about the guy in England that was dressing up as Pennywise and just hanging around different places in town with balloons? I need some more spare time so I can do things like that.
I DID see that. I thought that was pretty cool.
Wow, that IS specific! But what happens when a boy clown meets a girl clown, and they get married? Do they have normal babies, or little clown babies?
I bet clown babies are adorable.
Even creepy bastards in face paint need love. Apparently.
I just envisioned it. It was creepy.
Sending now to friend who hates clowns…
You’re a good friend. I think it’s important that we help them through aversion therapy. And it’s fun.