Okay, taking rodents to the bank is a terrible idea. They will in no way help you with your banking transactions and they will probably skeeve the customers out. Probably best to keep your rodents out of all retail establishments and financial institutions. Also, why do you have rodents anyway? There are better pets.
Let me explain.
I was contacted recently by an author named Leslie Handler. She asked if I would read and review her book: Rats, Mice And Other Things You Can’t Take To The Bank.
Before we get to that, there is something you should know about this author and this book. She is donating all author proceeds to the 
National Alliance on Mental Illness. Because she can.
That is amazing to me.
As you know, mental illness is a common topic for me on Rubber Shoes In Hell. I know many of you deal with your own demons or have family members or friends who suffer from mental illness.
Here’s a chance for you to donate some money to a good cause and get a fabulous book to boot.
The cover was designed by Pulitzer prize winning cartoonist, Dwayne Booth, and it has a blurb from Jenny Lawson.
I so much enjoyed reading Leslie’s book. I am a total voyeur and I love reading memoirs and getting peeks into the lives of my fellow humans. This book was like a long, lovely conversation with an old friend.
Anyway, if you are looking for something new to read, consider this my recommendation to you. Jenny Lawson recommends it. That’s all you really need, right?
Now, hold on a moment, we’re switching gears.
I am way off my blogging schedule. Not gonna lie, I might be spotty for a bit. Please bear with me, life is moving at warp speed right now.
You guys, we are down to the wire.
Most of the big home improvement jobs are finished. We are doing detail work now and that is proving to be just as time consuming as the big jobs. I wish I could say we’re done painting, but that detail work includes a lot of touching up dings and splotches.
We plan to list our house in under a month. I mean, I guess we might make it. But damn, there’s still so much to do.
And I have to practice for the Erma Bombeck conference. So fucking excited to have been chosen to perform stand up again. I have been preparing my four minutes since the last conference two years ago, so of course I decided to change it a week ago. Because I am apparently not happy unless I am putting myself under pressure.
So, send me your good thoughts and remind me to take a few deep breaths. And to perhaps try to relax enough so that my knuckles aren’t quite so white.
Thanks for the book tip (sounds like just what I need right now!) and have MONDO fun at the conference!
Thank you! I know it will be a great time!
You will be GREAT! The house will be Not Your Problem in a very short time. You will be GREAT! (Oh, and by the way, you will be great.) You got this. Have fun, and put some “Easter Eggs” behind a switchplate or under a floorboard so the next peeps can have a giggle some day. You will be GREAT!!!! Just sayin’.
Hahhaha..I like that easter egg idea!
This is a fun post!! I mean, not fun that you are under pressure, but the part about enjoying the book review!!
Breathe.
Picture you in your new house, feet up on your coffee table in your new living room, Randy laughing in the new kitchen by the empty dishwasher…
Relax.
Erma has been your ‘shining moment’ before and it will be again. You thought of new stuff because it’s awesome!
Sip.
That wine right out of the bottle…
(or grab the whiskey and chug 😉 )
*mwah*
I will be doing a bit of chugging tonight. Hahah
I hope you can find time to relax and read and that really sounds like a fun book. One of the nice things about working for a library is I have an inside track to add books like this to the collection.
And as a writing teacher of mine used to say you have to read to write. So even if you’re not able to blog regularly I hope you’ll get some reading in and build up material. And you can take that to the bank.
I REALLY need to take more time to read. You are so right, you can’t write if you don’t read. I used to be voracious, but it has dwindled over the past two years.
I’m giving myself a break until we sell the house and buy a new one. But then I need to give reading a priority.
Chinchillas and guinea pigs are both rodents that make excellent pets and shouldn’t gross out anyone at the bank… though they would probably still wonder why you’ve brought your little pet in, since he can’t help with your transaction and shouldn’t know your PIN for security reasons. (I’m sure I read about a pile of hamsters in a trench coat draining multiple bank accounts before they were caught, using a combination of information they’d obtained from their owners and receipt-nabbing ground squirrels.)
Regardless, the book sounds excellent and with such stellar recommendations behind it how can I resist?
HAHAHHAHAHAHHAH omg a pile of hamsters in a trench coat. Brilliant.
Aren’t we all voyeurs? I mean, come on, who doesn’t?
also, changing things means it will feel fresh, and the audience will love it. I wish we could all go and cheer like mad for you!
I wish you could too!! That would be awesome.
Regardless of what you think, you’re brilliant at nearly everything you do, and as you were wonderful 2 years ago, there’s no reason to doubt that you will be as wonderful this year. (But you might want to bring Dude with you for security). And as one of YOUR loyal fans, I have every reason to think that in actuality, you’re really a superstar and can do anything you set your aspirations on. Anxiety be damned. (By the way, since you’ve just completed re-doing your house, you know what to look for in your next house. Look under that switchplate and floorboard of your new place so that you don’t have any surprises – They say ‘Buyer Beware’ for a reason)!
Performing stand up, surprisingly, is the least of my worries. I enjoy being on stage. I didn’t know I did until I did it, but I do.
What an awesome title! Like everyone said, you’ll be great and one day soon, this will be behind you. I’ve never had a rodent as a pet, though, and I try to stay out of banks.
My stepdaughter kept pet rats. I don’t know if they still have them or not. I will stick with my kitties.
I love when people are able to make a difference on many levels! Best of luck on all your projects/performances.
Right? Thank you!! xo
Thanks for the book tip. Looks like a good one, with a good cause.
As to the stand up, tons of good thoughts are coming your way. You’re brilliant, and you will do fine. Just un-clinch those fists and breathe…..
I fucking needed this just this minute. I read what you said and took a deep breath. I felt at least 20% better instantly. This was a shitty day. I’m hoping this weekend is productive
I knew a girl named Amber who had a pet rat named Gandhi (as in “My Ratma Gandhi) and while I doubt she ever took it into a bank, she did take it everywhere else, including a 7-11 where Gandhi crawled out of Amber’s sleeve and onto the counter while she was trying to pay.
The cashier screamed and the rat ran right back up Amber’s sleeve, after which the cashier just stood there in shock, staring at Amber, who just wanted her Reese’s peanut butter cups…
My friend Rob did the same thing (but not from his sleeve) with an opossum he found on the sidewalk outside of a little liquor store in West Oakland and for a minute I thought the cashier was gonna shoot him.
You will crush it at Erma, and I hope we get to see your performance.
Sometimes you have to just narrow your focus for a while to accomplish big things, but I have confidence that you will succeed.
And I hope that you’re feeling OK while it all comes down, and if not, then shortly thereafter…
The performance will be on youtube eventually. I think it took a couple months last time. Mid Summer, maybe? My Ratma Ghandi is brilliant. hahaha.
One time I was out with an old boyfriend and a friend of his. We were in my boyfriend’s Pinto and had hauled some kerosene heaters from someone’s barn to a party we were going to. Apparently, mice had been nesting in them because my boyfriend’s friend was in the backseat and he said in a super calm voice “Dude, a mouse just ran up my pant leg”. We laughed at him and just assumed he was already buzzed. But then a mouse ran over my foot. I was not as calm.
Ewwwwww
I am waiting for _your_ book. No sweat. Take your time. It’s gonna be a doozy. I know you got stuff to do…. Hey! Still waiting…
Have a blast at the conference!
I actually have worked on it a bit.
Two things:
1. I love memoirs, especially humourous ones, and with you AND Jenny recommending it, how could I NOT read this one?
2. Where and when is the Erma conference, in case it’s possible to get tickets to ATTEND (and cheer you on and stuff the ballot box and what? oh, me? THIS box? I’m just standing here eating this donut. I don’t know what you’re talking about. what?). You’re gonna kill, and I wanna be there for it. Plus, I don’t know if you remember, but meeting you in person would give me an opp to give you one of my patented Best Hugs In The WorldTM. For encouragement, ya know, without any hangover side effects.
The conference is sold out, but the stand up is open to the public. It’s at the university of Dayton, Saturday April 7 at 9 or 9:30. Something like that.
Dayton, as in Ohio? oh. um. I don’t think I’ll be hopping on a plane from LA for a Saturday night event in Ohio. Oh, well. I’ll try to send you a virtual hug around 4 o’clock (my time) to get you prepped.
YAY!! I will be waiting for that!