I still have a Facebook account and since the inception of that account and my need to record anytime I do something wrong, I never have to forget any of my bullshit.
Thanks to Facebook memories, I will never forget the time I:
Put a hole in my garage wall because I misjudged when I pulled my car in.
Got melted cheese from a prepared frozen dinner stuck in my eyelashes. (I was going to say “TV dinner” but I thought it made me sound too old.)
Walked barefoot across the floor in a hospital Emergency room. (I can still feel the MRSA between my toes.)
Tried using coffee grounds as a shower scrub.
Got pulled over for speeding.
Got pulled over for speeding, again.
Fell in a hole.
Had an actual argument with Randy over why we shouldn’t buy a used hearse as the family vehicle.
Bombed at an open mic. Really really bombed. (I can still feel the original cringe.)
Heard a police shoot out from the parking lot at my job. (I hauled ass through the parking lot to get into the building because it was close and if anyone is catching a stray bullet, it’s me.)
Mistook a piece of metal for a coiled up snake in the back yard. For hours.
Accidentally flashed the entire world at my doctor’s office. (I had a robe on, but it wasn’t closed and I walked into the bathroom from the examining room with all my shit hanging out. There were two doors in the bathroom. The other was wide open and there were many people milling about.)
Face planted in my boss’s office.
I’m sure I could list these all day long. Thankfully, anything I missed will just likely show up next year. Yay for memories!
To be fair, that last one? I was never forgetting that one anyway. It was years ago and I am just now admitting this pain in my shoulder isn’t going away and I need to see a doctor.
Never a dull moment in your life is there?!? The shoulder thing – yeah, see a doctor about that (should have been just after) as there are all sorts of issues you could have developed that are not even a little pleasant.
Unless you didn’t tell us, I don’t remember you ever bombing at an open mic. You may be too hard on yourself.
The hearse story I’d love to hear.
Be well.
It’s always something. There is actually a link to that story here. Just click where it is underlined.
The videos were great! As a plus for not getting the hearse – can you imagine the gas mileage for such a large vehicle? And what it would cost for a fill up?!?!?
So Facebook is good for something: it feeds you a never-ending supply of material because we all have so many embarrassing moments it’s easy to lose track of them. Although I can understand not forgetting flashing the world in the doctor’s office. But I’m also surprised you didn’t get flooded with stories from others because I’m pretty sure most of us have done that. It’s an inevitable consequence of hospital gowns.
Oh such funny and what the hell was one thinking memories, we may forget but Facebook doesn’t
Never had a Facebook (or Twitter) account. I was tempted to get a Facebook account after the Rilo Kiley message board died, and most of the friends I had there started a Facebook page, but I resisted, and that decision seems to look better and better as time passes.
Now that Rilo Kiley is going to tour again, perhaps Kevin will fire up the old message board again also.
Your Facebook story reminds me of Aimee Mann’s song “Jacob Marley’s Chain”:
But it’s not like life’s such a veil of tears
It’s just full of thoughts that act as souvenirs
For those tiny blunders made in yester-years
That comprise Jacob Marley’s chain.