You know how you can obsess over a task?
I don’t mean putting off cleaning the toilet. That doesn’t count as obsessing. Putting off cleaning the toilet is an example of ‘good’ avoidance.
My decisions don’t usually take long. I decided to paint my living room walls a deep red after spending 10 minutes looking at paint samples. It’s been over six years and I still love the color. I don’t have a problem with making decisions. My problems start after the decision is made.
I don’t obsess over all tasks, but when I do, I obsess with the ferocity of a crampy, menopausal honey badger who overslept, couldn’t find anything decent to wear and then got a nose bleed at work.
I’m working diligently on a book proposal. I outlined the book. I wrote a synopsis of each chapter. I nagged Randy to do the boring parts. I also kept skipping over the ‘premise’ part.
I feel confident that I can write this book. I can write every word. I can’t be expected to write the goddamn premise, though. I’m not a machine.
I’ve gone from feeling mildly anxious over writing the premise to actually waking up in the middle of the night and berating myself for an hour for not just writing the fucking premise.
I wrote the premise tonight, you guys. 274 words and I finally have that premise weight lifted off my shoulders.
I very often find it exhausting being me.
But really, this post isn’t about my book proposal. This post is about the book I am in.
I Still Just Want To Pee Alone (Volume 3) is available TODAY!
TODAY!
I am so excited to be included in this anthology. I am doing my best to not compare myself to the other contributors, but damn you guys, it’s hard. This collection includes work by some amazing writers. You won’t be sorry, so click the link and buy the book.
I also am going to ask another teensy favor. After buying the book, please leave a review on Amazon. And Goodreads, if you have an account.
That’s it. No more favors. Unless you want to send me baked goods. I love baked goods.
I’m also going to give a copy away. I will choose one person from comments. All you have to do to be included is tell me the dumbest joke you know. I don’t mean so dumb it’s funny. I mean the dumbest joke you know. Or give me a good desert recipe that is delicious, but easy to make.
Or you can just tell me you’d like to be included, but that isn’t as fun.
What’s White and Blue and can’t climb trees? A fridge in a Denim jacket.
Ha! That made me laugh. It was a bad joke..but it still made me laugh.
Wow! Very book! Such awesome! Congratulations! 😀
Thank you!!! You too!!
Yay, the book is out! Congratulations! I will tell you a bad joke, but will buy the book anyway and leave a review.
What’s green and hops across Australia? Skippy the cooking apple.
Well done for writing the premise. For me writing proposals and synopses is like pulling my own teeth, with pliers.
Ann, this is my first one and I have NO IDEA WHAT I AM DOING! I do know for sure, that they are no fun. No fun at ALL.
And Skippy? hahahah…I’m loving these dumb jokes. And laughing at them. I have no idea what that says about my sense of humor.
Okay I am buying the book! I really need YOU to get that book submitted so that I can have my time of gloating, saying “I know this author.”
hahah! I am working hard on it, sister..
CONGRATULATIONS!!!! The dream one day for me is to see my name in print… somewhere … in a book… not the obits or most wanted!
Hahah..yeah, those are not the places to see your name in print. and thank you!!
What’s an owl’s favorite subject at school?
“Owl”gebra!
Congrats!
HAHAH..okay…THAT is a dumb joke.
Thank you!!!
So, two strings walk into a bar. They sit down to order, when the bartender tells them to get the hell out, they don’t serve strings in his bar. The strings insist that they want a drink…so the bartender grabs them, roughs them up and throws them out into the street.
String one: “Well, that’s that.”
String two: “Oh, hell no. I’m getting me a drink”…
So string two ties himself into a knot and musses his ends up and marches back into the bar, sits down and hollars, “Bartender! Bring me a drink!”
The Bartender comes over and looks at him suspiciously and says, “Hey….aren’t you a piece of string?”
String two: “No. I’m a frayed knot.”
a frayed not..shaking my head. HAHAHA
Did you hear about the nearsighted gingerbread man? He’s reading your book now 🙂 thanks to the contact raisens.
HAHAHAH…oh man…THAT was bad.
Read it! Loved it! Reviewed it! I have to tell you….your story touched me more than any of them. I’m not just saying that. I’m right there in that place with my son (no spoilers!) and it had me laughing and crying. Excellent writing and I am thrilled for you! It’s wonderful!
You have no idea how much this means to me, sister. 🙂
2 guys walked into a bar. One ducked and the other said OUCH!
On a serious note, I am so fucking happy for you for being part of another book and for working so hard on your own book!!! It’s so exciting because now when you become a world renowned author, I can say I read your blog before you made it big! Hahaha.
Thank you, my friend. I have been working hard at this. Here’s to hoping it pays off!
There are never any traffic jams on the extra mile! 80% of people are writing a book – you are a rare one who has actually written a book. Congrats! I’ve love to be included in your giveaway.
Thank you! Haha..I still have a ways to go before my book is complete..but I am nearly done with the proposal, so GO ME!
Many many congrats Michelle! It was so wonderful meeting you in Nashville. I am definitely going to be a dutiful and happy consumer and buy the book! I also have great empathy with the whole writing a book thing… I think I am going to do the Fraxel thing just so I won’t want to go out in public for 2 weeks due to pieces of my face peeling off in sickly pale sheets – so I will write the damn proposal! Good luck with yours!
Hello! It was lovely to meet you as well!
I’m going to have to google fraxel. I don’t know what that is. It doesn’t sound pleasant, though. And good! Write the damn proposal! I plan to have mine completed and ready to go by the end of the weekend. 🙂
You’re having a pretty good week. First Norman, and now this! Woo hoo! Christmas, right?
Sister, I am having a FABULOUS week. 🙂
So exciting Michelle. Congratulations!
Thank you!!
Okay – I’m in the book too, so don’t include me in the giveaway since I already bought a stack of copies to regale myself with, but just wanted to say congrats and so honored to be in this book with you!
Right back at you!!
Congrats on the anthology release! But even more kudos to getting your own book started! It will be amazing.
Thank you!!!
What white and black and red all over?
A sun-burned zebra.
Pretty dumb.
Congrats on the book and on writing your premise. Isn’t it odd how we can obsess over not doing something and then when we do it wonder why we spent so much energy obsessing. I did this recently with sending in my taxes. The taxes were done. All I had to do was press submit. I was getting money back!!! It took me a week to open the frigging computer and press the send button
Sometimes I am as dumb as my opening joke.
sigh..sometimes I am as dumb as your opening joke, too. haha.
What do John the Baptist and Winnie the Pooh have in common? The same middle name.
I for one was not surprised to see your name amongst that impressive line-up of contributors. You are a friggin’ funny honey badger. Glad to hear you’re that much closer to your very own book. Happy Friday!!
Thank you so much!
Do you know why Six is afraid of Seven? Because Seven Eight Nine!!
hahah…they used that joke on Supernatural once.
Glad to see your eventual conquest of the publishing industry is continuing apace. If you’re feeling like a honey badger, make sure you don’t accidentally eat any snakes, snakes are nasty… What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite. It seems like I recognized at least half of the contributors to the pee-book, I guess I read a lot of blogs…
Well..I am eternally grateful that you read and support mine. 🙂
Oh God, those jokes were good. How many lightbulbs does it take to change a Latvian?
That’s the joke. (Latvians don’t change.)
Anita
haha. I did not know that about Latvians
When I was young, I had a friend that used to tell this joke:
“What does ham and cheese make?”
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
“a helicopter.”
I’m not kidding. That was the joke. word for word. and then she would laugh hysterically.
Hahahah…kids are great. Or high.
Courtesy of my then young son:
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
For some reason that made me and his sister laugh for about 20 minutes. Maybe deep down we’re evil…..
My 4 year old son just learned his first knock knock joke today:
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Someone too short to ring the doorbell
Ooh! Ooh! I want it haha! Congratulations! I am so happy for you! I can’t wait to read it. I’m at about 40,000 words and working hard at it.
O M G…you are getting there!!! awesome. I am at about 1400 but I plan to steal over 40k from my blog…so there’s that. haha.
Easy delicious dessert: Cut up one banana. Mix with one tablespoon Nutella. Microwave for 30-45 seconds. OMG – delicious!!!
Okay, that DOES sound amazing. 🙂
What’s white and tartan and stands in the corner? Rupert the fridge
…and well done you!
🙂
Hahaha..I adore you.
My husband just told me a lame joke. Thank you for providing me an outlet to share this “joke”.
Q: How did the farmer find his wife?
A. He tractor down.
He not only laughed but, after he told it, he shared it on Facebook. And he wonders why I didn’t take his last name.
You’re such a hard worker–you’ve inspired me to get my ass in gear. Thanks and good luck!
HAHAHA…I’m laughing at (with?) your husband as much as the joke. 🙂
I’m glad for the update on your book–I was about to drop a “How’s it going?” in a comment. And I can understand the difficulty of writing a premise. You’re writing the book. A brief synopsis has to be written by an objective observer. If you could sum up what you want to say in less than three-hundred words you wouldn’t be writing a fucking book. Except you did. Fantastic!
And here’s the worst joke I know: What’s brown and sounds like a bell?
DUNG.
It’s all in the delivery, but even the best delivery can’t make it a good joke.
Hahahah…yeah..even with good delivery, it’s still a bad joke.
Thanks for the encouragement. I plan to have it completed by Wednesday and will send it off then. That thought pulls all the air out of my lungs.
What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
The Holocaust.
You’re awesome, lady.
hahahah…that’s great. AND it’s true!
A book proposal? Well that’s daunting and exciting all at the same time!
I have a hard time writing a complete outline and sticking to it myself. And I have yet to write a synopsis for the novel I’m querying. Because I don’t wanna. Like, I haven’t submitted to the agents who want a synopsis with the query letter and sample pages.
It is daunting but we’re nearly finished. I’m just grateful for Randy’s help.
I don’t have a joke but I would love to win the book !!!!!
Congratulations !!!!