When I Am Quite Old (The Final Playlist)

I spoke with Randy about making a new playlist.

I want the list to start with 60’s bubblegum pop, then move on to campy songs from the 70’s. Songs like Spiders and Snakes by Jim Stafford and Dr. Hook’s Cover Of The Rolling Stone. After that, I want 80’s music, but I only want artists like Falco, Adam Ant, and Dexy’s Midnight Runners. You see where I am going with this? I want a playlist of nothing but cheesy music because that shit cheers me up. If I hear Mouth and McNeal play How Do You Do, I’ll smile at least a little bit.

As I sat and considered this playlist, I had a little daydream about my old self. Ancient, really. I lay in a bed after dwelling on this earth for over 90 years. What I want, more than anything, is to listen to this, the final playlist. A campy, silly playlist so that, when I breathe my last breath, I die with a smile.

In this fantasy, I looked very much like Jessica Tandy. In reality, I would be more Ann Ramsey. Randy doesn’t think anyone would know who Ann Ramsey is and then we had an argument over which reference would be more enlightening, Throw Momma From The Train or The Goonies. I am in the Goonies camp because I think more people would know who Momma Fratelli is over Randy’s suggestion of referring to her as ‘Owen’s mom’. I am not saying Throw Momma From The Train wasn’t a good movie, I just think more people know The Goonies. Unless they don’t, in which case, they make me sad. 

In my fantasy, I was desperately laughing and happy, determined to kiss and hug and touch all the people I love as many times as I could before I died.

Then it occurred to me…..I wonder…..what if I had her perspective? The future me who will look more like Ann Ramsey than Jessica Tandy. She would probably tell me that the time for the pursuit of that desperate happiness should already be underway. She would probably have more than an hazy understanding of how short our time on this earth really is.

I get it a little. I can’t believe I’m 52 and not 26. In a lot of ways, I am very much like 26 year old me. Most of the ways I am different are improvements, but in many ways, she and I are very much the same. I find it hard to fathom that I blinked my eyes a few times and doubled in age. I find it hard to believe that the toddler I had wrapped around my legs is now pushing 30 and balding. How in the fuck did that happen?

Sorry about the ‘balding’ comment, Zach…but we both know your forehead has been getting bigger for a while now. Haha. 

Still, I have to think, in the mind of very old me, I won’t feel much different than I do now. Although, I hope that I am more peaceful. I hope when I shuffle this mortal coil, that I’m eating something chocolate, listening to Billy Idol, and laughing with a great great grandchild. And when it’s time to go, that I will shrug and think…it’s cool. Might as well. It’s been fun.

That is the ending I want.

I dig getting older. I love so much about aging. I wouldn’t wish it away to be younger again. However, this thinking about death thing is kind of new. I am not as fond of the pondering death part of aging.

I’m thinking about putting this one away for another 8 years. That is when I’m due for my next colonoscopy. Anyway, might as well add ‘contemplate my own death’ on my to do list along with getting a camera shoved up my ass when I turn 60.

Until then, I think I will pack this little fantasy away. I still want to make the playlist, but I really need to stop thinking of it as the ‘soundtrack of my dying day’ playlist. It takes some of the fun out.

What do you want on your final playlist?

 

 

 

64 Thoughts.

  1. As soon as you said cheesy songs, ‘Sugar, Sugar’ popped into my head! Followed closely by ‘I Think I Love You.’ I will probably be Momma Fratelli, and wouldn’t that be more fun anyways?

  2. I remember hearing my mother exclaim, “When I look in the mirror I see an old woman with wrinkles, but inside I feel the same as I did when I was in my 20’s.” Now I find myself repeating her words…..I think I want “Love Shack” on my final play list!

  3. http://youtu.be/e69wQsfrbSU

    Not sure if this link will work… It’s an Australian anthem song from the 80s… I spent my uni years in clubs and pubs with live music… I lived with music and took photos for a record company… My daughter is gonna sing it at my funeral… My fave song in the world… I took her to see them do a reunion gig early this year and we bear hugged it out and sang very very loud …
    “throw your arms around me” by hunters and collectors

  4. Is it scary that I picked up on Anne Ramsey right away because I saw both in the and theater multiple times The Goonies and Throw Momma From The Train, saw both in the and theater multiple times, and love them both for pretty much the same reason? But I’m not gonna get all analytical.

    And I don’t want to sound like a downer but I want to go out on “Death of a Clown” by The Kinks. For pretty much the same reasons I love The Goonies and Throw Momma From The Train.

  5. Thank You by Jamelia, the lyrics make me cry but the song means a lot to me. Also Learn to Fly by the Foo Fighters and Metallica’s Nothing Else Matters. I’d have a few cheesy songs too but those 3 mean the most.
    My eldest is 26 and it makes me feel old but hopefully I’ll be here until my 90s too.

  6. Hmmm. Fifty two, let’s see what your saying ten years from now. The number of aches and pains has quite possibly tripled since I was 52. Be sure and write the list down. I had one for about 5 years or so before forced retirement and now I can’t remember any of them unless I hear them. Then it’s run for the paper to write it down. Damn, where did I put that piece of paper ?

  7. This is great!! My list would include the entire album of The Best of Gordon Lightfoot. The Periodic Table of the Elements, by Tom Lehrer. The Best of the Alan Parsons Project, because the whole damn thing is introspective. Also, Margaritaville, and Escape (the pina colada song) because obvious.

  8. Tell Randy I, for one, got the Goonies reference and not Throw Momma from a Train. Maybe because I’ve seen Goonies about 17 times.

    I like your idea of a cheesy, happy playlist for the waning days. Except, I can never remember the names of songs. I do like Sugar, Sugar and Spiders and Snakes, so they’ll have to go on the list.

  9. When we get to are age dam fine age to !!
    We can have whatever play list we like
    Ain’t no stopping us now where on the move (by ?) and wake up everybody Harold Melvin and that bad ass bitch Aretha Franklin ! David Cassidy Aaaa brings a smile to my face . Come on Eileen warms the heart for sure thank you xx

  10. Love your tunes, michelle! Fun. I can’t believe you know the musicians for some of these songs. My list? Sing for the years by Aerosmith, Bartender by Dave Matthews, then some of my childhood faves Undercover Angel, I like dreaming by Kenny Nolan. I had to look that one up 🙂 I love Sugar, Sugar. Your reference to Throw Mamma From the Train—I loved Mama and thinking you’ll be her in old age is hilarious!

  11. I don’t know, maybe the first Boston album? It was kinda cheezy, but sounded really good at the same time. An honest take at a retrospective playlist would necessarily extend my faltering life by at least another year, and that would be leaving out a bunch of stuff. But whatever I came up with, the last tune should be “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life” from The Life of Brian.

  12. First: I’ll be stealing this topic for my blog. OBVIOUSLY.

    Second: When you mentioned your son’s expanding forehead, it made me think of something that happened a couple of weeks ago. I found an old picture of my almost-ex and showed it to Precocious Daughter. He was 25, playing with our new puppy (RIP), and I had taken the picture from above and behind him so you could his (then-but-no-longer) full head of hair. PDaughter has never seen him without a big old bald spot, and she just laughed and laughed. (To be fair, I then showed her a picture of my huge red perm from the same time period, and she laughed and laughed at that, too.) Getting old is a bitch sometimes, but sometimes it’s just about OK.

  13. i’m an Aussie, so definitely more of an antipodean flavor for me.
    Having said that, the song that makes me jump around with joy whenever I hear it is Elvis’ Way Down. There’s an appropriateness to that, I reckon! Particularly given someone told me the song was released posthumously.
    Michelle, I’m gonna have to blog about this one too sometime, it’s a cracker of an idea!

  14. Gene Watson’s ‘Farewell Party’, for one, and also Miranda Lambert’s ‘The House That Built Me’. I also always loved Dan Seals’ ‘My Old Yellow Car’.
    OMG, and ‘Waltz Across Texas’, by Ernest Tubb. Okay, ready now. Well, maybe not quite. . .

  15. As a fellow 63 baby, you gotta have Freebird (which my spellcheck, probably programmed by a 19 year old, just try to change to Freebie) Sad…

  16. Well that was a fun trip!
    Watching the Archies reminded me why my kids always felt sorry for me when I showed them “my” old cartoons. How weird was that shit? And since we’re the same age M, I’m giving you the nod for your list lol. What a great idea for a send-off! If only we could plan ahead with certainty! I’d be happy to resemble Ms. Tandy NOW. That woman was elegant. I’m pretty sure I’ll look more of like Sloth’s older sister. And trust me, when I’m at the end of my road, I’ll most likely not remember how to operate the music-playing device. Yup, I can totally see myself messing that up, and my last thoughts will be, “aw for fuck’s sake!” – if I’m lucky enough to still be slightly lucid. I’m considering borrowing your playlist in about 8 days, when I’ll have the camera up my ass. (I wanna sing along to “How do you do” while the doc’s taking a good look.)

  17. Michelle! Omg I haven’t been on my blog reading for evah. Missed your voice :). I will try to be better…

    Love your list. I don’t have one because it’s early and I haven’t had enough caffeine, plus lately I’ve had Whitney Houston stuck in my head, and I wasn’t even a huge fan before, so what is *that*about? My list would get too long and I’d probably be all “wait, I can’t die yet..I haven’t finished listening to all the songs!” It would definitely have some old Def Leopard and 38Special in it, because 80s, dude. 😉

    Gotta go– I’m kayaking today because summer is giving us one last day.

    Have a great weekend!

  18. My list would be very, very long, however I think Monty Python’s ‘Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life’ would have to be on there, along with something from The Cramps, probably ‘Surfin’ Bird’ and I’d have to have ‘Friggin In The Riggin’ because I intend to remain wildly inappropriate into my dotage!

  19. Hi Michelle,
    I’m new to your site. I must say I have been laughing my ass off. I too am 52, how the fuck did that happen.? There is SOOOOOO much music I love I don’t know where to begin. I do have a funeral party list to be played ( with a closed casket), and only Good pics of me displayed. LOL.!! There will be dancing!! Damn now I’ll be writing lists of music for the rest of the day while watching football.!! Music IS life. Turn it up LOUD!!!

  20. Well, thanks. At the mere mention of Goonies my mouth started watering for a Baby Ruth. OK that was maybe partially my period’s fault, but it’s about to get ugly up in here, regardless.

  21. Jethro Tull’s “Life’s a Long Song”.

    Life’s a long song,
    But the tune ends too soon for us all.

    And “Won’t Get Fooled Again”

    🙂

  22. In this case, Randy wins. I didn’t know who Ann Ramsey was until I saw the Throw Momma from the Train reference. It’s easy, because in that movie, there are really only three characters to remember…and two of them are men. As soon as I pictured her, THEN I got the Goonies reference. Also, when you kick the bucket, it’s fine to be eating chocolate and listening to Billy Idol – but you might want to send the great-grandkid out of the room first. Can you imagine the trauma if great-grandma keeled over right in front of you? That kid would never be able to eat chocolate again! Some suggestions for your playlist: Anything from the Guardians of the Galaxy soundtrack, it has some great tunes (however, it also has the Pina Colada song by Rupert Holmes – I know it’s not your favorite, but it doesn’t get cheesier than that!)

  23. I love the idea of the final playlist. Great thoughts! I can relate to being 52 and can’t believe you’re not 26…I’m 51 and I can’t believe I’m not 7. (btw…you win the Ann Ramsey argument…I’m the someone out there that knows exactly who she is without your explanation.)

  24. One day, you and I will have to meet somewhere and compare playlists.
    I imagine this meeting to be where we are both serendipitously in the same Old Folks Home for Weird Fuckers. We are sitting there, enjoying a light breeze and the sight of the fab buns of the newest intern when the conversation turns to music.

    YOU: Oh, I like all kinds of music.
    ME: Same. I used to say my playlists would give a person heartburn.
    YOU: Oh yeah?
    ME: Yep.
    YOU: …You got spunk.
    ME: Thanks. Let’s go take over the music lounge. Those fuckers can’t dance anyhow.
    YOU: It IS harder to mosh when your bones break on a whim.
    ME: Too true, Mama. Too true.

  25. Love this. What would I choose? Hmmm . . . definitely The Dance by Garth Brooks. Several songs by CCR, because I can’t live – or die – without CCR. Silence is Golden – just because. Oh, so many. I’ll go into a huddle and think . . .

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