So, after spending a day contemplating the notion that the whole “new year” thing is a silly made up concept, I decided to embrace it.
Time ticks away at the same rate, regardless of how we measure the time. How we measure time has no bearing on time passing. Days flow as they do. The calendar dates are meaningless.
Still, we humans love a second chance, don’t we?
We love a chance to start over. New year? I’m going to change everything! This year is going to be great!!
I spent a day rejecting this notion. What’s the point of fooling myself?
Then today, I decided perhaps a fresh start is what I need.
I’m not going to get all crazy or anything. I’m still not making resolutions. It’s more like a few changes.
Randy has been nagging me now, literally for years, to start an editorial calendar. When I tell you guys I fly by the seat of my pants, I’m not joking. I have no plans for this blog. I never know what I’m going to write about. Sometimes, my head gets so backed up that I can write 4 or 5 posts in a day or two and am set for a while. Then, I publish those posts and am left with the certainty that I’ve finally dried up. I have nothing left. Nothing makes me feel worse than searching my brain for something to write and all I can see is a sooty, empty attic.
If I kept an editorial calendar, that would help me organize. Keep me on track. Give me a chance to do something like a fully functioning grown up.
So, I started reading this article on creating an editorial calendar for a blog. The first sentence talked about the importance of keeping a calendar so that you deliver regular but varied content that is relevant to the needs of your audience.
The needs of my audience?
HAHAHAHAFUCKINGHAHAHA!
This isn’t that kind of blog.
Who needs to read about the shit I write about? I’m not offering suggestions to propel you forward in life. I’m not giving instruction on how to improve yourself or your surroundings. I don’t even have any good recipes.
I also have a hard time reading articles where the first sentence talks about delivering varied but regular content that is relevant to the needs of my audience. Seriously, typing that twice nearly made me cry. I want to read shit that makes me laugh. I didn’t finish the article. I read that sentence and decided to write a post instead. I’ll forward the article to Randy, he loves to read that shit. He reads marketing books. For fun. We are so much alike in so many ways, but when we are different, we are very different. He also likes yogurt. But I guess if he wants to eat Satan’s butt paste, that is up to him.
I guess an editorial calendar would do me good. Maybe, I’m too hard on myself. I mean, if y’all wanted to read instructional blog posts or serious dissertations on heavy or complex subjects you’d be reading Buzzfeed or Cracked and not my blog.
I can only offer my observations. Sometimes my fucked up conversations with Randy. And sometimes my darkest fears and pain. Well, or at least as dark as I’m willing to go. I’m not really sure what lies at the bottom of that well. I don’t think I want to know. The rest of the time, I just try to be funny.
All I know for sure, is that I’m glad you guys are here and want you all to know how much I appreciate your support and your kind words. I’ll keep going, whether I organize or not.
Oh, and remember, when I said I was considering writing some sponsored posts? Well, I actually got a client. I’ll be writing that post in a few weeks. So, I guess I didn’t scare all the potential clients away.
Wish me luck.
I am no fan of yogurt – but I’m pretty sure Satan’s butt paste is porridge. Yogurt is cold. It has to be hot as Hades up there. Yogurt would begin to smell. Although maybe that’s why he smells like sulphur.
Ooo. I digressed. We write the same way. My pants get frequent flyer miles. Keep doing what you’re doing. I love it.
HAHHAHA..frequent flyer miles. THAT is awesome.
Gimme what I want, what I really really want! 🙂
(Now you’re all stuck with that in your heads today, Hahah 🙂 )
OoohhHHh…this is about NEED!
Are you fixing something that isn’t broken? Have I acted like I thought you needed to ‘up your game?’
(I’ve been going through a ‘prove yourself’ scenario at work…I might be a little sensitive to giving people what they need vs what I want them to have. Age old dilemma. According to *shudder* Daddy. )
Darling. A lot of people (Not us, fuckin’ ‘eh) need order and predictability instead of pills and wine. They write stuff like that to make people like us feel guilty about ‘winning’ in our uncontrolled and ‘lucky’ life approach.
I LOVE the way you come up with stuff. I LOVE the way something catches your attention, and I LOVE the glimpses into your ‘home.’
However YOU want to write and blog and surmise and ponder here, in your ‘home,’ is what keeps people like me curious and invasive.
Like a hungry raccoon 🙂
Sooo… I’m all for ‘self-help’ in any realm. Especially if the ‘self-help’ is going to help the relationship with me 🙂
But, I don’t have that ‘need’ here.
And I ‘want’ to keep reading the spontaneously fucked up and endearingly relevant stuff you come up with without any help from a ‘regular and varied’ content rule that some nit-picky, obsessive control freak thinks will keep the rules written in stone.
But, hey, it’s your blog. Do what you want… whatever.
(But, does that ‘authoritative blogger’ follow you? Then he doesn’t know what he’s missing and is obviously writing without enough information to provide adequate counsel. Jerk )
Can I have a bite of your oatmeal, Terri Lee? We might be here awhile, making sure no one else tries to tell Rage-M what we ‘need.’
🙂
Congratulations on wooing the money!! (That one you might have to follow a few rules for 🙂 )
I am so crushing on you right now. 🙂
DITTO what Lisa said!! You Rock!
Thank you. 🙂
Good Morning Pam 🙂 Thanks! I sounded kinda ‘Rage-y’ myself… didn’t I?
*beams big swooney smile at Michelle*
Got scared someone was gonna try to change my new routine that I’ve become quite comfortable with !! 🙂
Lisa K, you may certainly have a bite of my oatmeal! You can also have a taste of my “Satan’s raspberry butt paste”! That’s my personal favorite! HAHA!
I whole-heartedly agree with Lisa’s assessment of your fabulous blog. I’ve never been quite sure how “orderly and organized” people get through life without constantly putting themselves to sleep. My life, at times, has been a roller coaster of emotions and situations. Reading your blog and finding the best people in the comments section–a-hem, you know who you are–haha!–makes me feel right at home.
I tried home blogs and recipe blogs in the past, but have never stuck with them. As soon as they start listing all the things you need and steps to take to accomplish their “perfection”, I click off. I think, “Oh, you actually have to DO all that yourself?” Never mind! It’s as if I somehow thought it would all just come together on its own. Like magic! 🙂
I am also like those little ravenous raccoons, devouring Michelle’s words with laughter and also empathy, when she’s in a more somber frame of mind. But, unlike the little furry, masked visitors we’ve had here, I promise to never shit in Michelle’s pool! HAHA!
And congratulations, Michelle, on landing a sponsor! It wouldn’t happen to be a maker of Satan’s butt paste, would it? :::wink, wink:::
*handing over a fresh bowl of cinnamon oatmeal to Lisa*
Hahaha..nope. No butt paste. I would have to turn that down because no way I could evaluate it. I fucking hate yogurt. blah.
Good Morning, Terri Lee 🙂 Had to run yesterday and looks like I missed out on the ‘All Heil, Michelle and her unorthodox view of blog advice shunning.’
Damn. Work. Because.
*chews cinnamon oatmeal thoughtfully*
No, … I gotta go back today, too.
Raccoons shit in pools? Those little buttheads, I thought they were just mischievous and curious. I would NEVER shit in the pool 🙂
OK, now that I’m not so angry and scared that someone is trying to ruin our good fun over here, I can say that the only advice I follow anymore is what feels right in my tummy and what doesn’t make all my voices (except for that one that’s ALWAYS being cocky) scream, “No Fucking Way!”
Us girls, especially, get told from earliest training…(Narcissistic child rearing aside) to ignore our gut feelings and reactions. It took us (ME!) a very long time and lots of money to come to the realization that what works for others doesn’t work for me. I used to think it was soooo unfair.
This ‘blogging era’ has done more for me therapeutically than 90% of my high priced therapists and prescriptions combined. (Librium gets it’s 10% because that shit works 🙂 And I can follow ‘survivors of stupid people,’ ‘horse trainers-going-Olympic’ and the meanderings and ponderings of the like minded people that read what I’m reading.
Here’s the part nobody ‘advises’ about to bloggers, I’ll bet: You are creating a condition for humans to interact in a world that is fast becoming ‘human-interaction-less.’ And from what I’ve observed, humanity is adapting just fine. Some of us even like it better this way.
(you’re all imagining I look just like Jennifer Aniston, right now, aren’t you? 🙂
*pulls up Angry Bird jammie bottoms*
*scrapes the last of the MOST wonderful cinnamon oatmeal from the bowl*
I will have to read some more about this ‘Satan’s Butt Paste’ you’ve created over here… Terri Lee? Is the raspberry one organic? Can Satan go organic? Or is everything from the fires of hell ‘naturally flame cured?’
This is where I could start a blog… what to eat when what goes in doesn’t come out. Gives a whole new meaning to ‘Butt Paste.’
I thought goat cheese was Satan’s butt paste.
Pretty sure it’s yogurt.
OK, no one else has said it….GOOD LUCK!
Thank you! They’ve been warned about my style, so we’ll see what happens. Haha.
All my best to you on your resolution to develop and follow your new calendar.
I do look forward to new posts. More than I look forward to another bird trying to fly through the window. *THUMP* That may be damning due to faint praise but, I mean it. About the looking forward. Some of your posts have made me laugh right out loud. For real. That’s uncommon. Patrick F. McManus uncommon. http://mcmanusindex.com/
He has a higher volume though.
Yo! Gurt! Said in my best Sylvester Stallone voice, (which isn’t that great.) I like it all but for vanilla flavored. It would put me off if all yogurts were vanilla. Way back, 50 years or so ago, my mother made something very similar to yogurt. Before yogurt was a big deal. I ate a lot of it. Maybe you just haven’t eaten the right flavor. The plain favor is an acquired taste. It’s closest to what my mom made.
I suck at keeping to a schedule, especially since I’m retired. Not having to answer to anyone is a big deal. I think that maybe if you’d write about damn near anything it would be interesting. That’s all this reader requires. Interesting.
I’m glad things seem to have calmed down and I hope you bathe in it. Your next article will arrive soon enough. Writers are a little bit crazy. I think it’s true. Enjoy. This reply is the result of a toke and post. 😀 Oh well.
Pat McManus is the only reason my kids know that all Mom’s pimp their kids out to the local hay farmer to trade fence building for hay for her horse.
🙂
That, and make sure your fly lands in the creek 🙂
…’Moms pimp’ their kids… (I didn’t mean to be so possessive 🙂 )
and that would be the plural of horse. I wouldn’t have to trade child labor for hay if I only had one horse.
Only one horse…That’s My Blog starter, for sure 🙂
Keep going! That is the most important thing. Good luck with your blog!
Thank you! And I will..I’m not even remotely bored with this yet and it’s been 5 years (three on this blog)
I literally had to stop reading for a minute to ponder the concept of an editorial calendar. Whoa, you can DO that? That could make my blog far more polished and professional and relevant to the needs of my audience. And then I laughed and laughed. I’m with you. Nobody needs to read my shit. If I wanted to be HuffPo, I’d hire a bunch of outside writers and not pay them. It’s a lot easier to just not pay myself. You do you, girl.
HAHAHAH…easier to just not pay myself. Yep.
Ha yeah, read a couple of similar articles about that very thing, for musicians and songwriters and lost interest after the first paragraph myself.
Some people, (generally those who think we should all be doing webinars and team building exercises). seem to misunderstand the very nature of being a creative, whether that be an artist, author or songwriter. If someone wants to pay me a shed load of cash up front then I’ll write music to order, but otherwise I’ll write what I feel like writing on any given day. I’m flattered when people like it but it’s not the reason I do it, I write because it’s something I’m driven to do and popularity doesn’t come into the equation.
Needs of my audience, ha ha ha ha, yep, even before I hit the link to read this, I knew there was no way on this planet you were going to start writing just to serve the whims of others and I’m very glad of that. Your blog is very much like Forrest Gump’s mother’s analogy, of life as a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re going to get…and that’s just how I like it!
That is perfect! No, you don’t know. I don’t even know. I have no idea what my head is going to come up with next. I am always very curious to see how it will turn out. haha.
I get a kick outa your shit (your word, not mine) 🙂 Keep doing what you’re doing.
Thank you!!!
If an editorial calendar makes it easier for you to write what you want, then go for it. But if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. I come here to read whatever spills out of your head and onto the “paper”.
I think it might help with the anxiety I get when I feel like I’m running out of things to say. I’m going to give it a shot. Planned to at the beginning of the year, but then Randy went and nearly died and it got put on hold.
an editorial calendar leaves me quaking in my boots! I write as the whim of the moment takes me and it seems to be okay for now. I think if I start getting into calendars then I’ll be taking myself too seriously – time may have me eat those words though….. congrats on your sponsored post btw 🙂
Thank you! I think I’m going to give it a shot, just as a guide..maybe a way to help me pull back that constant fear that I’m running out of shit to say.
Please don’t get all complicated on me !! nobody got time for that shit
Love your writing so much ! Hits the spot everytime it’s real life the good the bad and the shit and its a privilege that you share this . Your blog , your style, your life, your way !!!
Thank you so much, Jackie! It’s working so far. Although..I don’t think it would kill me to get a LITTLE organized.
Oh, wait! I just realized I have a need! I ran out of butter. Can you do something about that? 🙂
I think I have a stick I can spare. Do you have a 3D printer? Maybe that will work. Or I could send it through the force of my will? I don’t know, dude..sucks about being out of butter. haha.
I NEED a 3D Printer. Now that’s the shit piece of techie gear. eh?
“I love you just the way you are!” (imagine Billy Joel singing….)
Love this post – I asked for a critique of my blog once and was told the same thing. That it was too much about me, and that I needed to decide who my audience was and then write posts that met their needs.
I am the first to admit my blog is all about me ’cause you gotta write what you know, right?
Anyways, I digress because this response is about you and your blog and your wicked sense of humour even in the face of not humourous moments.
As Billy Joel sang “Don’t go changing, to try to please me….’
Yeah..that song is going to stick.
I mean, we write personal blogs..how could it NOT be about us?
Good luck.
And, I mean I LIKE you… a whole lot… but I don’t NEED you, so let’s not get all commitment-y and stuff. OK?
Perfect! Let’s not make it weird. Which is hard for me.
“Seriously, typing that twice nearly made me cry.” THAT cracked me up. Just don’t go there, ok? Randy, I mean this in the nicest way, but shut the fuck up about editorial calendars. Now I’m gonna cry and I typed it once. And if you continue to toss out phrases like “fully functioning grown up” we might have to part ways. Sheesh, girl!
You make a good point. If I haven’t made it to ‘fully functioning grown up’ status by now, then chances are, it ain’t gonna happen.
Good Lord woman! Why would you want to? Have you met any “fully functioning grown ups”? They’re mostly humorless because they deliberately have the weight of the world on their shoulders. Carry what you can and just drop the rest! We all love everything about you (and Randy) – no changes necessary on our part – do what makes you happy and comfortable.
You make some very good points! You’re right. I’m going to stay immature. Hahaha.
I can’t imagine you with an editorial calendar! I just can’t see that ever happening. I can’t use one either. I’ve tried over the years, but it just doesn’t seem to stick. It works for about two weeks and then I got nothing!
I’m still going to give it a shot. I mean, if I ever get around to it. 2016 has to stop kicking my ass first.
I only read your posts to steal gems like “Satan’s butt paste” for IRL.
Keep that shit up!
Hahahaha..YAY!
That’s exactly why I started a blog a while back. Because I just wanted to read something that made me laugh. And not receive instruction on 7 ways to earn more respect, or how to re-organize my closet according to feng shui, or how I should start eating avocados dipped in green tea.
Point is, by starting my blog, I came across your blog. And whenever, I start thinking i should probably give my blog some purpose and structure I then remember you, and just go ‘fuck it’
So that was a compliment 🙂
HAHAHHA! Yes! I will accept that compliment!
Phrases like “editorial calendar” and “varied content that is relevant to the needs of your audience” sound too much like “get back into your cubicle and follow the rules.” I’ve been reading your blog for a couple months now and though I’ve never commented before I have to now to say, whatever you do, please don’t vary your content to meet the needs of….blah, blah, blah. Really. It’s the honesty of your writing, saying what you want, when you want, that makes your blog so delightfully appealing.
Oh, thank you! And I’m glad to “see” you!
I’m the same way. Except for the obvious places in the year like a birthday or holidays, I wing it. Part of the fun of blogging is not knowing yourself what’s going to come out. And its hard to predict audience reaction. Some pieces I write by the seat of my pants end up popular. Others I plan out and work on diligently, end up fizzling. So just write what you’re feeling. That’s my motto.
I am ALWAYS wrong when I think something will do well. Posts I think of as ‘throw aways’ end up doing much better than I think and the ones I think are terribly clever just languish.
Oh well..I’m not stopping, either way.
I’m not sure an editorial calendar can cope with you. If it can cope with your anxiety that’d be great. I love your curiosity about what might come out of your mind, the same curiosity keeps me reading (abd laughing). And Good Luck with the sponsored post! Is it tequila?
Nope! But that would BE SO AWESOME! I’m good at Tequila-ing.
And now “butt paste” will be a search that will bring people here.
no doubt about that…sigh
I’m relieved to hear you are getting the much needed wind in your sails to keep your hysterical vessel propelling you into sponsored stardom. Go get your share and thanks for the laughter and all of the ways you keep me eager to read your blog.
Thank you! That makes my day!
Remember there are a lot of people who need to read what you write. That’s why we’re here. It’s why we keep coming back.
Unless that thought intimidates you. I know the thought of being needed intimidates me.
Anyway an editorial journal is for people who read marketing books for fun. And if you’ve got a client you’re doing a fine job of marketing yourself even without reading marketing books.
I’d advise you to lay off yogurt though. You’re alienating a potential client there, although you may be gaining one. The manufacturers of Satan’s Butt Paste (“It’s devilishly sticky!”) may be calling you soon.
I couldn’t review yogurt if I wanted to. It nauseates me in any form. Like people who say…..noooo…frozen yogurt tastes just like ice cream.
No. It. Fucking. Doesn’t.
Ice cream tastes like ice cream. Frozen yogurt tastes like satan’s ass on ice.
I’m not intimidated. I am good with that, the only thing I worry about is when I write about narcissism and I get emails from people asking for advice. That always scares me because what the fuck do I know? I usually just suggest they talk to a therapist or something. The last thing I want to do is fuck someone up.
Why fix it if it’s not broken. That’s you. But I think I’m the type who needs and would benefit from a calendar, so if you succeed please write about it!
Good Luck! Yes an editorial calendar is good. I admire people who use them. Timely posts on Holidays and events is a good thing. I try but something comes up and I miss the timelines or I just don’t have anything to say. I am in your camp all the way!
At least I am in good company!
Yogurt — Kkkkgggggaaaaaahhhhh! I hate that shit! They try to trick you: “This one tastes like key lime pie!” “Delicious Boston Creme Pie!” That is all bullshit! Yogurt tastes like disgusting, tangy, 3-day-old man milk! In fact, last year we had a dude who was handing out yogurt samples at the local whole-type food market and one of the customers (who must have had very discerning taste buds) detected something odd about it. Turns out the guy had mixed in his own spunk into the samples! He is enjoying jail for the next year or so. I don’t know about an editorial calendar — I can’t write on demand. Well, I can — but it usually isn’t very good and I don’t have fun doing it. Kind of like when I had to write term papers in college.
Eew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew that’s disgusting. And another reason you just can’t trust yogurt.
Good luck!
(….and good on ya for resisting the machine)
~YFNP
Thank you! I tried googling YFNP and got Yakama nation fruit and produce.
Oh, thank God your reconsidered. I love your blog because it isn’t formulaic nor does it consider your readers interests…that would get boring and predictable. Recipes? Ha! Only ones for disaster. Blog on.
I didn’t see it as a way to pump out formula…more as a repository for ideas and such..just a guideline I could use as a security blanket. But no worries..I can only write the way I write. I’m just glad some people like it. 🙂
I’m actually responding to your other posts – but am sending it here. I’m sorry about Randy.. hoping things clear up like they are supposed to quickly and with minimal heart ache. I love you blog, your writing, your sense of humor. My needs are met. Well done – hang in there (plus I am pretty sure you’re from OH – and so am I – so we have that) <3
Take care.
I am from Ohio!
Thank you so much for your well wishes and kind words. 🙂
Hahahahaha… I was eating yogurt when I read the butt paste comment! Made me laugh out loud!!
Hahaha..why does this not surprise me…you and the big man being related and all. weirdos.